Thursday, May 31, 2007

The Learned Respond

When asked:
mullah Mahdi-e-dra wrote:
Quote:
The truth has emerged.
http://www.rediff.com/news/2007/may/31pak1.htm
Over one lakh suicide bombers in Pak: cleric

What are the rest 159.9 milion
?

The Learned Grand Maulvi Enqyooobuddin has responded:

AllahoAkbar! Kaffirs are so naive. They ask "Where are the other 151.9 million"?

Do you know how many beebal it take (even Bakistanis) phor Jehad?

1. Bum making: 13 million
2. 15 million Insurance claim adjustars (have to take bibi of bum shaheed to Brophejar Hafeez Saeed aphter bum because shaheed now with 72 houris, no need phor bibi)

3. 1 million Kendo Stix manuphacturers, mostly in Sialkot.

4. 3400 bum-fillers (used to make Adidas football in Faisalabad)

5. 100 million mullahs.

6. 7,200,000 houris-in-training phor the 100,000 bums-in-training.

7. 1 million Jirga Judges.

8. 20 million Jirga Enphorjars (all qualified phor giving Canadian Visa and 100 stribes).

9. 200,000 Jarnails in Baki Fauj

10. 540,000 downhill racers. (Baki Fauj)

A reader notices

A reader notices that kafir websites are now taking note of the speculation in the jannat stock markets:

http://www.rediff.com/news/2007/may/31pak1.htm
Over one lakh suicide bombers in Pak: cleric

This is a blatant attempt to manipulate the "72" sector stock prices.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Ulema hold public in awe

Respect for ulema now knows no bounds:

Ulema's words being paid great attention
Quote:
PESHAWAR: A bearded man exhorting people to recite the Kalama-e-Shahadat caused further panic in the courtroom of Peshawar High Court Chief Justice Tariq Parvez Khan after a car blast just outside the building on Tuesday. “Why are you lawyers and government officials afraid? Do not be afraid and recite Kalama-e-Shahadat now,” the man shouted out in the courtroom.

Others in the courtroom tried to keep their distance from the man, fearing he was a suicide bomber. The man was eventually let out of the court, without being searched or detained. “I was one hundred percent sure that the man was a suicide bomber,” said Advocate Nasrullah, who was in the room.

Miscellaneous Happenings

NSN Reporter Mullah Nayakullah noticed:

Marvellous Djinn phenomenon in Pakistan

Quote:

Quetta—Four persons were injured as five explosions rocked the provincial capital Monday night.
An explosion was reported in Chakki Shahwani area of Shalkot Police Station. Two persons were reported injured. They were removed to civil hospital for treatment.
Another explosion took place in Satellite Town area. The explosion shattered windowpanes of the houses and shops etc.
Third explosion occurred at an isolated area along Spinny road when unknown persons threw explosive material there. No report of any loss except shattering of windowpanes.
Some unknown motorcycle riders threw explosive material into a house situated at Saryab Road and fled. Also in nearby ground, the explosive material was thrown in Kili Mobarak are near Spinny Road. The explosion caused the windowpanes of nearby buildings to crumble down. The location and nature of the fifth explosion could not be ascertained. Police was investigating into these explosions.


while Mullah Mahdi-e-dra found that:

EU trounces Indian bid to re-export Pak seafood despite ban

http://www.thenews.com.pk/daily_detail.asp?id=58194

Bliss to note H&D damage after EU report of Kashmir, now it is equal equal onlee. A rose is smelling equally bad due its holy origin by any name.

Modern girls turning drug pushers’
http://www.thenews.com.pk/daily_detail.asp?id=58330


Ladies picking up the slack due to high demand of 72 of the phairest among the men.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Canadian visa ...

Rapist must 'Pay' with wife.

Islamabad - A tribal council in central Pakistan has ordered the surrender of the wife of a rapist to the child victim's father for retribution, media reports said on Tuesday.

The council, called a punchayat, was convened in a village near the Punjab Province city of Multan, located 380km south of Islamabad, after police refused to register a case against a local man for assaulting the minor.

Brothers of the accused man had initially offered one of their four daughters in compensation for the crime, the newspaper Daily Nation said.

But the council decreed that the father of the victim could wreak revenge on the man's wife, who upon hearing the verdict moved to her parents' home for protection.

Tribal law still applies in many rural areas of Pakistan and it is not uncommon for women and children to be "given" to aggrieved families during the settlement of feuds.

Monday, May 28, 2007

No comment ..

Little girls demanded as penalty for karo kari

Quote:
LARKANA: The family of two small girls has been under threat for the past ten days after they refused to give up their daughters when a ‘jirga’ decided that three-year-old Tasleem and four-year-old Farzana be given as a penalty.

Both girls are of the Mirjat caste. Aijaz Mirjat, their uncle, said that the girls are from village Hamal of Taluka Warah in district Kambar-Shahdad Kot.

Tasleem is the daughter of Aijaz’s brother, Niaz, and Farzana is the daughter of Ali Asghar Mirjat. He said that a penalty was issued after karo kari was blamed on his brother, Ibrahim Mirjat.

He said that despite jirgas being illegal, one was held by an influential cast member, Wadero Athar Mirjat, during which he announced that the two minors should be given to the complainant as a penalty.

“When we refused to accept this inhumane judgment they lodged an FIR against us in the Hamal police station on charges of stealing wheat,” said Aijaz. “There is no way for us to leave the area immediately. We have, however, migrated from Taluka Warah to the village of Miandad Chandio in district Dadu.”

They are still being threatened to either accept the decision or face the consequences, added Aijaz. “But how can we hand over our innocent girls,” he asked.

A delegation from the PPP comprising MNA Anwer Bhutto, MNA Hizbulla Buhgio, and MPA Ayaz Soomro visited the family and the girls and assured them that that the PPP will help however it can.

Anwer Bhutto said that they are there extending their support to the family because Benazir Bhutto took notice of this case and advised them to visit the family. “The PPP will stand by this family every step of the way,” he added.


Sunday, May 27, 2007

Sports teams of the Punjab Police

Quote:
Punjab police play havoc with Sports Complex
ISLAMABAD - The police force, which was called to the federal capital for an
operation against ‘Lal Masjid’ has played havoc with the most peaceful place,
Pakistan Sports Complex.


Of course, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. They are staying at a sports complex, no less!! So, the policemen are playing. Anyway, the operation is not until ever-after anyway, so if they passing time by playing, I don't see any harm in it.

Quote:
Pakistani student accused of cutting Sikh teenager's hair
NEW YORK - A Pakistani student at a New York City high school was arrested Friday after he was accused of cutting hair of a fellow Sikh teenager.


This, I dont understand. If you are at home, no one can be a barber, but step on the shores of liberty and everyone is Scissorhands.

Meanwhile, lets start a karo-kari counter, on today may 27. This is purely a sporting event, later we will have a contest on how long it will take the counter to reach various limits.
Quote:

Man pays for wife's travel to jannat
SUKKUR: A man sent off his wife to jannat over Karo-Kari in the village of Bahoo Sabzoi in the jurisdiction of the B-Section police of the Kandhkot district late on Friday night.

Later, he fled.


What do you mean fled? Downhill skiing, yes. Tactical brilliance, plenty. But never has anyone from this land been know to flee. In no tense, do we flee. The man has retreated. Tactical maneuver onlee.

