PESHEWAR, Bakistan (NSN) Taliban mujaheeds on Mondin raat peutyfied Shna Warai Fort, a local base of the Frontier Constabulary (FC) in the Hangu district of North West Frontier Province of Pakistan, affassars and locals told NSN.
Official sources konfirmed that on Mondin evening more than 36 Taliban mujaheeds peautified the Shna Warai Fort, a istrategikally-important FC base
(IRONY ALERT)
When the fort was attacked 12 paramilitary Fauji were there, but no one was injured. The paramilitary forces received safe passage after they surrendered their weapons to the Taliban fighters.
A local bolis wala said that Taliban occupied and blew up the fort after describing their intentions to the elders of local tribes.
Two jigas consisting of elders from the Hangu and Orakzai Pashtun tribes are mediating between the local administration and Taliban to ease tensions in the region. Up until now, little progress has been made.
(IRONY ALERT)
Fifty thousand Pakistani security Faujis have been deployed in the area to halt Taliban insurgency. and are now targeting Taliban hideouts in the Doaba and Zirgiri areas, however there are no reports of casualties.
NSN (TNT TGN)
Showing posts with label NSN. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NSN. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Bositevely Patakha Neuj
A series of vacum burst wounded at least 25 people yesterday in the southern Bakistani city of Karachi, rattling the country a day after a isneak IED Mubarak attack in the capital dispatching at least 18 people, bolis said. The six blasts came within about an hour of each other, making residential and commercial sites in the port city to go without bijlee, There was no immediate claim of responsibility. Babar Khattak, Sindh province Caliph -e- bolis, said the areas struck had large Pashtun populations. The explosions may have been aimed at creating ethnic biraderely love yand understanding, he said.
NSN in Karachi
NSN in Karachi
Thursday, June 21, 2007
And for good measure
air vac·u·um (âr văk'yū-əm, -yūm, -yəm)
n., pl. -u·ums or -u·a (-yū-ə).
n., pl. -u·ums or -u·a (-yū-ə).
- Absence of matter caused by a bomb explosion.
- "not true".
- If your room is virtually airtight, and one electricity bulb bursts, it produces a big sound.
- Bang created in buildings that are under high pressure.
- A state of being sealed off from external or environmental influences; isolation.
Quote:
A hotel employee, Khurram Ahmed, told AFP: "It seems to be a bomb explosion. The bomb was apparently hidden in one of the flower pots near the entrance of the hotel. The blast was huge. It shook everyone in the hotel."
Information Minister Sheikh Rashid Ahmed said reports of a bomb were "not true".
"It was just an accident caused by short-circuiting and nothing else," he said.
Brigadier Javed Cheema of the interior ministry's national crisis management unit told AFP: "We haven't found any evidence that would suggest that it was an act of sabotage.
"The evidence indicates the blast was caused by short-circuiting. At the moment we rule out the possibility of any act of terrorism."
Brigadier Cheema said there could have been an air vacuum in the hotel.
"If your room is virtually airtight, even if one electricity bulb bursts, it produces a big sound," he said.
"These buildings are under high pressure so hence the bang was created."
Thursday, May 17, 2007
NSN insbires brint and elektronik media
On the heels of getting PPC to konsider our style and language suberior, we now have other outlets thinking the same. Here A Guide for service industry (automotive) for visit bakistan year 2007 has been buplished.
Quote
See, we ARE leading a small revolution in jourlaijm.
Quote
Gora Sahib: Then what’s the problem with my passage to the hotel?
The guide: The main arterial thoroughfare linking the airport with the city centre has Suddenly been blocked just before the midnight.
Gora Sahib: Why was it blocked?
The guide: I don’t know.
Gora Sahib: Who blocked it?
The guide: I don’t know that, either.
Gora Sahib: Should we ask someone, some authority, or policeman?
The guide: They don’t know it either.
Gora Sahib: When will the main road be reopened?
The guide: I don’t know.
