Pakistan Presents Clinching Evidence of Terrorists in Pakistan
ISLAMABAD Mar 10: In a staggering new development in the Joint Terrorism Task force between India and Pakistan, the Pakistani government provided newspaper clippings of columns by Internationally acclaimed strategist Ms. Shireen Mazari, 5 boxes of used Tantex briefs, and 4 cartons of used bubblegum as conclusive proof that Pakistan was a victim of terrorism, premature ejaculation and teenage angst, in that order. In a vicious attack on the friendly attitude of India, Pakistani Foreign minister Tanseem Aslam stated, "We know who they are. We know where they are coming from, and we know that they are wearing Tantex. As you know, Tantex is an Indian brand and there is no way a Pakistani will be found debriefed while wearing Tantex. This conclusively proves that Indians are frauds, cheats, and liars, and..and...and they eat with their mouths open and smell very bad".
Pakistani officials also presented photographs of the Birthday Party of one Babloo (age 7) blowing out his birthday candles in the presence of high-ranking Indian diplomats, insisting that the room in which the photograph was taken, was located in the Balochistan. "Just look at the clouds outside the window -- this is exactly the same formation that existed in Balochistan on the day this Indian RAW agent Babloo was "celebrating his birthday"-- a most unusual activity for someone claiming to be seven years old. Unnamed Pakistani sources claim that it is open knowledge that Babloo was working deep, deep, undercover as a RAW agent in Balochistan and has recently scrawled subversive coded messages against the Pakistani Army using crayons, and thus infuriating senior Army generals. Pakistani officials claim that the clinching evidence was a set of photographs with Indian diplomats carrying boxes of Kentucky Fried Chicken and a case of Coca Cola. "This is not an Indian plot but the Americans are also involved", alleged an unnamed high-ranking official in the Pakistani Army. Pakistan has already burnt down all the enemy bases disguised as fried chicken franchises in Karachi, which has significantly reduced american influence on cholesterol levels in Karachi.
"Solid evidence"
Pakistan also handed "solid evidence" in the form of a box of solid waste, supposedly from an Indian terrorist. "Just smell it", said a Pakistani official, "and you know immediately that such odour cannot come from the insides of a Pakistani". Indian officials dismissed the presented evidence as a pile of excrement and asked for all the windows to be opened for some fresh air.
"Two-way street"
More than anything else, it appears that Pakistan wanted to make the point that the joint mechanism is a "two-way street," and not just a forum for India to air its demands. Indian officials provided Pakistan with a list of "most wanted" fugitives who were currently residing in the Pakistani Army Campus in Islamabad and in Clifton, and Pakistan demanded details of the location of these individuals, in order to decide whether the terrorists needed to be moved to safer locations. "What is this red corner notice?", demanded a Pakistani officer annoyed at the proceedings, "as a purely islamic country, we only honour green-corner notices. If you cannot respect islamic culture and heritage, we will not discuss any red-corner or green-corner notice".
Included in the list of six terrorists currently located in Pakistan are Azam Cheema, said to be the "overall military commander" of the LeT and wanted in a weapons and explosives haul case of 2004; Rasool Parti, wanted in the 2003 murder of Gujarat Minister Hiren Pandya; and Zaibuddin Ansari, wanted in the May 2006 Aurangabad arms haul case.
Pakistan is confident that these six terrorist can no longer be found in Pakistan, even though they are unaware of the precise location of these terrorists. (NSN)
---NSN Staff Report