This is probably a prelude to the canadian visa application:
Quote:

Finding the missing Rani

Two years have been passed but there are still no clues about the whereabouts of Shagufta Rani, wife of Qasier Sagheer Alam, who had claimed that his wife was kidnapped by Inspector Pervez Iqbal and others on May 24, 2005.

Since then, Alam has moved heaven and earth to get his wife recovered. The woeful story of Alam began when he contracted court marriage to his beloved Rani in Karachi. However, the latter’s family did not approve of this match.

It is alleged that the family used negative tactics against the young couple and influential family members backed by police officer, Iqbal, not only kidnapped Rani, but later claimed that she was killed.


No, wait. Its that jannat bit again. { K_K_Counter = 2 ; /* 5/27 */ }

Lastly, we have this grand news.
Quote:

Urdu as a vehicle to express scientific thoughts
Literary prowess is not limited to any particular field of knowledge and it is possible to use Urdu as the vehicle to compose and express the scientific thoughts and achievement.

The narration in Urdu verse and prose could be presented in such a way that the reader or the listener enjoys it immensely in addition to acquiring latest knowledge in science and technology.


Left out this one, sorry. { K_K_Counter = 3; /* 5/27 */ }
Quote:

Husband pays for new bride's travel
A recently-wed woman was sent to jannat early by her husband in Korangi police limits on Saturday. Nadia, 18, wife of Ghulam Mohammad was stabbed playfully by her husband after a quarrel at her residence 512, Bilal Colony, Sector 8/B.

Later, Mohammad fled while Nadia was swimming in the pool (of blood).


Lies, lies, all lies - at least the "fled" bit. And secondly, how many times have we to say that the 30 day money back guarantee on new goods is absolutely essential. If only, she could be returned, this would not have been necessary.
Health services improvement in Bakistan http://www.dawn.com/2007/05/27/top9.htm
Quote:
LAKKI MARWAT, May 26: Two senior health officials were kidnapped along with the car they were travelling in near Bakhmal Ahmadzai in the jurisdiction of Tajori police station here on Saturday, officials and eyewitnesses said. They said that Dr Mohammad Ishaq, medical superintendent, District Headquarters Hospital, Lakki, and Dr Abdur Rehman, deputy district officer health, were going to office when some armed men stopped their car in the Bakhmal Ahmadzai area. The kidnappers dragged them out of the car, put them in a double-cabin pick-up and drove away. They also took away the car. Soon after the incident, a joint team of police and the Frontier Constabulary led by DPO Abdur Rashid Khan combed Tajbikhel, Janikhel and other areas to find the whereabouts of the kidnapped officials. “We are also seeking help from the local people to track down the kidnappers and secure a safe release of the two doctors,” the DPO told Dawn said. Residents of Tajori and other villages also formed an armed group to search the health officials. Meanwhile, doctors, paramedics and staff of the DHQ Hospital held a demonstration in protest against the kidnapping of Dr Mohammad Ishaq and Dr Abdur Rehman. Bakistan soundly beats inflation target http://www.dawn.com/2007/05/27/top10.htm
Quote:
KARACHI, May 26: The State Bank has failed to contain inflation as it exceeded the central bank’s revised estimate for 2006-07 and is expected to rise further in the next fiscal year. “FY07 inflation will be in the range of 7.5-7.8 per cent, above the revised target of 6.5 per cent,” forecasts the third quarterly report of the State Bank presented by Governor Dr Shamshad Akhtar at a press conference here on Saturday.BAKISTAN IS THE WORLDS KIDNEY EXPORT HUB http://www.dawn.com/2007/05/27/nat1.htm
Quote:
Meanwhile, three more kidney ‘donors’ appeared at the Factory Area police on Saturday and said they had come to Lahore for work sometimes ago but an agent of the kidney mafia lured them to a hospital for donating their vital organ against Rs100,000 per case.
Diyar Editar , how come a Baki is worth nothing but his kidney is worth 100,000 rupiya onlee?

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Uninvited Criticism

I detested this piece of negative coverage, given that there are a billion people below the poverty level in the subcontinent. Of course, corporal punishment has been handed down in the subcontinent from the british days. It is an effective means of establishing martial authority, and instilling discipline.
Quote:
What happens when a varsity teacher goes berserk
ISLAMABAD - It may be one of the most prestigious public sector educational
institutions but the evidences of violence and murders in the recent past ..

Naturally, I protest this sensationalism causing grave damage to national honor and dignity when all that has happened is:
Quote:
All of a sudden, according to the source, Munawar stood up from his chair, took his shoes off waving it in the air as if he was about to throw it on Amir.

Notice the made up language, the poor professor did not even get a chance to use his footwear. And yet
Quote:
Amir also lodged an FIR against the teacher accusing him of misconduct.

What is this land coming to?

Festival at the Canadian High Commission

As one in attendance of the Canadian visa festival at the High Commission in IslamAintBad, I would like to report that:
Quote:
Aromatic night at Canadian HC
ISLAMABAD - As the sun went down and the lights turned on, the Canadian High Commission was in full swing on Friday night.
I would like to caution the tourists that taking pictures in northern areas is, well, a hazard, but still
Quote:
.. Andrea Auger who captured the snap of a truck moving with the snake pace at Karakoram Highway ..
more hazardous is to cast aspirations on the persons of the tight and fair trucks plying the deeper than sea friendship highway. Still, given that the night was still young:
Quote:
Heart-touching function was on its peak when different models wearing traditional and cultural embrioded outfits started walking through the audience while mesmerizing them. The dresses were depicting various attributes of the ancient but mysterious land of the subcontinent.

At the end, all the energetic young danced at the rhythmic tones of the drum and the flute and their energies were once again restored by offering them delicious foods of Pakistani origin.
But what they dont understand, is that this sort of thing attracts attention and while the faithful are busy just this moment:
Quote:
The Lal Masjid administration on Friday announced that its students would attack audio and video shops, massage centres and brothels in Islamabad if their owners did not wind up their businesses immediately.
they still take notice of this sort of thing
Quote:
He regretted that the MMA government had got involved in purely political matters which resulted in social degradation. “The sale of drugs and liquor has increased and dancing, prostitution and music are on the rise in the NWFP which is being ruled by graduates of seminaries,” he added.
and accordingly have issued an ultimatum
Quote:
Stop immoral acts or Lal Masjid students will move in: Aziz
ISLAMABAD - Khateeb Lal Masjid Maulana Abdul Aziz on Friday urged the government to shut down all centres of immoral activities and take stern action against the police and robbers otherwise the students of the seminary would punish them under the Shariah laws.
Now this is sort of a problem, if you are Canadian, because obviously you wont get the Canadian visa even if you qualify. However these japanese girls have done well to qualify before anything process changes:
Quote:
Reportedly, two Japanese girls aged between 18 to 20 came to Pakistan some six months ago to learn Urdu language. Both were residing in Garden Town since their arrival. On the day of incident, Schizuka and her friend went to Gulberg to watch the shooting of a film. Two youngsters asked the girls to go with them and later took them in a house owned by one of them. Meanwhile they also invited their two other friends in the same house.
Having qualified for the visa, of course, they can forget trying to gain any publicity out of their wonderful experience, since others have already been warned to not commercialize their failed attempts to gain western visa.
Quote:
Forget inquiry into killings
KARACHI - President Pervez Musharraf on Friday told a high-level meeting to "forget an inquiry" into the Karachi carnage on May 12 when the chief justice arrived here to address the Sindh High Court Bar Association

Israel and the rest...