See, we ARE leading a small revolution in jourlaijm.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
PNN responds with gusto
Mouth-breaking response to insulting cartoon, honor restored
Lahore, March 7 (PNN): In response to an insulting cartoon published by NSN, there were widespread demonstrations all over Pakistan today. The cartoon portrayed Pakistan as a dog with America as its master. In retaliation to this gross violation of sovereign dignity, a “Pakistan Bandh” was called by the MMA. Angry demonstrators marched on streets and raised slogans of “NSN murdabad”, “peace process zindabad” and “long live PNN”.
KFC burned, buses torched
Demonstrators in Karachi showed their displeasure by stoning and burning KFC, an American franchise. Rioters in Lahore looted homes, torched shops and buses and closed down hospitals and schools. “Overall, the response to our call has been fantastic”, said Mr. Abdul Rehman, the MMA spokesman.
There have been reports of several deaths and injuries from various provinces. “This clearly shows that Pakistanis will not accept any insult lying down”, said Mr. Rehman. "We have taught a lesson to the world to show us more respect."
Bhatti Gul
Anticipating a backlash from American bombers stationed in Afghanistan, the qazi of Quetta General (retd.) Bhatti Gul announced a blackout in the city. Our PNN correspondent spent one night with the general hiding in a bunker. However the Americans were clearly unnerved by street demonstrations because they did not carry out any bombing raids. “It’s a great victory for us”, said General Bhatti Gul. “Our honour has been restored.”
This is PNN.
PNN
Ijtihad for all, Jehad on NSN
Lahore, March 7 (PNN): In response to an insulting cartoon published by NSN, there were widespread demonstrations all over Pakistan today. The cartoon portrayed Pakistan as a dog with America as its master. In retaliation to this gross violation of sovereign dignity, a “Pakistan Bandh” was called by the MMA. Angry demonstrators marched on streets and raised slogans of “NSN murdabad”, “peace process zindabad” and “long live PNN”.
KFC burned, buses torched
Demonstrators in Karachi showed their displeasure by stoning and burning KFC, an American franchise. Rioters in Lahore looted homes, torched shops and buses and closed down hospitals and schools. “Overall, the response to our call has been fantastic”, said Mr. Abdul Rehman, the MMA spokesman.
There have been reports of several deaths and injuries from various provinces. “This clearly shows that Pakistanis will not accept any insult lying down”, said Mr. Rehman. "We have taught a lesson to the world to show us more respect."
Bhatti Gul
Anticipating a backlash from American bombers stationed in Afghanistan, the qazi of Quetta General (retd.) Bhatti Gul announced a blackout in the city. Our PNN correspondent spent one night with the general hiding in a bunker. However the Americans were clearly unnerved by street demonstrations because they did not carry out any bombing raids. “It’s a great victory for us”, said General Bhatti Gul. “Our honour has been restored.”
This is PNN.
PNN
Ijtihad for all, Jehad on NSN
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
NSN Responds with late breaking report:Pakistanis dislike being captured
Pakistanis dislike being captured
Sulaiman bin Hidayath Al-Beshawari
Monday, 05 March 2007
Lahore (NSN): Pakistanis strongly disapprove of being captured. An overwhelming majority of 83 percent has opposed being arrested, captured, intercepted, incarcerated or otherwise rendered useless. The other seventeen percent were not available for this poll as they were in different stages of capture by legal authorities of Pakistan or more likely the world beyond.
Getting arrested or captured beats getting killed on the job by a wide margin of 47 percent. Pakistanis would much rather get killed than spend a night at the chowki with their own country man. This was surprising for a country of down hill skiers, and reflected on the state of the countries incarceration system. Sexual exploitation (and fear of impotency afterwards) were the leading reasons for the fear.
In particular, Pakistanis have expressed dislike for being arrested in Pakistan and United States (which had same score), followed closely by India, and surprisingly China. Chinese methods of interrogation seem to have ruffled the feathers of the traditional camaraderie that is claimed to be deeper than the sea.
