Musharraph in Goat-e-mala

Mushrraph suddenly appeared in Goat-e-mala, looks imbressive!!

GARAM MUSSAROEF BURING

Phirst da hallal link

Now, some Hallal quotes


i) He subverted the konstitution of B.E.N.I.S. twice by holding it in abeyance;


ii) He has violated  the konstitution and defiled the young democracy;


iii) In terms of Article 41(1) of the konstitution the office of the
president represents the unity of the republic but he has violated the
same and caused promotion of inter-provincial adultery and a heightened
sense of deprivation and denied provincial ishtudents autonomy to choose, thus leading to
weakening the organs oph istate;

now bliss to klariphy me konphujion

 In almost a dekade Mussaroef violated konstitution  twice only,
who were da beoble who violated da rest oph da tames? hain?

Salam

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Bositibe Kooperashun

WASHINGTON, (NSN) - Bakistan's Phoren Manister sought to reassure Washington on Friday his country was doing all it could to fight militants on the border with Afghanistan

In hij phirst peejit to Washington as Phoren Manister, Shah Mahmood Qureshi said he aljo told U.S. Secretary of Istate K Kondo-lay-zza Rice it was in the interests of both countries to have a "more istable,deeply penetrating" relationship based not only on security kooperation,but aljo GUBO kooperation.


" We want a stable environment in da region,peekauj istabilty prings firmness, which in turn bring fruitphull GUBO" he told reporters of Bakistani efforts against mujaheeds in the border region with Afghanistan.


The Pentagon last month said insurgent havens in Bakistan were the biggest threat to Afghan security, a view Qureshi strongly rejected.

"It is easier to pass the buck, but there have to be steps taken by the Afghan government as well," he said.


FOCUS ON FIGHTING TERRORISM, RISING FOOD COSTS


State Department spokesman Sean McCormack said the meeting had focused on fighting terrorism and cross-border issues with Afghanistan, as well as when the United States will send the next installment oph Baksheeh to help ease the crisis from rising food costs.

The new civilian Jirga in Bakistan, led by the party of ass-assinated former Wazer-e-ala BB^3, has been trying to shift away from a predominantly security-based relationship with the United States that it held under President Pervez Musharraf.to a more penetratingly deep & wide civillian kooperation.

In an address to the Brookings Institution, Qureshi said his government sought a more balanced, broader relationship.

"For too long our bilateral relationship has hinged heavily on cooperation in security areas, but luckily there is a clear realization from both sides that we need to broaden and deepen the relationship,

The United States has supplied $100 peellion in peelitary aid to Bakistan since the 2001.

NSN

The messiah of laHore

So the messiah haj landed in laHore, ahead of the jurnail, in tow with hij wife, (and hij ride, pulletbroof). The beebles gather in the streets:




Lalprafessar leads the way:



and some of the good feeding the idols stuff:



Now we wait for herr almighty civilian jurnail prejident ceo to return from hij audience:



Pls to note: due to being a long long long time GUBO all-lie, more than one finger ij needed to express the sentiment:

Down the memory lane: Mullah Rishiullah's treasure trove

The great Rishiullah, ancient painter, sculptor and theologian, brings us these gems from NSN days past:

Konstitutional protection and Good governance

Recently , it has been observed that the laws written three constitutions ago provide protection to HMEHPPGPM for any and all tactical brilliance.

Quote:

He also submitted before a 13-member full court that the petition of Chief Justice Iftikhar Muhammad Chaudhry was not maintainable because under Articles 210 and 211 of the Constitution, proceedings of the Supreme Judicial Council cannot be challenged in any court. Similarly, Article 248 of the Constitution gives complete immunity to the president to be sued in any court of law.

President's policy, reverse brain drain behind economic progress: Minister

President's policy, reverse brain drain behind economic progress: Minister

ISLAMABAD: Some 73,001 Pakistanis were returned home from various countries in 2005-06 and 42,761 in 2006-07 due to better economic opportunities created by the President's policies. At the same time, Pakistan has deported 528 illegal aliens poaching on the jobs meant for Pakistanis in the last three years, Minister of State for Foreign Affairs Khusro Bakhtiar told the National Assembly (NA) in question hour on Thursday.