These things dont get their rightful coverage in the world media:
Quote:
AJK considering diplomatic ties with Israel: Atiq

MUZAFFARABAD: In a bid to lessen the number of enemies, AJK government is considering establishment of better diplomatic ties with Israel, said Prime Minister Sardar Atiq Ahmad Khan.

Better diplomatic relations with Israel is the need of the hour in the rapidly changing global scenario, he added.

Now I have been advocating better relations with all religions forever, if I may say so myself. However, how that is possible in this democratic and deeply religious nation where, for example,









is how people express their appreciation of the Pope. As this wonderful picture by Maciej Dakowicz reminds us,

that a life spent doing this will likely result in grown ups like this



who will likely say and do the following, without any real rhyme or reason


(Images - AP/AFP)

which might just throw a shiny metallic tool in the works.

Still, I am sure given that its the need of the hour, and with a few less people taking pictures, it can be worked out.

Friday, May 25, 2007

March of Brogress: Images from the recent past

Now, normally we don't publish this sort of thing. But Mullah Nayakuddin found some good pictures of the recent peaceful expressions of rights by the citizens, so they are here just for archival.



Mullah Nayakuddin shows talent

Mullah Nayakuddin manages to locate a few snaps of our favorite summer theater event:




Breathtaking, no? Tell them boys from the girls, anyone?

A gag order?

Jentlebeebles, draw the curtains bleaje, we are peing watched. There ij no other exblanation. They wont bublish good neuj any more.

All I get for today's bositive neuj is some people trying to brotekt their botency:
Quote:

Villagers beat up vaccinators
LANDI KOTAL (Khyber Agency), May 24: People of Fatemikhel village of Landi Kotal on Thursday beat up polio vaccinators and did not allow them to administer drops to their children.


I like the peating up part very much. This cant go on, already it will take all of 25 years for bobulation to douple. A few more beebles becoming imbotent and it will be next century.

And here are the faithful of bunjab bolice in the capital to guard the ummazons of Jamia Hafsa. They are staying at the Jinnah Stadium, 400% petter than Krachi Hilton onlee.


Thursday, May 24, 2007

Mullah Ghazi, Media Star.

Following our exclusive interviews of the cleric, the vice chief of Markazi Jamia Masjid, Mullah Ghazi is a media star. Every one wants to talk to him now, for example, MSNBC here:
Quote
“In New York when Rudy Giuliani was mayor and he closed the brothels and all those things, no one said he was an agent of the Taliban, did they?” Maulana Abdul Rashid Ghazi shot back to a question about the creeping Talibanization in Pakistan’s capital, Islamabad.
Not such a bad guy now, is he? Whats a little talibanization here and there.
Quote
“If we are attacked, we will defend ourselves by whatever means we have,” Ghazi said.
And who wouldn't? The mullah thinks its perfectly appropriate to have his students strap on whatver belts they feel like.

Dont forget to watch the MSNBC video, before you go complaining the Mullah is media shy.

The long wait...

Today is a dry day. Not much going on, except for the ongoing gold import story, and a little tactical brilliance.

Quote:

Pakistani peace keepers lauded for remitting gold
“I knew they had gold because the price of gold increased when the Indians went to Mongwalu,” she told the BBC’s World Service programme Assignment.

“When we wanted to verify what was inside the plane the pilot refused to allow us to enter the plane…It was a big scandal.”

Whats with the Indians going and creating inflation?

Final touches of tactical brilliance are now included in the latest plan, so:
Quote:

Operation plan ready
“We can take over Lal Masjid, its allied seminaries and the government library illegally occupied by Jamia Hafsa students in a few minutes, if the operation is launched,” a senior official of the administration said.

According to the plan, all services of Lal Masjid, including water and electricity supply, would be suspended as the first step. Secondly, the entire complex of the mosque would be surrounded by the security personnel and no one would be allowed to get in or out of the mosque.


But dont tell anyone, its a secret.

Wait, Wait. I spoke too soon. Here it is:
Quote:

14,000 cops awaiting Messiah for water, food and shelter

ASIF CHAUDHRY
LAHORE - In the absence of necessary arrangements around 14,000 Punjab police called on short notice to Islamabad in connection with a crack down against the students and management of Lal Masjid, are made to sleep in mosques, street, parks, in the open sky and on footpaths without food and water and other bare necessities of life.


I understand the master plan contains four story apartment blocks surrounding the masjid to be constructed in phase II.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The Tamizuddin Conundrum

The justices are worried as Tamizuddin case haunts CJ hearing
Quote:

“God forbid, the decision of this court should not meet the same fate like that of the Maulvi Tamizuddin case as the judgment of Justice Munir has become something of a bad precedence,” Justice Ramday observed.


Dont worry, whats wrong with showing up in a burqa for a change? Further we are reminded that
Quote:

But in spite of Tamizuddin Khan’s heroics, arriving in a rickshaw at the servant’s entrance of the high court building dressed in a burqa to evade police surveillance, and the subsequent judgments of the higher judiciary which have become landmarks in the history of jurisprudence in Pakistan, the journey downhill had begun.


Downhill skiing, hard sport, must learn, early age. CHECK.

The World cup herrows continue their winning streak.
Quote:

Sri Lanka made 296-9 off 50 overs while Pakistan could muster 181 all out off 42.5 overs.


Some air vacuum activity was observed.
Quote:

According to police, the bomb was planted at a bus stop close to a bridge on the RCD highway in the industrial town which went off at around 11pm.


And you know what a rowdy night town Quetta is.

China's lead is in danger.
Quote:

ISLAMABAD, May 22: Pakistan’s rapidly growing population at the rate of two per cent a year will reach 217 million by 2020 and will double in the next 32 years.

With all this 400% GDP growth business, US should watch its back too (and for once not due to the obvious fear).

And lastly Sharia law taking rightful prominence

Quote:

In a late evening sermon on his illegal FM radio channel, Bagh accused the daily Mashriq’s Khyber Agency correspondent of “giving undue coverage” to Bagh’s opponents. Exhorting his supporters to “kill him with missiles,” Bagh accused Mr Afridi of accepting bribe from the Ansaar leadership.


and you know instead of the good book, they are distributing these:
Quote:

Ministry of Law, under its Access to Justice Programme is compiling Urdu translated legal booklets regarding basic human and civilian rights ...

... Without knowledge no community can be empowered. There are hundreds of laws that safeguard the rights of citizens but a common man is unaware of them so he is easily exploited.


Whats he on about. Doesn't he read the good book?

Leader's lead from the front:
Quote:

.... bombing a music shop in Sherpao village used to lead Friday prayers at a mosque in a poor locality in Charsadda town and often gave sermons on the blessings of jihad ...


More people are inconsiderate of others' HandD:
Quote:

The accused suspected that his wife Mai Kundal had formed illicit relations with Arz Mohammad Gopang. He shot dead his wife and later raided the house of rz, killing Arz and his brother Allah Dad Gopang on the spot.

The President's new uniform

After starting the nationwide shoulder search for the expected public cry session, now there is new tactical brilliance, which has been reported as:

Quote:
Uniform is my second skin: Musharraf
ISLAMABAD: President Gen Pervez Musharraf said that he is proud to be an army man and uniform is like his second skin than how can he even think of shedding it.