Israel lead the favorable countries for capture, where capture under any circumstances is likely to make more money for the arrested back home than any possible trade or profession they might ever work in.
Deportation was also deplored. It seems Pakistanis least like to be deported from United States, followed by the UK, and the European Union. India captured the position for the most favorable country to be deported from, as the local intelligence agencies are not likely to torture you if you are deported from India. Those deported from United States usually get a debriefing session from the ISI followed by routine torture, or even in the most favorable case intelligence shadowing for at least a year. Chances of recapture are also the greatest if you are once deported from the States.
The author of the study, Professor Mushahid Hussain of Punjab University, Lahore, also noted that states were ranked in the order of least pleasant places to live in Pakistan and did not produce a statistically significant different score. Given the large sample size of the study, the professor recommended leaving Pakistan as the best option for whoever can still get out. In particular, the north, west and eastern parts of the country were considered bad. Capture by the Indian Coast guard brought down the scores for the south.
Pakistanis have created history recently by being arrested on terrorism charges in all UN member nations.
--------------------------
This (will be, as soon as I hear back on my application pindi - for which I have a patent pindi) NSN
Beware of imitators (like pNN) - they are likely to be captured anytime now
Read only genuine hammer brand golden wrapper NSN.
Published from laHore, Krachi, and of course Pindi (Press located next to the lamp post, we will have breaking news as soon as IT happens)
Fauji Lamp Posts, Underwriters and Undertakers.
Sulaiman bin Hidayath Al-Beshawari
Monday, 05 March 2007
Lahore (NSN): Pakistanis strongly disapprove of being captured. An overwhelming majority of 83 percent has opposed being arrested, captured, intercepted, incarcerated or otherwise rendered useless. The other seventeen percent were not available for this poll as they were in different stages of capture by legal authorities of Pakistan or more likely the world beyond.
Getting arrested or captured beats getting killed on the job by a wide margin of 47 percent. Pakistanis would much rather get killed than spend a night at the chowki with their own country man. This was surprising for a country of down hill skiers, and reflected on the state of the countries incarceration system. Sexual exploitation (and fear of impotency afterwards) were the leading reasons for the fear.
In particular, Pakistanis have expressed dislike for being arrested in Pakistan and United States (which had same score), followed closely by India, and surprisingly China. Chinese methods of interrogation seem to have ruffled the feathers of the traditional camaraderie that is claimed to be deeper than the sea.
Israel lead the favorable countries for capture, where capture under any circumstances is likely to make more money for the arrested back home than any possible trade or profession they might ever work in.
Deportation was also deplored. It seems Pakistanis least like to be deported from United States, followed by the UK, and the European Union. India captured the position for the most favorable country to be deported from, as the local intelligence agencies are not likely to torture you if you are deported from India. Those deported from United States usually get a debriefing session from the ISI followed by routine torture, or even in the most favorable case intelligence shadowing for at least a year. Chances of recapture are also the greatest if you are once deported from the States.
The author of the study, Professor Mushahid Hussain of Punjab University, Lahore, also noted that states were ranked in the order of least pleasant places to live in Pakistan and did not produce a statistically significant different score. Given the large sample size of the study, the professor recommended leaving Pakistan as the best option for whoever can still get out. In particular, the north, west and eastern parts of the country were considered bad. Capture by the Indian Coast guard brought down the scores for the south.
Pakistanis have created history recently by being arrested on terrorism charges in all UN member nations.
--------------------------
This (will be, as soon as I hear back on my application pindi - for which I have a patent pindi) NSN
Beware of imitators (like pNN) - they are likely to be captured anytime now
Read only genuine hammer brand golden wrapper NSN.
Published from laHore, Krachi, and of course Pindi (Press located next to the lamp post, we will have breaking news as soon as IT happens)
Fauji Lamp Posts, Underwriters and Undertakers.
PNN Fires a Salvo
PNN Breaking News
Washington, 6 March (PNN). Stung by the latest defeat at the hands of Taliban, Dick Cheney called President Musharraf and asked him to “Do more”. However the phone connection was not working well. All Dick could hear was an echo that said “more Duh”.