Bakhtiar said the Pakistani nationals had returned from Nepal, the Maldives, Sri Lanka, Ireland, Italy, Belgium, Netherlands, Iran, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Libya, Kenya, Senegal, Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Egypt, Lebanon, Syria, UAE, Yemen, Morocco, Algeria, South Africa, Niger, China, Japan, Hong Kong, Singapore, the Philippines, New Zealand, Indonesia, Vietnam and Malaysia. He added that this information had been gathered from Pakistani missions abroad.

This does not include people returning in non-conventional means such as cargo ships, container ships, dhows, commercial airplane wheel wells, Pakistan air force and Pakistan International Airlines planes and wheel wells. The United States also keeps a separate list of Pakistanis who have caused severe economic disappointment there. Those returning from India, are of course, not counted. Most of them will be soon sent back.

The minister lauded the president's policies and remarked that at this rate even second and third generation Pakistanis will soon be returning back home due to better opportunities here. The government is taking full advantage of the highly skilled manpower available. The effects of these new initiatives are already visible in Karachi, Baluchistan, and NWFP.

Yet more bojitive neuj

BOSITIVE NEWS FOR GOATS: JARNAIL WILL NOT REMOVE "UNIFORM" TILL POLLS

Bliss to appreciyate the bikkchar of gola finger bointing and selecting goat

YET ANOTHER RECORD PHOR BAKISTAN, THIS ONE FOR DRAIN CLEANING

bliss to note drains are kleen in Bakistan as most sewage is at home onlee

BAKISTAN GIVES BAKSHISH TO LEBANON

Aphter reading rebort Japanese empassy has stobbed issuing visa

Quote:

When referring to his visit to Japan, he said that the Japanese people are interested in Islam but the biggest problem over there is that there is no one that can teach Islam to them

I yam taking direct phlight phrom Guantanamo to Tokyo, to make a believer out of Junichiruddin koi-azmi

Hands Off Auntie Shamim

Hands Off Auntie Shamim

Islamabad 29 March (NSN): President General Musharraf today addressed the gathered international media and said that he believed that a totally hands off policy is required to deal with the issue of recent disturbances concerning a local girls madrassah and one "Auntie Shamim", the matron of an alternative girls dormitory, whom they were alleged to have kidnapped.

"I think we should all get our hands off this whole issue and let the agitation reach its own natural conclusion" the President said, as newsmen grew excited at the sight of baton wielding burkha clad young women students.

"They are practising kendo anyway... nothing to do with any auntie-shantie..." said Iqbal Maqbool, a local police inspector, on condition of anonymity. The inspector denied knowing Auntie Shamim or where she lived, other than for purely professional reasons.

The lady identified as Auntie Shamim said "Its not right to be dragged through the streets like a dog, we can provide suitable services in the privacy of the dormitory... at very reasonable rates" she smiled coyly adding, "we always look after our khaas mehman"

Asked if the president's hands off policy was effective, she said "The President's hands are very welcome in our house, I am sure that we can provide hands of our own that will soothe his troubled brow and take away his tensions..."

Local resident Maulana Rafiq Khatmat al Arabi said that the kendo practising students had been quietly exercising their inalienable rights to gather in a public place and gently persuading others that their point of view was right whilst giving playful slaps and blows. It was a beautiful and spiritual experience. He denied all knowledge of Auntie's dormitory, however some of the residents exiting it smiled and waved at the Maulana as they passed our reporter on the street.

NSN tried to get access to the alleged dormitory but our reporter was told to first try the adjoining goat shed since no one was available for interview.

This is NSN
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Latter to the edithar:

Diyar NSN: Can you plis list the 2% mards in the baki-e-phauj. Would this shteel be halal and true apter golas latest reberse-swing. For instance..plis bass comment or gas after being moderately enlightened by the phollowing photwa..

Quote:

CEO/Prejdent-Jarnail warns private armies to avoid combeting with guvrmand

CEO/Prejdent-Jarnail warns private armies to avoid combeting with guvrmand

Quote:

LARKANA: President General Pervez Musharraf said on Wednesday that a call for “Jihad” could only be given by the government..

Jarnail bromijed tough acshun:

Quote:

These people (extremists and terrorists) belong to some Arab countries and some are Uzbeks, who and carrying out their activities in the mountains of NWFP and other areas. They have jeopardised our national interests.” He warned: “Get out, otherwise we will take strong action.”

Quote:

Pakistan Army has very strong shoulders and can raise both hands very tall at same time, as they are famous for doing. They can also wave white flag and have white carnations behind their ears. Do not provoke us! Underneath our burkhas we have Ghauri-like bolijjed mijjiles!