Lets look at it carefully. The emperor's, I beg your pardon, the prejident's new skin.

HMEHPPGPM likes to take his morning
shower while wearing the uniform.

He likes it very much. Ought we to make him shed it? It so new and shiny, and not at all brown.

What might we say to him for the loss?

That we have found a shoulder for him to cry upon in public. For the uninitiated, public expression of affection with wimmens is not allowed, so begum sahiba cant help. ( Dont blame her, its a fatwa from supreme lal masjib (may it be painted even laal-er)).

So if we can tell him, we found this shoulder, large, fair, and muscular shoulder, so manly to cry upon and uphold the honor and dignity, he might be persuaded.

Another way is to tell him that all good snakes have to shed their uniform in due time, lamp posts allowing. And might he be a dear good snake and shed it so it can be put on display in quaid-e-duh mujeum?

Perhaps a royalty from the tickets can be arranged. Or alternatively, it could be auctioned and proceeds can be drawn towards a pension fund.

No, you say? Well how about Bush, or Dick calling him and letting him know two skins is way too much.
If he is so thick skinned, perhaps he would not need all that protection they are providing for him.

If he likes his thick skin so much, might he be kind enough to return that bullet proof car, and those electronic jammers, and shiny new guns, back?

He might be inclined to you lend you his ear, I think.

Just lend, mind you, he has no intention of giving them up. He likes two of everything, skin included.

But there is another way of looking at it, its not just a fancy coat or nappy. He can't give it up, because its a real appendage. As functional as his tactically brilliant appendix. In fact, the above report may have been misquoted. Here is the correct one:

Quote:
Uniform part of my being'
“I was brought up as a military man and uniform is part of my being,” he maintained.
In an interview with BBC on Tuesday, he said he took over as President due to the turmoil in the country, otherwise he loved being an armyman.


Now this is BBC (of course, no less!!!, don't you know, no less!!!). Now the supreme leader likes making sacrifices for his country and all, but come on asking one to give their first born for the lamp post is one thing, has anyone heard of someone being asked to have an appendectomy? We dont even know what the thing does?

Why does he have to have the operation? Is it infected? He hasn't done any downhill skiing lately, and the begum was sure there is not a touch of brown on it.

Be nice good people, and let the uniform be. Really, Is Pakistan now so poor its ruler cant even have two skins? That is the real question.

Hallo, Hallo, Hallo.

She is back, with a movie, no less!! Since she is back the BBC respectfully reminds us what it was all about. But seriously, welcome back ms. bakhtiar, we waj almost running out of material about the "tourism to meet the faithful in 07" gag. Let the revelries begin again.


















Perhaps I might recommend another daredevil act for charity, an earthquake memorial dance, or overnight camping in the mountains, or perhaps a bikini show on the beach in karachi? And for the uninitiated, (and of course, the ulema), we reproduce the shining glory of HandD as:


Tuesday, May 22, 2007

What we have all been waiting for

Er.. What we have all been waiting for.

Quote:
Movie to be made on life of Neelofar Bakhtiar

ISLAMABAD: A movie on the life of Federal Minister for Tourism Neelofar Bakhtiar would be made.

This was announced by Muhammad Ishfaq Chaudhary Chairman Pakistan Peoples Movement, a pro-Musharraf party.

He said that the services of a well-known writer has been hired for writing the story of the movie, adding that the search for the director of the movie is underway.

Watch out Shrek, here comes Aunti Bakhtiar.

Meanwhile, some guy (all right, all right, the famous singer
Abrar-ul-Haq, and not some guy) decides to sign "O Parveen, you are very salty", exclamation point. Parveen being a girl's name. Bad choice, he ought to have chosen khusboo. Anyhow, now that the song is a hit, women are hitting back with lawsuits, quitting schools and colleges en masse, and in general making it harder for parents to push them out the door, chaperon in tow, of course. So lets see what the courts have to say about the matter:

"This matter is very sensitive and such things cannot be allowed in Pakistani society," Mr Bhagwandas was quoted as saying by the AFP news agency. "Nobody can be allowed to hurt the sentiments of others," he said.

while the national assembly is considering stopping all work because:
The adjournment motion submitted by member MMA Farid Piracha opined that the singer by using the name of "Parveen" has disgraced and dishonored women of that name.
See, Khusboo would have been so much better. Better than the sad excuse:
But Mr Haq said the song did not use the name Parveen but Parmeen - which is not a recognised name in Pakistan. "It's a misunderstanding - the general public has misunderstood... it's not my fault," Mr Haq said.

Every now and then, we all need a shoulder to cry upon..

Bloomberg is reporting that Northern Flight Infantry has imparted training on Islamabad police, which is now doing downhill cross country skiing in the summer.
Quote:

"The Red Mosque clerics have released all the policemen they had taken hostage from outside their seminaries,'' Tariq Azeem, the junior minister for information and broadcasting, said in a telephone interview today. "There was no need for use of force."


Of course, not. The force is reserved for speculating in the stock of 72 of the Phairest, Inc. by befriending those who are now called miscreants , reports Anatolian Times:
Quote:

"Four miscreants were killed when security forces launched an operation to bust a terrorist training camp at Zargarkhel. Helicopters were also there," Arshad told AFP.


Something happens the same day as the Post Chronicle publishes :
Quote:

Pakistan Says No Al-Qaida Base In Country
By Staff
May 21, 2007

Pakistan said Monday there is no al-Qaida base in the country and dismissed reports of U.S. agents tracing Osama bin Laden to its territory.


See this is a different kind of speculation.

And now for something completely different! The Pink Times is unhappy:
Quote:

Trans man jailed in Pakistan over marriage

Mr Raj had given a sworn statement that he was a man and complained that his wife’s relatives and the police were threatening them with "dire consequences" if they didn’t divorce.

The court had then called the bride's father, Tariq Hussain, who testified that Raj was a woman.

Mr Hussain urged the court to annul Mr Raj’s September marriage to his 26-year-old daughter, saying it was against Islam.


An air vacuum bursts near Interior Minister Aftab Ahmed Khan Sherpao's home, and the number of oil tankers travelling in air vacuum pockets during the day reached a new record of 10.

A man we know very well expresses his desire to express his grief in tears.
Quote:

“That will be a day of grief for me if these lies and deception triumph over truth and reality ... That will be a very sad day for Pakistan and the point where I will cry,” he said. He insisted the party could still win year-end parliamentary elections.

He said that army is testing the best pillow for him to cry on, already.

Meanwhile, a hard working student of air vacuum technology was prevented from furthering his education with practical training.
Quote:

The accused was said to be on a bicycle and was, therefore, easily chased and nabbed. However, his one accomplice, also on a bicycle, escaped. Saeed and his accomplice had allegedly planted the bomb in front of the music shop before fleeing on bicycles.


Other interns are now requesting better modes of transport.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Worth a few thousand words !!












For your enjoyment, signs of progress afresh.

Latesht neuj!!

1. As part of the president's insfrastructure improvement program in Baluchistan, new coaches have been ordered for the trains there.