This is PNN.
PNN
Ijtihad for all, Jehad on NSN
Washington, 6 March (PNN). Stung by the latest defeat at the hands of Taliban, Dick Cheney called President Musharraf and asked him to “Do more”. However the phone connection was not working well. All Dick could hear was an echo that said “more Duh”.
This is PNN.
PNN
Ijtihad for all, Jehad on NSN
Competition from PNN Arrives
Hello all.
For the past few years I have been watching this forum, and the relentless propaganda it spouts against Pakistan. In particular, the self-proclaimed news channel “NSN” has been denigrating hon. President Pervez Musharraf. NSN has linked him to Yankees, terrorists, movie stars, drug addicts and even goats. I watched with concern as some of the most virulent posters on this forum, along with their ringleaders enqyoob and mahendra, gathered in the Youm thread - with all their hate and offensive “bleez look at me, am I not so phunny?” language. At last, I am glad that the peace process between Pakistan and India has prevailed (yes Sir, I am well aware of who is pulling the strings behind anti-Pakistan websites such as this one) and forced the admins to delete those threads, to be finally replaced with a “positive news about Pakistan” thread.
However, I cannot help but notice the great parallels between the Taliban and the hate-filled people on these threads. When the Youm thread was deleted, all these people flocked to the Rehnuma thread – just like Taliban retreating from Kandhar to Tora Bora. Then when even Rehnuma was daisy-cuttered, they have come to this thread – the final “Quetta” of these posters. From here they want to regroup and in time, perhaps start a new thread just like “old times”. I also have no doubt that admin Shiv is playing a double game. He has been forced to kill the two offending threads, but is actively encouraging these people to stay motivated, refresh and then launch a new thread when the time is right – just like Americans accuse President Musharraf of doing with the Taliban. All this when apparently the purpose of this thread is to collect positive news about Pakistan!
I have also noticed that NSN has survived admin purges, and is still active on this thread. They have even recruited new members like Shreeman, who think they are too clever. But I will not let NSN re-emerge. I am now launching “Peevaman News Network (PNN)” on this thread. The sole purpose of this “network” is to counter the constant propaganda by NSN. I and my friends will post great things about our country, in a way that is attractive to visitors of this forum, Inshallah.
Peevaman
PNN
Ijtihad for all, Jehad on NSN
For the past few years I have been watching this forum, and the relentless propaganda it spouts against Pakistan. In particular, the self-proclaimed news channel “NSN” has been denigrating hon. President Pervez Musharraf. NSN has linked him to Yankees, terrorists, movie stars, drug addicts and even goats. I watched with concern as some of the most virulent posters on this forum, along with their ringleaders enqyoob and mahendra, gathered in the Youm thread - with all their hate and offensive “bleez look at me, am I not so phunny?” language. At last, I am glad that the peace process between Pakistan and India has prevailed (yes Sir, I am well aware of who is pulling the strings behind anti-Pakistan websites such as this one) and forced the admins to delete those threads, to be finally replaced with a “positive news about Pakistan” thread.
However, I cannot help but notice the great parallels between the Taliban and the hate-filled people on these threads. When the Youm thread was deleted, all these people flocked to the Rehnuma thread – just like Taliban retreating from Kandhar to Tora Bora. Then when even Rehnuma was daisy-cuttered, they have come to this thread – the final “Quetta” of these posters. From here they want to regroup and in time, perhaps start a new thread just like “old times”. I also have no doubt that admin Shiv is playing a double game. He has been forced to kill the two offending threads, but is actively encouraging these people to stay motivated, refresh and then launch a new thread when the time is right – just like Americans accuse President Musharraf of doing with the Taliban. All this when apparently the purpose of this thread is to collect positive news about Pakistan!