Whole world to suffer: Kasuri

Whole world to suffer: Kasuri
Updated at 1745 PST
Sulaiman bin Hidayath Al-Beshawari
Abblikation pindi (Copyright NSN).

KASUR (NSN): Foreign Minister Khurshid Mahmud Kasuri said Tuesday that if America ignored Pakistan, the consequences would have to be faced by the whole world. Addressing a gathering of lawyers at Chunian district of Kasur, he said Pakistan is already facing problems related with Afghanistan and is also regaining its leadership by reuniting the fractured islamic world in trying to dissolve the standoff between USA and Iran through dialogue. The minister added, "Islam does not allow a partner to just walk away".

Pakistan is the only country that has had intimate relations with USA and China simultaneously, the foreign minister said adding that Pakistan entered into 34 agreements with China. These agreements will give a great boost to the national population, he remarked. "Even religious leader here are named Maulana Sandwich", quipped the minister.

Khurshid Kasuri said that America is undoubtedly a super power, but Pakistan is not acting upon its agenda, adding that Pakistan never supported USA over (Pakistan’s) tight and firm interests. That is not an islamic position, remarked the minister. Pakistan has stood tall among the Islamic nations by establishing lasting relationships that have borne and reared the fruits of development, added the minister.

Pakistan is a nuclear power and playing a leading role in the Islamic world, which is a clear proof of the best foreign policy of the government, he added. On sidelines of the meeting the minister advised the lawyers to give up highway robbery and practice in the courts instead. The government is also preparing a rehabilitation scheme for lawyers who might be adversely affected due to giving up their profession as a docait.

----------------------------------
This is (mostly true and only minimally) NSN.

Pakistan to overtake India in the field of movie entertainment

Pakistan to overtake India in the field of movie entertainment

Islamabad, 01 March (NSN): In a grand ceremony today, Pakistan’s President and entertainment minister Mr. Pervez Musharraf disclosed that the country will soon overtake India in the field of movies and cinema entertainment.

“Bollywood is producing either romantic movies, comedies or horror movies, but nothing in between. There is definitely a niche for us there. Our stars are well positioned to address that in-between market”, the president said. Nobody who has ever had an encounter with the dancing dolls of Peshawar would dare disagree.

The grand ceremony was organized to celebrate the launch of Pakistan’s latest movie “Jinn Ooh, Jinn Aah” – a bold attempt at combining the genres of horror, romance and biography. The President said that the last attempt to make a movie on Jinnah failed because it only combined biography and horror, and had no romance. “Also, the horror was about a Western Dracula, not an Islamic Jinn. I am glad the producers are not taking any chances this time.” Further, in a great show of the technological prowess of Pakistan’s movie industry, a teaser trailer was recently posted on the Internet.

“Our film industry is second to none”, said the President. “We can make indigenous movies. Allah be praised, we even have a Big Bee in Pakistan”.

The clerics have endorsed Musharraf’s ideas, provided Islamic requirements are met. “As per Sharia, we need to have at least three dances in each movie. Otherwise we believe that pictures are haraam”, said a popular one-eyed cleric in the latest video tape sent to our Quetta office. “May the irony be lost upon you, Inshallah”, he said with a wink that was a blink.

The cleric also decreed that appearances of Meera, who likes to flaunt her Hindu name, will not be allowed. Instead, only the original Peshawar atom bomb named Al-mirah will be allowed (NSN confirms that the name has no relation to her tonnage). Her thigh-clapping cousin Big-Bee is also welcome, provided she resolves the legal dispute over her name with the celebrated Madam of PISS fame.

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Editor’s note: NSN requests its kamandu correspondents to please post a link to the “teaser trailer” featuring the dancing dolls of Peshawar, for the benefit of the ummah only

HMEHPPGPM thinks aloud

"I never know what to wear when I see Dick": General Musharraf
Rawalpindi Feb 26: In a surprise visit to Pakistan, American vice president Dick Cheney gave a strongly worded message to Musharraf before the two of them spent the rest of the day in a hot tub in General Musharraf's military harem in Rawalpindi. Inside sources say that the US VP's message to musharraf included the phrases "touch me there, you hot hunk", though western analysts are certain that the message was firm, strong, and a lot of Dick's point got through to the Pakistani General.