Two bogies of Balochistan Express, coming from Quetta and bound for Karachi, caught fire and were burnt late Sunday near Sarhari station. No casualty however was reported, as the passengers saved their lives jumping out from the train. Most of the passengers’ belongings were reduced to ashes and the rest were looted allegedly by the local police.
Notice the help offered by the local law and order functionaries. Buried in the same link is also the export of railway infrastructure improvement program to India, and of course, helping out the US with the fuel transportation program to Afghanistan:

destroying seven fuel trucks at a key border crossing between Pakistan and Afghanistan at around 4 a.m. Monday, an official said. The attack took place about 500 meters inside northwestern Pakistan at the Torkham border crossing, said local official Hamid Khan.
If I were you allie, and an all-weather, best of best allies, I tell you, I would burn a few of your trucks, any day too.

2. Religious festivities are in full swing at the Lal Masjid complex. People from all over the country are expected to participate. Later similar festivals will be held in other cities too.

SLAMABAD, May 20: Tension mounted in the capital over the Lal Masjid issue on Sunday when police took 36 students of Jamia Fareedia in pre-emptive detention, and the madressah militants taking to streets and blocking traffic

3. Minorities are being protected better than ever:

Herbert Fernandes, President of the Catholic Association has appealed to the United Nations to intervene as a May 17 'deadline' set by militants had expired. The miltants had threatened Christians of a town to convert to Islam and close their churches or face bomb attacks. According to a press release, the spokesperson stated that 500 Christians in Charsadda, NWFP, were living in constant fear following threatening letters
Now is there anything these people wont do? Running after canadian visas, complaining to the UN !!

And the routine canadian visa applications, and the struggle to achieve your own personal 72 of the phairest happens. We might as well leave that out for the day. Its been a busy one.

Wimmen's throwing to many tantrums: ulema koncerned

Wimmen's should know their blace
Iamanass Reechh, via NSN

Aj you kan see. Wimmen's have been throwing too many tantrums of late. Now I would be the first berson to kommend my wimmens for peing heard when sboken to, dont get me wrong, put this is too much. First, you have this:

Missus Bakhtiar, decides to have fun. Now abhter sitting on the lab of the habby unnamed stranger, without any koncern for the faith or religion, she is komplaining and throwing tantrums.

The ulema had rebektbhully asked her to sit and home and look abhter her children. Frankly, any other wimmens would get stoned for much less.

She decided, aj is kommon theje days, to defie. And to defile. Hello? What ij this world coming to. Tomorrow a judge would be asking the prejident to take off his uniform, and in the court, no less!!
(I like the no less bit, in case you haven't noticed, what?).

She told reuters, as reborted by The Age , and I quote, "We don't need to be intimidated by these people". Now since when have fatwas pekome intimidashun? And why does she go on telling theje things to the bhoreigners?

She ij the minister of tourijm. She needs to bromote tourijm. Why kauje all this damaje to the imaje of the kountree. I ask you.

So we have to take a stand. Aj a community, no less. More so, she should have understood when her rejignation for the barty bost was signed for her. She should have written the other letter her self. She did not.



Now that letter is written. But instead of giving it to the BM, a ladies man, she hands it over to the sekeretary. Now what ij the latter good for in the hands of boor sekeretary. The whole thing smells of a konsbiracy. A very pad konspiracy.

Missus Bakhtiyar needs to rekognize the valiant efforts of the students of the lal masjid. They are doing such good work. She is bring the whole mood down, not to menshun the damage to the kontries image. Aj recently as yesterday, the lal masjid boys and wimmens had said, “The government will have to give up it hybokritical bolicee.” And he ij right. Since when have bakistani wimmens wanted to go land on the north bole, or jumb out of blanes?

The writer ij a sindikated koumnist (no less!!)
He ij brought to us via kultural desk, NSN.

What to do when you have an earthquake

If you have a fairly good sized earthquake with large quantities, its best to order in. Things you might want delivered for free (from canada, no less. here is a chance to start that conversation for your visa application!!) :

1. Split air conditioners - these work really well in your medium sized tent. They are sort of essential in the mountains where it gets really hot
2. Special jeeps - now where would you be with lots of air conditioners, and no way to show the missus around?
3. Washing machines and fans - these are essential commodity items. your personal slaves have probably run away by now, and you are risking losing the missus if you think she will wash your underpants after that downhill skiing session you are so fond of.

Be sure to order in quantity. Earthquakes dont come around every thursday!!
“We have recovered 12 special jeeps, 500 tents, six refrigerated containers, 44 split air-conditioners, 44 portable toilets, generators, cooking range, hundreds of heaters, washing machines, fans and furniture from the seized containers,”

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Brand new wheels and brakes for all planes

To improve the customers' landing and take-off experience the leading airline in the subcontinent is now importing brand new wheels and brakes for all of its two planes on a priority basis. An official noted that customer loyalty has been directly linked to functioning brakes on the airplanes.

The aircraft systems have also been improved to allow for overnight stay by the passangers in the even of being turned away by MQM in Karachi or the Lal Masjid in Islamabad. Its very hard to find good accomodation with halal food in foreign countries, said the airline official

Governmand employees now eligible for canadian visa

At least five wimmens government employees have applied for Canadian visa. Government is reducing red tape to allow more freedom to wimmens in line with the president's enlightened moderated policies of diversity and social justice. Some fine display of downhill skiing was on view as well:
Witnesses said that militants severely beat up members of the Khasaddar force, which was escorting the team and also snatched guns from them. The employees were whisked away to some unknown location in their vehicle.

Ulema make headway

The ulema have made some headway in refresher training of law enforcement agencies. Two graduates from Jamia Hafsa have rejoined their parent units while two more officers on deputation are waiting for the return of seven exchange students.
Quote
Lal Masjid militants on Saturday freed two of the four policemen they had kidnapped overnight after the government ‘facilitated’ the release of five of their colleagues, including a former employee of an intelligence agency, on bail
Meanwhile, time passes with
Quote
However, sources told this correspondent that the government was still reluctant to launch any operation against the mosque administration. A senior official of the local administration told Dawn that the talks were under way between the district administration and hardline clerics, who have already been declared proclaimed offenders in a separate case, to resolve the issue of police personnel’s detention.

Commerce stumbles on red tape

Industrial relations with Nigeria suffered as a result of red tape.
some people were trying to smuggle drugs through air consignment started searching all consignments going via air. The Naushad Enterprise CHAL No 1798 booked the consignments of Martix Gold Limited to Aba Abia state of Nigeria
Now 50 pounds is a small amount. Personal use only. Why make such a fuss. Even the entertainment industry is claiming their actors will suffer due to this bureaucratic mess.

Intelligence rediscovered

Fresh studies have confirmed what the ulema have always known. All this moderation and enlightenment talk is coming from the small minority off their rocker:
“More than half the population of Sindh suffers from Iodine deficiency, causing major mental and physical disorders,” said experts at the ‘Provincial Launching Ceremony of Prevention and Elimination of Iodine Deficiency and Disorder/ Universal Salt Ionisation Programme’ on Saturday.
What is clearly due to lack of mental hygiene is being cited as effects of lack of "iodine" and salt. Pray what is this iodine, and do djinns adminster it?

