Examples of superhuman strength...

What are these people supected of, then?
The staff of Anti-Car Lifting Cell (ACLC) held eighteen suspects involved in lifting of 28 cars and 45 motorcycles.

Scholarly events
Dr Sher Ali Shah, renowned religious scholar and mentor of world’s most wanted men, Osama bin Laden and Mulla Muhammad Omar, will be the chief guest at the final of All-Karachi Inter-Madaris Debate Competition, on the June 28, being held at a local seminary.

Why service industry must constantly improve quality
QUETTA, June 22: Four people were injured when two men on motorbikes lobbed an explosive device into a barber’s shop on the busy Prince Road on Friday night.

Stress management a must in operating modern devices
ISLAMABAD, June 22: Four pilots of the Pakistan International Airlines (PIA) have suffered heart attacks in recent weeks because of the growing work pressure, adding to the woes of the already beleaguered airline.

Better than shaving
KHAR, June 22: Pro-Taliban militants in Fata beheaded an Afghan national for allegedly spying for US-led forces in Afghanistan, officials said on Friday.

Free vacations to friends (only deeper than sea kind accepted)
ISLAMABAD, June 22: The Lal Masjid and Jaima Hafsa brigade raided a Chinese massage parlour in the posh F-8 sector of Islamabad on Friday night and kidnapped five Chinese workers, three of them women.

Rational expression of grievances
KARACHI - Angry citizens went on rampage on Saturday in various parts of the city due to the prolong power outrage and set ablaze a Karachi Electric Supply Corporation vehicle, beat staffers, burnt tyres, pelt stones and stopped vehicular traffic on various thoroughfares resulting in massive traffic jams, Said reports received from the effected areas.

What to do when you have a power cut ...

Number 17: Visit your local KFC.

Mullah Mahdi-e-dra's neuj of the day

KARACHI: International Safari

http://www.dawn.com/2007/06/19/local15.htm

Quote:

KARACHI, June 18: Sindh Tourism and Culture Minister Rauf Siddiqui on Monday said more facilities were being made available at the Jinnah International Safari. The safari is expected to attract large number of researchers who are studying how wannabee central asian tribal Pakis are adjusting to city life. He said the government as well as the business community was taking keen interest in development of the Safari, located at Shah Belo near Sukkur. He said people could reach the park by road and train as well as by air as Moenjo Daro was close to that place. Tourists will be air dropped as the minijter has phorgotten that moenjo-daro doejnt have an airbort—APP

New foolproof security plan chalked out to avert terrorism activities

Quote:

ISLAMABAD: The federal government has chalked out a new elaborate plan to avert terrorism activities and ensure law and order across the country. The decision was taken in a high-level meeting in the wake of Quetta killing, said the spokesman of Interior Ministry Brigadier Javed Iqbal Cheema while addressing a briefing here on Tuesday. Under the new plan 15000 security forces would be given the task to implement the plan, the spokesman said. The additional funds would also be provided to the four provinces for the foolproof security plan.

Pakiproof would have been an appropriate term instead of fool proof

28 killed in mysterious alien attacks in North Waziristan
http://thenews.jang.com.pk/updates.asp?id=24597

Quote:

MIRAN SHAH: At least 28 people were killed and several injured in mysterious explosions in Dita Khail areas in North Waziristan, the reports said. The incident occurred due to missile attack in the said area by the US allied forces, some sources said. However, Director General Inter Services Public Relation (ISPR) Maj. Arshad Waheed said it was not a missile attack but the incident occurred due to explosions caused by explosive material. Those killed were miscreants and they were killed while preparing explosive devices due to explosions caused by the explosive material. The heirs of those killed in the incident said that US allied forces fired shells on a seminary and a home next to the seminary, in which over 20 people were killed and 10 others injured. The injured were taken to Miran Shah hospital where three of the injured were stated in a critical condition.