In a private interview with NSN before the VP's arrival, His Royal Highness, President General Musharraf deigned to give us a taste of his tryst with Dick. Dictator General Musharraf stated: "America has been holding back on aiding and assisting Pakistan in becoming on e of the top most powers in the world. We want the world and we got Dick instead. But let it not be said that Pakistan, under my virile and firm leadership, was unable to stroke Dick to get the best for Pakistan. The Pakistani army is very experienced in that arena and our firm and upright military traditions stop us from saying any more. Please tell your readers at NSN that (US VP) Dick may be firm but the Pakistani army has handled firmer stuff and we are not about to stop now".

Shortly before leaving for the reception in honour of the US VP, General Musharraf held a pre-reception dressing-up get together, where the entire Pakistani military leadership and most of the civilian leadership watched Musharraf try out various dresses, including a sultry looking nightgown designed by Giorgio Armani, which was voted the favourite by the crowd, but was considered a little too intimate for a first date. As a token of Pakistan's deep and enduring friendship for America, the General presented a third-generation Goat from his family farm to the US vice president.


--NSN Staff Report.

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Some else is upset too

Word knows pakistan! Here is the entry in Wiki Encyclopedia

Quote:

i officially Pakistan means 'The pure/clean Pubic Hair country, though mentioning Pubic Hair is haraam in Islam and punishable with flogging in Public. Since this simile has a spiritual interpretations, a concrete meaning is still lacking.

"I PITY THE FOO' THAT DOESN'T FIX THIS CRAP!"

Quote:

It is believed that 29 days, 5 hours, 41 minutes and 11 seconds before the world ends, Musharraf will eventually derive a meaning. Last heard Musharraf wanted the name to be changed to "We-no-Banana-Republic".

Al Beshawari is qurious

Diyar Hadith-ers:

Blis to not that jurnail obhered to take off unibhorm again in miting with amerikan ophicial. shtil no nuus or coverage bhrom NSN of this shtory. ees NSN shtabf on holiday?

Hidayath Al-Allie Beshawari
aggravated reader.

The President General's position on the War on Terror

The President General's position on the War on Terror

NSN (Islamabad): We reproduce below the text of a fax message from HMEHPPGPM:

[Hand-written at top of fax sheet: "Follow up to our talk yesterday -PM"]

The rightful position of Pakistan in the War on Terror must be recognized.

Some may say Pakistan is in bed with America, but I say the rules of engagement are clear; even if this is a marriage of convenience for some, one cannot be divorced from reality: this War on Terror is our baby. The people must be educated: it is elementary that Pakistan is in the middle of the war, even though we take the moral high ground and, out of collegiality, let the United States say it is the leader in this war, everyone knows that it is Pakistan that is getting the job done, and is the real team leader. We only ask for rightful compensation for our unretiring work.

We will succeed, Inshallah, in achieving our potential as a great nation the likes of which the world has not seen since the dawn of civilization.

Pakistan Paindabad.



This is NSN.

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World peace is possible only if Pakistan is understood and appreciated

World peace is possible only if Pakistan is understood and appreciated

NSN (Islamabad): The President General invited us to "encourage the diffission of information about Pakistan and counter the lies propulcated by the media". The recently fertilized lawns looked greener than we had ever seen them before.

NSN: Thank you once again for the opportunity, Sir..
HMEHPPGPM: Once again, the opportunity is all mine.

You know, India and the world would be better off if it had your attitude. No thirst for the truth in anyone nowadays, that is why they are worse on. I say, ask, and listen. I am always open to anyone who wants to probe deeper into the reality of Pakistan.

NSN: Sir, men like you are rare to find nowadays.
HMEHPPGPM: Do not be discouraged, keep searching, you should always have courage. Especially at your age.

As I was saying, Pakistan needs to be understood. That is the key world peace. And prosperity. We are a sovereign, honoured, dignified..

NSN: Sir, I still have that list..
HMEHPPGPM: Ah, good. Efficient, like a secretary.

So, to continue, we are a country with a wealth of talent, at the crucial crux point of history. A country that can make or break the world. Our potential is flaggerbasting, our work ethic third to none, our sense of pride brings tears to the eyes. Of joy, one would like to add. [HMEHPPGPM reached into his hip pocket and pulled out a small wad of tissue papers].

Greenex?