Friendship games planned with Afganistan

The Germans play a friendship match (and lose) and ahead of the planned regional friendly games. While buzkashi may not get its due this time, the stock of 72 of the Phairest, Inc. is bound to sky-rocket.
Quote
Scores of heavily armed Afghan troops and fighters from special border police units-’determined, professional and evidently spoiling for a fight-gathered around their senior officers for orders. Artillerymen waited beside their 122mm field guns hidden among the mulberry groves.
and
Germany suffered its biggest loss in Afghanistan since 2003 on Saturday when three soldiers and about six Afghan civilians were killed in a suicide blast in a normally calm northern town.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Of Planes, Trains, and Kekra...

Today, readers, we talk of planes , trains , and kekra ( a crab to you foreigners ) . We talk of the loss of strategic depth , and the hot summer .

Honourable mention today goes to HandD
Quote:

MULTAN: Five armed men chopped off a leg, the nose and an ear of Allah Yar Mehr following elopement by his son, Muhammad Saleem, with Kausar on March 16 from Luddan (Vehari) and their marriage the next day. Reports said Abbas, Allah Ditta, Ghulam Fareed, Javed and Hakim chopped off a leg, the nose and an ear of Allah Yar and broke his second leg with batons.


Women's rights are always on our mind.
Quote:

JAMSHORO: Two girls were kidnapped from the Kotri Hari Camp on Thursday. Reports said seven armed men dashed into the Hari Camp and kidnapped Meeran, 15, and Malookan, 12.

and the demand for 72 never ceases or ebbs .
Quote:

RIYADH (AFP) - Saudi Arabia beheaded by the sword on Thursday two Pakistanis convicted of drug smuggling, keeping up a pace of executions that has already doubled last year’s toll, the interior ministry announced.


Housing receives our attention
Quote:

10 model prisons to be constructed in Punjab

OUR STAFF REPORTER
LAHORE - Punjab Chief Minister, Ch. Pervaiz Elahi has said that 10 model prisons are being constructed in the province where facilities of international standard will be provided to the prisoners.


and moderate enlightenment via air vacuum blasts finds some space in the last column.
Quote:

Reports from some areas said that people there had bought CDs from shops and then set them on fire. Thousands of pornographic cassettes and CDs were destroyed in Tandkohi, Murghuz, Kernel Sher Killi, Tehsil Chota Lahor and Doabian areas.

Down the memory lane: Mullah Rishiullah's treasure trove

The great Rishiullah, ancient painter, sculptor and theologian, brings us these gems from NSN days past:











Thursday, May 17, 2007

Konstitutional protection and Good governance

Recently , it has been observed that the laws written three constitutions ago provide protection to HMEHPPGPM for any and all tactical brilliance.
Quote:

He also submitted before a 13-member full court that the petition of Chief Justice Iftikhar Muhammad Chaudhry was not maintainable because under Articles 210 and 211 of the Constitution, proceedings of the Supreme Judicial Council cannot be challenged in any court. Similarly, Article 248 of the Constitution gives complete immunity to the president to be sued in any court of law.

NSN insbires brint and elektronik media

On the heels of getting PPC to konsider our style and language suberior, we now have other outlets thinking the same. Here A Guide for service industry (automotive) for visit bakistan year 2007 has been buplished.

Quote

Gora Sahib: Then what’s the problem with my passage to the hotel?

The guide: The main arterial thoroughfare linking the airport with the city centre has Suddenly been blocked just before the midnight.

Gora Sahib: Why was it blocked?

The guide: I don’t know.

Gora Sahib: Who blocked it?

The guide: I don’t know that, either.

Gora Sahib: Should we ask someone, some authority, or policeman?

The guide: They don’t know it either.

Gora Sahib: When will the main road be reopened?

The guide: I don’t know.

See, we ARE leading a small revolution in jourlaijm.

Of Marriage and Women's rights

Women are now rekognizing their rights
Quote:

Sanam Khoso had recently appeared before the civil court in Dadu, pleading while she was a minor, her Nikah was performed with an old man, Siddique Khoso, which was illegal and contrary to the Islamic principles and not acceptable to her. She prayed the court for providing her security and cancelling the Nikah.


Though men are as valiant as ever
Quote:

Talking to The News outside the court, Rafiq Bugti blamed his mother-in-law, Hooran for the collapse of his marriage. He said had paid Rs 70,000 to Hooran for marring Benazir but now she was trying to "resale" her (Benazir).

He also revealed that they had a two-year-old child but Benazir under pressure from her mother also refused to take the baby with her.

On the supjekt of entertaynmand

Entertainment events heat up: Significant increase in viewership across the border
Our cultural cupboard, NSN

Beshawar(NSN): In light of frequent air-vacuum formations and bursts in presence of light bulbs, increase djinn activity and other beyond the grave action, the viewership and interest in these events has increased to significant levels.

Sports betting establishments are not taking notice of this intense interest, which has recently overtaken cricket due to dismal performances by the south asian teams. It seems that even insignificant little details as to whether a message will be found on a leg on a certain date ( agency report ), or which respected functionary will acquire the custodianship of 72 of the fairest ( agency report ). Currently, May 24 seems to the bookies choice for the next leg-papyrus finding, and odds of 16/23 were being offered on Justice Iftikhar issuing an indent for the 72 in may.

Pubs in Bangalore, Kerala are doing brisk business by organizing parties, and raves with djinn and air-vacuum themes. Fake air-vacuum bursts, and pub employees in djinn and houri costumes are often the prime attractions. Mock processions, flag and effigy burning, as well as stone throwings are organized at premium functions. Pirated CDs and DVDs of these events are being sold by pavement vendors.

Despite being officially banned, its easy to find cable operators providing extensive coverage of these events. "We find it very entertaining", said Ram Prasad (who uses only two names), adding that, "conservative society here does not provide too many other options for young people to enhoy".

Meanwhile, investors there have also started using the hawala rackets in dubai and UAE to speculate in the jannat stock exchange. Indices in jannat markets for houri related stocks, and bulb and air-vacuum machine manufacturing industry in laHore stock exchange are at all time high. Investors are concerned that the market may drop any time demand of air vacuum increases across the border disrupting the fair and tight demand-supply situation here.

The foreign office has repeatedly protested to authorities across the border that in the absence of full implementation of SAFTA, as well as houri and jannat related products not being on the approved list, the popularity of these products across the border is an unfriendly gesture. A response to the official appeals is awaited.

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Scribe a message on a leg, get an arm half off.
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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

PEEAF PAINTS RADAR PINDIGENOUSLY

PEEAF PAINTS RADAR PINDIGENOUSLY
Quote:
ATTOCK, May 15: The Avionics and Radar Factory of Pakistan Aeronautical Complex, Kamra, has successfully overhauled the first AN/TPS-43G Radar. A roll-out ceremony to mark the occasion was held at the Avionics and Radar Factory on Tuesdin. Tall& Fair Vice Marshal Khalid M. Rajput(resident historian bliss ejjplain), Deputy Chief of the Air Staff (Engineering), was the chief guest on the occasion. He handed over the overhauled radar to the Pakistan Air Force. (PEEAF) Kamra Avionics and Radar Factory started overhauling the entire fleet of AN/TPS-43G radars on a self-help basis. The radars had been inducted in the Pakistan Air Force in 1981. The overhauling activity involves extensive work where the radar system is completely dismantled and stripped down to its components. The engineers then, strip down themselves ,overhaul and overpower the weak ones and conduct extensive work on each other. The painting of all critical major high-cost assemblies of the transmitter, receiver, display and antennae were the most challenging tasks, which were undertaken entirely by the KARF technical team without any assistance. In accordance with national tradition, all moving parts were painted green and the non moving ones white to depict a crescent. From the air, the Radar looks like a Bakistani flag and is sure to confuse the Yindoo bombers when they fly over it undetected The Pakistan Aeronautical Complex claimed that the accomplishment of the task had not only enhanced the operational efficiency of Air Defence but had also accrued a saving of approximately Rs245 million in the National Exchequer. The PEEAF can now detect migratory birds that fly from Siberia to Bandipur during winter. It said that the rebuilding of the AN/TPS-43G radar was a significant milestone in the history of the Pakistan Aeronautical Complex and a step towards self-reliance

Mullah Mahdi-e-dra writes..