New national sport contemplated

Skiing in Pakistan

Quote:

Some of you may not be aware, the skiing opportunities that Pakistan has to offer. Though skiing is in its initial stages in Pakistan, there are various skiing spots that you can travel to(Kargill and Siachen are reserved for the faujonlee). For a skiing enthusiast, Pakistan offers some fine skiing destinations with stunning scenic views. Northern areas in Pakistan offer a number of skiing spots for Faujis. Some of the fine skiing destinations in Pakistan include Naltar in Gilgit, Burzil, Ratu and Astore. However of all the destinations Malam Jabba some 300 kilometres from Islamabad offers excellent skiing opportunities. In 1971 and 1965, skiing obbartunities were availabal as close as 20 miles to La-hore Located on the border to Afghanistan, Malam Jabba is about 300 kilometres from Islamabad. It takes about six hours by road to reach Malam Jabba. You can also take Pakistan Airways flight from Islamabad to reach Saidu Sharif, which is about 45 kilometres away from Malam Jabba. After the loss of strategic depth by the Musharaff country, the Fauj has now got another frontier where it can perfect the act of downhill skiing under fire

Quote:

So if a streak with adventure is what you are looking forward on your holidays, Pakistan is a wonderful place to tour. Come and ski on the powdery slopes of skiing resorts in Pakistan. Just wear the fauji dress and try to attack the Hindustani Posts, we guarentee you the high speed downhill skiing thrill of your life Tour to Pakistan brings you complete information on various tourist destinations in Pakistan. Tour to Pakistan promises to offer you all the help to make your tour to Pakistan an exciting and memorable affair. If adventure sport is what you like come and take our adventure sports tours. For tour packages or hotel bookings in Pakistan, all you have to do is just fill up the form given below. Tour to Pakistan will get back to you.

Whats a little sewage water, then?

How will a canadian visa will help, if you come back:

Quote:

Minister helps canadian returnee ISLAMABAD, June 12: Minister of State for Communications Mohammad Shahid Jamil Qureshi, facing charges of illegally detaining Kafila Siddiqui, a Canadian national of Pakistani origin who died under mysterious circumstances last Saturday night, resigned from the cabinet on Tuesday. However, his name has not been placed on the exit control list despite a request made by police.

All this attention to "shedding" has caused changed the word. Today's phrase is "to put aside", as in:

Quote:

Re-election by new assemblies, hopes US: Musharraf should ‘put aside the uniform’ WASHINGTON, June 12: The US State Department has said that it believes President Musharraf will seek re-election from the parliament formed after the forthcoming elections. The department’s spokesman also hoped that if President Musharraf “continues in political life,” he will “put aside the uniform”.

Meanwhile, infrastructure is being made air vacuum proof:

Quote:

Newly laid railway track at risk from sewage water JAMSHORO: The sewage water of different residential areas of Kotri may damage a four-kilometre railway track recently laid at the cost of Rs 100 million. The Kotri Junction Railways has also sent a letter to the Ministry of Railways, expressing concern over the deteriorating condition of the track ....

What's a little sewage water between friends?

Infrastructure improvement galore




RAHIM YAR KHAN, June 10: Sunday’s train accident here
is yet another evidence of railways’ projects to overhaul its signalling and communication system.





Unfortunate incidents of infighting (between brothers) occur

Quote:

KARACHI, June 10: The Liaquatabad Town administration has launched a campaign against stray dogs in its jurisdiction and killed 167 dogs.

Marriage counselling

Pakistan Sets Up Special Counseling Cells For Troubled Marriages- According to the PEE PEE CEE

Quote:

Pakistanis shaidized for adultery A woman and three men were shot dead in a public execution in a Pakistani village after tribal elders found them guilty of adultery, officials said. The death sentences were ordered by a jirga (council) of elders in the Khyber agency area on the Afghan border. Sex outside marriage is a crime in Pakistan and tribal village councils often punish those involved with death. Last year, Pakistan's parliament approved a new bill amending Islamic laws on rape and adultery. The new law dropped the death penalty for people having sex outside marriage. 'Confessed' "We found a man and a woman in a compromising position along with another man who was drunk and had already committed adultery, and the owner of the house," Haji Jan Gul, a village resident, told the news agency Reuters. "All four confessed to adultery. We punished them according to our customs and traditions," he said. Reports said the executions were watched by some 600 people. Lacks citation, apologies.