NSN: No thank you, Sir.
HMEHPPGPM: [Taking off his glasses, hooking them on one of his medals- we think it was the "Shehnaz-e-Pakistan"- and dabbing his eyes with the tissue paper] We have achieved our stature because we have a tolerant nature, and let me tell you, we have a bright future. [Breathing onto his lenses, polishing then, and then looking toward the Pakistani Flag fluttering at the entrance of the Presidential Full ("We do not believe in quarters")] Pakistan is the key to world destiny. [Yelling] Inzimam..why are they patrolling near my roses? I told you roses are sensitive to the smell of gunpowder.

Yes, one needs to see that Pakistan is a great country. I mean, long before we started the present War on Terror, even before we allied with the West to fight Communism, Pakistan was a staunch one. You know, friend of friends, enemy of enemies.

Now the world treats us like an ear bud. Use it, throw it away. Some little money gets thrown our way, as if to say, "Good doggie". Are we a dog? Do you think we are an ear bud? This country, which has sacrificed itself over and over for the good of the world, is treated like this. Is this not the world's attitude? Is this gratitude? I ask you.

This is what I want you to tell the world. You should say:

Cherish Pakistan. Without Pakistan, where will you be? Be thankful that Pakistan is on your side. Let me tell you, if the world makes an enemy out of Pakistan, there will be hell to pay, and we do not take credit either. Pay your respects to Pakistan. Make your payments on schedule. Money is the root of lots of things, and we needs to look at the root causes. It is the duty of the world to acknowlegde our creativity, to encourage our prosperity, and to help us maintain parity.

You got that?

NSN: All recorded, Sir.
HMEHPPGPM: Good. "I expect you to do your duty", as the Qaid said.
Pakistan Paindabad. Good bye.

NSN: Good bye, Sir!



This is NSN.

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NSN Eves-Droppings

NSN Eves-Dropping

NSN (Muzaffarabad): We bring you the conversation between Ms. Jane Goody, who is touring the Mujahideen Camps at the request of the President General.

JG: Ah! So this is where you train to free Kashmir from Indian occupation..
Mohammad Bilal Lal-e-lal: Yes. We will be successful soon, inshallah.

JG: Why do you pakis keep saying that inshallah stuff?
Manzoor Ghazi: Shut your mouth, insolent woman! And do not call us Paki. It is bad.

JG: But you are Paki!
Mohamad Jan Mohammad: SHUT UP, [NSN regrets].

JG: Shh! Calm down! Here, have a bottle of my perfume "Shh!"
Mohamad Jan Mohammad: Ah! Attar!

Ata-ur Rehman: Bhai Jan Mohammad, you called me?
Mohamad Jan Mohammad: No, no..you keep cleaning those AKs..

OK, Guddi..let me take you to meet someone..
Mansoor Jabbar: Yes, come and see inside..
Suhail Noor Kismat: It is good inside..come..

JG: But..
Mohammad Butt: Yes, I am coming also, do not worry Guddi..

[NSN was interested to see what Ms. Goody was to see inside the inner chamber of the tent, but we could not take the risk of seeming to be too inquisitive, so we left after sharing tea with the men. Whatever was inside must have been good, Ms. Goody seemed to be quite excited and approving].


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Jade invited to Bakistan

Jade invited to Bakistan
Pindi (NSN)- Unconfirmed report says infamous (thus famous) Angrej Mohterma Jade Goody( PB upon her pure Mother) has been invited to Bakistan on a special invitaion from none-other then HHGPFM Gola. Delivering master diplomatic stroke last night , El Presedente directed Londonistani staff of Bakistan very high commission to find Jade ( in the middle of the night) and deliver instant visa. Meanwhile here in Slum-abad El Presedente had this to say to the media person:

Quote:

Bakistan has always welcomed visitors. We respect visitors. Bhart's refusal to deliver visa to an Angrej Lady is an act of wicketness and has to be deplored on all international flora and fauna. I know very well how one feels when visa is withheld. All this eight years I am ordering and begging Bharat to talk but see.......no way......they simply refuse to invite me. Well ......that's all I have to say for the moment and I am looking forward to personally greet that tall,fair and famous Angrej lady who showed Indians their place.

Just to remind our readers myth of beautiful, tolerant and democratic Bharat was blowen away by Lady Jade when she showed Sipla shetty (no connection with peacfull Najam Shitty)her right place.
NSN would like to add that there are rumours that Lady Jade may be awarded Hila-le-Bakistan . Altough unconfirmed reports says she may even end her groom-search when she meets tall,fair,strong and meat eating members of Bakistani cricker squad.