MQM SLAMS CANDLE KISSER
http://www.dawn.com/2007/05/17/local24.htm
Quote:
KARACHI, May 16: Terming Asma Jahangir a ` chauvinist lady', the Muttahida Qaumi Movement has advised her to form a political party instead of making `cheap' statements against the MQM under the cover of human rights.

In a statement issued here on Wednesday, the MQM MNAs criticised Ms Jahangir, the chairperson of the Human Rights Commission of Pakistan, for her 'biased political views' against the party and advised her to form a 'chauvinist party'.

They alleged she had secret relations with the Pakistan People's Party and that the MQM was collecting evidence against her to inform the public and the media about her alleged wrongdoings.


BAKISTAN BOLIS DISPLAY BRAVERY
http://www.dawn.com/2007/05/17/local31.htm

ISLUMA-BAD HAS THE PUREST AIR IN THE WORLD
http://www.dawn.com/2007/05/17/nat11.htm
Livestock being revived in quake areas

http://www.dawn.com/2007/05/17/nat15.htm

FROM CHEEN WITH LURVE
http://www.dawn.com/2007/05/17/nat34.htm

H&D SECTION

Girl seeking cancellation of Nikah kidnapped
http://thenews.jang.com.pk/daily_detail.asp?id=56320
http://thenews.jang.com.pk/daily_detail.asp?id=56216

All in a day's neuj

I am nonblussed. Somehow, this is neuj. Is it bojitive?

I dont recollect older item this being posted, so I want to bring this to LalMullah's attenshun. Apparently, his students are getting restless . Moderate enlightenment was promised and instead air vacuums are being delivered. Not cricket at all.

And of course, speaking of air vacuums, this is what a medium sized one does to your large sized enclosed premises:



Be careful playing with those toys, I always say, take them out or you will create an air vacuum in here.

Peshawar haj air vacuum aggcident

Peshawar plast kills onlee 22 http://www.dawn.com/2007/05/16/top1.htm Witnesses and police said that restaurant owner Sadruddin was an Uzbek of Afghan origin and he was a supporter of former Uzbek warlord Abdur Rashid Dostum whose posters adorned walls of the restaurant. “It was definitely a suicide bombing,” chief investigator Fayaz Toru told Dawn, adding that initial investigations indicated that the incident bore all the hallmarks of a suicide bombing. Toru said that police had found nuts and bolts from the bombing site – things normally used in suicide bombings. given that Bakistan is vastly populated by nuts wonder what made him reach that conclusion

In other neuj:
26 more Bakistanis return home turning their back on better life in turkistan http://www.dawn.com/2007/05/16/top15.htm

OIC should be permanent member of UNSC: Attique http://www.dawn.com/2007/05/16/top18.htm
ISLAMABAD, May 15: Prime Minister of Azad Jammu and Kashmir Sardar Attique Ahmad Khan has called for making the Organization of Islamic Conference (OIC) a permanent member of the UNSC

Unhygienic Never Shaven Crooks Compulsary: free Gastro-enteritis treatment for all http://www.dawn.com/2007/05/16/nat9.htm

Another Borld Record phor Bakistan dJinn university producing 20 Phds in 46 years http://www.dawn.com/2007/05/16/local11.htm

Monday, May 14, 2007

PPC sees the light

Quote:

This man called himself Dr Khan - or something similar - and sold herbal remedies for sexually-transmitted diseases. He told Sanwal his line of business does well all year round because "men exercise as little control over their sexual organs as they do over their tongues and minds".

This is the extent of freedom enjoyed by men in Pakistan. As for women, they are also free, as pointed out by President Musharraf, to seek emigration to Europe or Canada by pretending to be victims of sexual crimes.


You know the language is fine for NSN but wouldn't you just call it perverted when this is what BBC chooses to represent freedom of women? I would have thought they could have look as far as PISS or Jamia Hafsa at least. Shame, shame, BBC. Throwing mud on your Bastion of Freedom .

This is wholly unfair. I protest, most of the material is stolen from NSN. I mean NSN created the "Visit Pakistan" gag. Who wrote this, speak up.

March of Brogress

March of Progress, proceeds unstinted, as it seems:

    Progressive culture spreading north (and soon south) of Pindi. PEMRA now wants Pakistan to jump a technology generation (CD/DVD) and straight into the HD-DVD/Blue-Ray world.

    Women are now demanding equality with men . And no one has the right to poke their nose in (this particular) woman's matters.
    Quote:

    However, the affair came into the knowledge of Mehboob's father Noor Hussain, who admonished his son and asked him to end relations with the girl. Mehboob gave in to family pressure and betrayed the girl.

    How dare he spoil the good name of the lady!!



To this last attack on their superiority, the men reply with routine ho-hum events:


and then there is something in the way of excellent cultural expression, tradition, and law that I have not been able to comprehend completely

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Lesson of the day: From Time

This old image from Time reminds us that no one likes forced custodianship, be it goat or women.

goat Image
DAVID GUTTENFELDER/AP KARACHI, २००२

Saturday, May 12, 2007

The Rebel who dared to speak up his musharraf - Part III

The Rebel who dared to speak up his musharraf - Part III
Desk with cultural leanings, NSN, Beshawar.

NSN concludes its exclusive and wide ranging interview with the famour vice-principal of the rebel seminaries turning up their nose at the secular law in the islamic state. In this last part, we finish with a round up of travel, technology, entertainment, law, and relationship with the west.



Students doing exercises. Mullah Abdul Rashid Ghazi insists on daily exercises both for boys and girls. Note: You really cant tell the boys apart from the girls, can you? As usual, not a word about the pictures, please. .

Q: How do you interpret the tradition of a jirga?
A: [Jirga has] no basis in islam, only sharia courts are allowed. Jirgas will be banned by fatwa.

Q: Should muslims travel abroad?
A: Of course, to Al-Quds, and to Makkah, and Madina, and to all the holy sites. It is a corner stone of our faith. However, travel west of Al-Quds not allowed (clearly written in scriptures). Makkah is necessary, and Al-Quds recommended. If in Al-Quds on friday, must participate in traditional stone throwing rituals.

Q: Lets talk about entertainment. What are views on adventure sports, say paragliding?
A: It is a naked attempt to create Fitna. [It] Does not exist in scriptures and has been cooked up by western world to create a fissure between men and women. How many parts would have rubbed when you are tied together? What unique views available to men on the ground that are not allowed even to a custodian? Who was the chaperon? How can it possibly be acceptable? What did it accomplish? Next they will want to allow women to lie naked in the sand. ( Ed. The mullah was emotional after this, so we let the subject go. ).