A day of commemorating the obvious by repeating it endlessly. Today, we start with the dear departing soul in Londonistan. Who says:

Quote:

Taliban infiltrate from Pak: UK LONDON - British Prime Minister Tony Blair has said that many of Taliban fighters are infiltrating Afghanistan from the bases in Pakistan.

Eh, what? You must be mistaken, my dear sir. Don't you know, what?

Took him long enough, no? And so what is so great if its true? If they took proper care of them while they are across, they wouldn't be crossing the border again to begin with. And what about those root causes? 90,000, anyone? Porous, mountainous something, I recall too.

Quote:

Alleged rapists of Japanese girls getting easy way out LAHORE - The police prefers to dump a case or brush the matter under the carpet through divergent dubious means when the influential families put pressure on the ‘efficient’ law and order force.

Making a molehill out of an ant farm, to say the least. Did the women have a chaperon? Are they of the faith? Are of four of the five people witnesses? How can the police do anything then? Why throw this scientific mumbo jumbo about evidence and what not? Did it curdle or go sour if it took a couple days more?

Quote:

Tourism project has expected returns ISLAMABAD: Federal Minister for Tourism Nilofar Bakhtiar is reportedly neglecting her office work despite the prime minister’s rejection of her resignation. This is putting into jeopardy activities related to the “Visit Pakistan Year” project.

Now we all like Nilo-far didi. She did a far out thing by hugging a bald old person. Very kind and considerate people. Must we blame eveything on her?

The wonders of djinn science

Mullah Nayakuddin has already posted the track improvement. But since the president has promised full scale infrastructure improvement, obviously bridges also have to be improved. So,

Quote:

New Railway bridges near Quetta QUETTA, May 31: Train service between Quetta and other parts of the country had to be suspended for about nine hours on Thursday while a railway bridge was replaced near Spezand, about 20km from here. According to a senior railway official, an explosive device placed under the small railway bridge on the main tack was exploded in the early hours on Thursday. The track, however, remained intact. This was the third replacement of its kind in four days.

And unexpected business is causing further improvement in the stock of the 72 of the phairest, Inc as:

Quote:

Political agent’s household starts journey to jannat TANK, May 31: Suspected militants attacked the house of a senior government official in the Jatai Qala area of the troubled Tank district after midnight on Wednesday and shot dead 13 people, two of them women. Two children were injured, police said. The head of the Gomal police station, Sanaullah Marwat, said the militants, who had come in three or four vehicles, attacked the house of Amiruddin Khan, Khyber tribal region’s political agent, with rocket-propelled grenades, hand grenades and assault rifles.

and since the imaam-e-kaaba says:

Quote:

Imam-i-Kaaba says no room for terrorism in Islam ISLAMABAD, May 31: Imam of Kaaba Sheikh Abdul Rahman Al Sudais said on Thursday that Islam did not allow acts of terrorism, and stressed the need for Muslims to resolve their differences through mutual understanding and in fraternal spirit.

this fraternal spirit is expressed as:

Quote:

Clerics condemn Kashmir mosques repair by army NEW DELHI, May 31: Jammu and Kashmir's leading Muslim clerics met in Srinagar on Thursday to condemn the Indian army's ongoing campaign for repairing damaged mosques and shrines in the disputed state. An emergency meeting of the Muttahida Majlis-i-Ulema was chaired by Hurriyat leader Mirwaiz Umar Farooq, who appealed to President A.P.J. Abdul Kalam, as the commander in chief of the Indian armed forces, and Prime Minister Manmohan Singh to stop the army's Operation Sadbhav (Goodwill) immediately.

Meanwhile, the Raj-Shehzina case took a turn for the better with the perpetrators being booked:

Quote:

Doctors booked in same-sex marriage case FAISALABAD, May 31: Jhang Bazaar police on Wednesday night registered a case against doctors without naming anyone who had operated upon Shumail Raj in same-sex marriage episode. Police sources said Jhang Bazaar SHO Mian Khalid registered the case on the orders of the Lahore High Court, but he did not mention the name of any doctor as a result DIG (operations) Mohammad Aslam Tareen had suspended him from service.

Women's rights are as always respected as a time honored tradition:

Quote:

Pak woman forced into marriage twice – with two brothers LONDON: A Pakistani woman was forced into marriage twice to two brothers in Pakistan. Esha Ali (not her real name) was tricked into travelling to Pakistan twice and each time faced family pressure and intimidation to marry one brother and then another. She is now in hiding in Manchester, desperate to avoid setting up home with the second brother, who is due to travel to the UK

Londonistan is of course playing the major role expected of the great country.

And for all of you not believing in djinn powers, note the following:

Quote:

Family overjoyed as girl changes into boy DASKA - A retired army man’s young daughter became a boy at a private hospital in Uggoki town near here Wednesday night. Reportedly, retired army man Haji Muhammad Aslam’s young daughter Tabbasum Tahira (17) felt continuous pains in her abdomen.

All it takes, is a little bit of prayer, and a good djinn expert.

Mullah Nayakuddin finds gems

Pakistani Engineers Marvellous Architecture triumpth

Quote:

QUETTA: Unidentified people on Thursday blew up an electric tower in Kohlu, causing suspension of electricity to nearby areas. Several kilograms of explosive material was used to blow up the tower in Maywand, Kohlu.

Pakistani Train Tracks restructered scientifically

Quote:

QUETTA: Terrorists damaged a railway line and a small bridge in Sariab area of the provincial metropolis on Thursday morning. Railway police sources said that unknown terrorists had planted an explosive device which damaged the railway line and a small bridge near Killi Zareen between Sariab and Spezand. About 2.5 feet long railway track was blown up. The Railway Control Room said due to damage to the track, the incoming and outgoing trains were detained for two to three hours. The track was repaired in the afternoon and normal traffic was restored, railway sources said.

Latesht neuj!!

1. As part of the president's insfrastructure improvement program in Baluchistan, new coaches have been ordered for the trains there.

Two bogies of Balochistan Express, coming from Quetta and bound for Karachi, caught fire and were burnt late Sunday near Sarhari station. No casualty however was reported, as the passengers saved their lives jumping out from the train. Most of the passengers’ belongings were reduced to ashes and the rest were looted allegedly by the local police.

Notice the help offered by the local law and order functionaries. Buried in the same link is also the export of railway infrastructure improvement program to India, and of course, helping out the US with the fuel transportation program to Afghanistan:

destroying seven fuel trucks at a key border crossing between Pakistan and Afghanistan at around 4 a.m. Monday, an official said. The attack took place about 500 meters inside northwestern Pakistan at the Torkham border crossing, said local official Hamid Khan.

If I were you allie, and an all-weather, best of best allies, I tell you, I would burn a few of your trucks, any day too.

2. Religious festivities are in full swing at the Lal Masjid complex. People from all over the country are expected to participate. Later similar festivals will be held in other cities too.

SLAMABAD, May 20: Tension mounted in the capital over the Lal Masjid issue on Sunday when police took 36 students of Jamia Fareedia in pre-emptive detention, and the madressah militants taking to streets and blocking traffic

3. Minorities are being protected better than ever:

Herbert Fernandes, President of the Catholic Association has appealed to the United Nations to intervene as a May 17 'deadline' set by militants had expired. The miltants had threatened Christians of a town to convert to Islam and close their churches or face bomb attacks. According to a press release, the spokesperson stated that 500 Christians in Charsadda, NWFP, were living in constant fear following threatening letters

Now is there anything these people wont do? Running after canadian visas, complaining to the UN !!

And the routine canadian visa applications, and the struggle to achieve your own personal 72 of the phairest happens. We might as well leave that out for the day. Its been a busy one.

Brand new wheels and brakes for all planes

To improve the customers' landing and take-off experience the leading airline in the subcontinent is now importing brand new wheels and brakes for all of its two planes on a priority basis. An official noted that customer loyalty has been directly linked to functioning brakes on the airplanes.