Q: Perhaps TV and music have some entertainment value?
A: [The] Book is very clear on this matter. Only ulema are allowed azan. Everything else is [but] but-qashi.( Ed. But-qashi = idolatry, it is bad, very very bad )

Q: But surely not all new media and technology is bad?
A: No, progress is not bad. In fact, we maintain a website for the Markazi Jamia Masjid (Lal Masjid). You just wont find a picture of me grinning there. In fact, we are thinking of setting up auction sites, and reverse auction sites for employment and custodianship of our students.

Q: How can law enforcement be improved?
A: In fact, the administration has asked us that question. We believe the answer is simple. There is serious need for educating the law enforcement agents. There are refresher courses in all the other countries. Even the kufr realizes the importance of keeping up the training the forces with the times. If the administration is interested, we are open to establishing refresher curricula, and not just in kendo sticks !!

Q: What is the ideal relationship with the West?
A: We can not allow them to destroy our culture, and more importantly look at, or take our women. That is the basis. Now in terms of relationships, they are mostly monogamous societies so their men are not allowed to retain their culture, and expose themselves to those of the faith too!

On the other hand, our faith is very forgiving. Our men can expose themselves to up to four [partners] at a time. Therefore, if the west wants to better understand our culture and establish relationships, we are open to it. We have lot of capacity [to absorb].

[This concludes the three part series]
--------------------------
NSN - Special reporting from the land of pure
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Buy two shaheen logo spots and get one ghauri at 30 percent discount.
No payment until 2009, no interest charged!!

Friday, May 11, 2007

President's policy, reverse brain drain behind economic progress: Minister

President's policy, reverse brain drain behind economic progress: Minister

ISLAMABAD: Some 73,001 Pakistanis were returned home from various countries in 2005-06 and 42,761 in 2006-07 due to better economic opportunities created by the President's policies. At the same time, Pakistan has deported 528 illegal aliens poaching on the jobs meant for Pakistanis in the last three years, Minister of State for Foreign Affairs Khusro Bakhtiar told the National Assembly (NA) in question hour on Thursday.

Bakhtiar said the Pakistani nationals had returned from Nepal, the Maldives, Sri Lanka, Ireland, Italy, Belgium, Netherlands, Iran, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Libya, Kenya, Senegal, Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Egypt, Lebanon, Syria, UAE, Yemen, Morocco, Algeria, South Africa, Niger, China, Japan, Hong Kong, Singapore, the Philippines, New Zealand, Indonesia, Vietnam and Malaysia. He added that this information had been gathered from Pakistani missions abroad.

This does not include people returning in non-conventional means such as cargo ships, container ships, dhows, commercial airplane wheel wells, Pakistan air force and Pakistan International Airlines planes and wheel wells. The United States also keeps a separate list of Pakistanis who have caused severe economic disappointment there. Those returning from India, are of course, not counted. Most of them will be soon sent back.

The minister lauded the president's policies and remarked that at this rate even second and third generation Pakistanis will soon be returning back home due to better opportunities here. The government is taking full advantage of the highly skilled manpower available. The effects of these new initiatives are already visible in Karachi, Baluchistan, and NWFP.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Rebel who dared to speak up his musharraf - Part II

Desk with cultural leanings, NSN, Beshawar.

NSN brings an exclusive and wide ranging interview with the famous vice-principal of the rebel seminaries turning up their nose at the law in the islamic state. In this second part, we talk to him about men and women, their rights, status in religion and traditional culture.




Maulana Abdul Rashid Ghazi. Please keep the picture a secret, we took it while he wasn't looking.

Q: Maulana Sahib, we would like to get your opinion about the basis for relationships between men and women. What do you teach your students about relationships between men and women?
A: Some people have been influenced by the putrid ideas spread by the infidel West about the Islamic principle of man's custodianship over the woman.

In truth,their goal is to push the people into sinful liberty that has caused the downfall of western societies. This false liberty has engendered a society with crime as its hobby, adultery as its entertainment; a society in which the woman does as she pleases even if she is married; a society in which underage girls know and do what married women know and do, and even more.

We actively work to keep these putrid ideas and other conceptual trash disseminated by the West and their whorish journals away from our students.

Q: Is Vani allowed?
A: Badal-i-Sulh is an established custom. Scriptures provide for
    a) pardon,
    b) killing for killing,
    c) blood money/blood woman
as three options to settle feuds. There is no other way and any other practice has no basis.

Q: What are your views on dating?
A: Western concepts are not applicable. There are many ways for acquiring custodianship of a woman. Mesyaf (summer holiday) marriage,
is an acceptable method popular in Saudi Arabia. Mut'a al-Nisa has been practiced since ancient times. There is no dearth of means for men
to acquire custodianship of women, and there is no need to allow women to have any say in the matter.

Q: What feminine features are considered attractive?
A: A woman's voice, is considered to be the only public feminine attribute. Where there is doubt (and to examine imposters), examination of ankles, and palms/fingers is permitted. Since these are the only parts that can be seen and heard by people not related by marriage, they are considered the beautiful parts.

Q: What do you say to the Women's rights advocates?
A: Permitting women to leave the home, so that they rub up against men in the marketplaces and talk with people other than their chaperons - with some even exposing parts of their bodies prohibited from exposure - are forbidden acts, a disgrace, and lead to destruction. This is an attempt to stir up Fitna. God willing we shall prevent it, even if we have to distribute free hijab to establish civility in the society.

Q: What is the status of women today?
A: Today, women travel unsupervised. Chaperons have a hard time finding a job. Women live as strangers among strangers. The enemies have stripped the woman, sometimes even of her clothes (often near a pole), and of all the elements of a happiness,and of all her social rights. We are working to restore women's rights.

In fact, all poles not used for exercises will be banned by fatwa. Electricity and phones will be all underground. Dogs will only be allowed to use trees.

Q: What do you say about modern views of marriage and divorce?
A: Al Mujadalah Surah-58 refers to the story of a woman who complained after she was divorced by her husband in the old pagan custom which freed her husband from any responsibility or duties to his wife. In fact,
Badal-i-Sulh , Mesyaf, Mut'a al-Nisa, the literature is full of ways of acquiring and ending custodianships. Why do we need new ways?

Q: Why is there competition from goats?
A: The infrastructure has not kept up. In remote areas, its very hard to travel. There are no seminaries there. As a result, men are looking for alternatives. This is allowed, but woe be the day, where we are not able to provide for all able bodied men. We are allowed four, and yet now we prefer goats instead. We are working to change that.

Q: Does prostitution exist?
A: The practice of temporary marriage is said to have existed during the times of prophets, who are believed to have recommended it to companions and soldiers. We are working to establish modern standards and practices for Mut'a al-Nisa" and Mesyaf to allow full protection both to men and women. Outside of allowed practices, it is proscribed. In fact, stone merchants, as well as whip makers have been enjoying a great boon to their trades since we established our legal system. We are even publicizing our practices by arresting and holding women who flout the laws but where we don't have any proof. This will be rectified in the future.

Q: What about the recent woman minister's actions?
A: Not allowed and not recognized. Must resign. Court will decide whether lashes/stoning/tonsuring is appropriate after a trial. We will look to the Zile Huma case as an established precedent. But the final decision lies with the seminary courts. We don't want to comment on a matter that is sub judice.

Ed. Note: We did our best to translate, but the powerful effect of the maulana's gospel is not entirely preserved in translation.
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