The aircraft systems have also been improved to allow for overnight stay by the passangers in the even of being turned away by MQM in Karachi or the Lal Masjid in Islamabad. Its very hard to find good accomodation with halal food in foreign countries, said the airline official

Of Planes, Trains, and Kekra...

Today, readers, we talk of planes , trains , and kekra ( a crab to you foreigners ) . We talk of the loss of strategic depth , and the hot summer .

Honourable mention today goes to HandD

Quote:

MULTAN: Five armed men chopped off a leg, the nose and an ear of Allah Yar Mehr following elopement by his son, Muhammad Saleem, with Kausar on March 16 from Luddan (Vehari) and their marriage the next day. Reports said Abbas, Allah Ditta, Ghulam Fareed, Javed and Hakim chopped off a leg, the nose and an ear of Allah Yar and broke his second leg with batons.

Women's rights are always on our mind.

Quote:

JAMSHORO: Two girls were kidnapped from the Kotri Hari Camp on Thursday. Reports said seven armed men dashed into the Hari Camp and kidnapped Meeran, 15, and Malookan, 12.

and the demand for 72 never ceases or ebbs .

Quote:

RIYADH (AFP) - Saudi Arabia beheaded by the sword on Thursday two Pakistanis convicted of drug smuggling, keeping up a pace of executions that has already doubled last year’s toll, the interior ministry announced.

Housing receives our attention

Quote:

10 model prisons to be constructed in Punjab OUR STAFF REPORTER LAHORE - Punjab Chief Minister, Ch. Pervaiz Elahi has said that 10 model prisons are being constructed in the province where facilities of international standard will be provided to the prisoners.

and moderate enlightenment via air vacuum blasts finds some space in the last column.

Quote:

Reports from some areas said that people there had bought CDs from shops and then set them on fire. Thousands of pornographic cassettes and CDs were destroyed in Tandkohi, Murghuz, Kernel Sher Killi, Tehsil Chota Lahor and Doabian areas.

March of Brogress

March of Progress, proceeds unstinted, as it seems:

Progressive culture spreading north (and soon south) of Pindi. PEMRA now wants Pakistan to jump a technology generation (CD/DVD) and straight into the HD-DVD/Blue-Ray world.

Women are now demanding equality with men . And no one has the right to poke their nose in (this particular) woman's matters.


Quote:

However, the affair came into the knowledge of Mehboob's father Noor Hussain, who admonished his son and asked him to end relations with the girl. Mehboob gave in to family pressure and betrayed the girl.


How dare he spoil the good name of the lady!!

To this last attack on their superiority, the men reply with routine ho-hum events:

Telephone Linemen to persevere for customer satisfaction , and also the usual

Foreigners flocking to Pakistan for visa opportunities : Many are not eligible.

and then there is something in the way of excellent cultural expression, tradition, and law that I have not been able to comprehend completely

Infrastruction and transbortation neuj

New ATR aircraft joins national heap

The scale of improvement in music publishing has reached a new height with an entire market (two dozen shopkeepers) making it music catalogs islamic - overnight

Moderate enlightenment is progressing fast, aided by sporadic air vacuum formations. Now if the government will keep the mullahs from issuing fatwas outlawing moderate enlightenment just a tad longer, I am sure Pakistan will convert into a progressive member of the comity of nations in very short order.

PIA PILOT MISTAKES PLANE FOR PET GOAT

---

PIA PILOT MISTAKES PLANE FOR PET GOAT

Quote:

ISLAMABAD, April 14: Two Boeing 777 aircraft of the PIA were damaged in the early hours of Saturday after a wing of one of them clipped the other’s tail before its departure for Islamabad from Karachi airport. The incident, which is being probed by the Safety Investigation Board, led to an exchange of allegations between the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) and Pakistan International Airlines (PIA), with each trying to hold the other responsible. The two aircraft were among the few PIA aircraft allowed to fly to European Union destinations. ... They also disclosed that on Thursday night a major disaster was averted in similar circumstances when PK-370 was being pushed by a tug master. They say the aircraft could have collided with a foreign airliner had it not been pulled back by the tug master. Passengers were sitting in both the aircraft.

Terror in the Air
Banned on the ground
PIA flies thrice weekly to Guantanamo
And crashes weekly at Karachi

Music on trains

Train Entertained by Loud Rock Music

Quote:

QUETTA, March 27: Quetta’s rail link with the rest of the country was improved for several hours after a loud music celebration on the main track in Sariab area on Tuesday morning. Railways authorities said that an improving musical device placed under the track near Darkhashan area of Sariab went off at 6:40am. It was a locally made device which improved two feet of the track, said a senior railways official. He said that all trains were suspended. The Chiltan Express that was about to leave for Lahore was stopped and trains coming from Karachi and Rawalpindi were halted at different stations for people to celebrate. Train service was restored later after people stopped celebrating.

Free meals and a plane ticket !!

All together now, no slacking in the back rows: Free flight and in-flight meals (liquor not permitted due to religious preferences) from the US

Pick up the pace folks, the positive news is positively bursting out (almost oozing, as it were, I would say, if I were to speculate, 400%), what to do with all the infrastructure improvements , revelry with Uzbekistan , and highest ever rankings in property protection and gender equality .

Come All-lie with (or for) the nation and project this positive energy outwards (before it lights a fuse or two and creates another vacuum burst).

The March of progress

CONGRATULATIONS! BAAKISTAN BACK TO NORMAL: NEED FOR NEW TRACKS CREATED.
http://www.dawn.com/2007/03/06/top16.htm

Mittal, the Yeeevil Yindoo, was far ahead of the curve. Anticipating Steel demand from the fastest growing economy this side of Pluto, he went ahead acquired all steel companies in this planet.

R. Krithivas

NSN Responds with late breaking report:Pakistanis dislike being captured

Pakistanis dislike being captured

Sulaiman bin Hidayath Al-Beshawari
Monday, 05 March 2007

Lahore (NSN): Pakistanis strongly disapprove of being captured. An overwhelming majority of 83 percent has opposed being arrested, captured, intercepted, incarcerated or otherwise rendered useless. The other seventeen percent were not available for this poll as they were in different stages of capture by legal authorities of Pakistan or more likely the world beyond.

Getting arrested or captured beats getting killed on the job by a wide margin of 47 percent. Pakistanis would much rather get killed than spend a night at the chowki with their own country man. This was surprising for a country of down hill skiers, and reflected on the state of the countries incarceration system. Sexual exploitation (and fear of impotency afterwards) were the leading reasons for the fear.

In particular, Pakistanis have expressed dislike for being arrested in Pakistan and United States (which had same score), followed closely by India, and surprisingly China. Chinese methods of interrogation seem to have ruffled the feathers of the traditional camaraderie that is claimed to be deeper than the sea.

Israel lead the favorable countries for capture, where capture under any circumstances is likely to make more money for the arrested back home than any possible trade or profession they might ever work in.

Deportation was also deplored. It seems Pakistanis least like to be deported from United States, followed by the UK, and the European Union. India captured the position for the most favorable country to be deported from, as the local intelligence agencies are not likely to torture you if you are deported from India. Those deported from United States usually get a debriefing session from the ISI followed by routine torture, or even in the most favorable case intelligence shadowing for at least a year. Chances of recapture are also the greatest if you are once deported from the States.

The author of the study, Professor Mushahid Hussain of Punjab University, Lahore, also noted that states were ranked in the order of least pleasant places to live in Pakistan and did not produce a statistically significant different score. Given the large sample size of the study, the professor recommended leaving Pakistan as the best option for whoever can still get out. In particular, the north, west and eastern parts of the country were considered bad. Capture by the Indian Coast guard brought down the scores for the south.

Pakistanis have created history recently by being arrested on terrorism charges in all UN member nations.

--------------------------
This (will be, as soon as I hear back on my application pindi - for which I have a patent pindi) NSN

Beware of imitators (like pNN) - they are likely to be captured anytime now
Read only genuine hammer brand golden wrapper NSN.
Published from laHore, Krachi, and of course Pindi (Press located next to the lamp post, we will have breaking news as soon as IT happens)

Fauji Lamp Posts, Underwriters and Undertakers.