I have also noticed that NSN has survived admin purges, and is still active on this thread. They have even recruited new members like Shreeman, who think they are too clever. But I will not let NSN re-emerge. I am now launching “Peevaman News Network (PNN)” on this thread. The sole purpose of this “network” is to counter the constant propaganda by NSN. I and my friends will post great things about our country, in a way that is attractive to visitors of this forum, Inshallah.
Peevaman
PNN
Ijtihad for all, Jehad on NSN
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Authoritative romours on demise of R-o-R
Misphortunately, we are told by CEO-Prejidant phor-life-until-lampost that nothing can pee done. Thij ij all rejult oph D1ck Cheney vijit to 'Pindi and demands.
Misinphormed newj media reborted that Cheney vijit was apout Talipan in Aphghan-e-stan. Thij ij hillaryaj. Talipan is main reajan that D1ck Cheney's corborate stock holdings are rijing while everypody elje's eej tanking. More and more orders coming in to D1ck's Bolished Mijjiles Inc (DBMI) phor 150mm Mark 30 MudHut Plaster Mijjiles at cheap $1.2M each, D1ck's Auto and Humvee Rebairs, D1ck's Recruiting Bosters Inc., etc. etc.
REAL reajon phor D1ck's arrival in 'Pindi was that CEO Gola summoned him. To demand closure/renaming oph R-o-R and Y-e-M. It had become known that brayers and AK-47 training was going down in Binori Madarssa because little Talipans were all logging on to internet and browjing some kufr phorum called PeeAref, and reading theej threadj phor the REAL culcharel nawlidj. ONLY source phor accurate (Bakistani) interbretashun oph real Bakistani Enlightened Nuclear Ijlam.
Maulavis comblaining. No one sleebing any more in long sermons apout "Death to Great Satan" - in fact no one prejent at all. No one going around looking angry at Great Satan or SDRE yindoos. Instead, all HABBY apout great advanjment oph SuberBower Bakistan. Bity phor declining Not-So-Great Satan and even love phor Yindoostan, at least phor Begum Mandy-e-Ra Pedi and Begum Sonee-al Gandy. Demand phor tickets on "Sam-Jhoota Exprej" very big, so very diphikult phor ISI Agent to get sleebar accomodashun, even with only one light, sloshing suitcase each.
Eeph this keebs ub, brosbekt phor D1ck-Musharraf Al-Lianj very dim. Taliban may simbly stay in Multan and browse the 'web. Esbeshally aphter rumor running rambant that bikchars of not-so-houris are availabal on internet phor phree. With faces UNCOVERED!!!
Brejident Gola rejeeved many pleats oph comblaint phrom Neglected Bakr-e-Pakistan who are threatening to phorm new bolitical barty. Very phrightening. NBePP can eejily win elecshuns, because M-e-M, MQM, PeePeePee, J-e-M, H-U-M, PML, and all other barties will vote phor candidates like
Brincejj Ayesha Sultana e- Multani
Begum Fowzul Hidaya e Peshawari, shown with face demurely covered ber brober custom
and Empress Meherunneesa Begum e Khyber
aljo bojing brobarly with face and other critical parts oph anatomy demurely covered.
NNN Investigative Rebort, philed Faisalabad Sundin, Safar 4, 1428.
Misinphormed newj media reborted that Cheney vijit was apout Talipan in Aphghan-e-stan. Thij ij hillaryaj. Talipan is main reajan that D1ck Cheney's corborate stock holdings are rijing while everypody elje's eej tanking. More and more orders coming in to D1ck's Bolished Mijjiles Inc (DBMI) phor 150mm Mark 30 MudHut Plaster Mijjiles at cheap $1.2M each, D1ck's Auto and Humvee Rebairs, D1ck's Recruiting Bosters Inc., etc. etc.
REAL reajon phor D1ck's arrival in 'Pindi was that CEO Gola summoned him. To demand closure/renaming oph R-o-R and Y-e-M. It had become known that brayers and AK-47 training was going down in Binori Madarssa because little Talipans were all logging on to internet and browjing some kufr phorum called PeeAref, and reading theej threadj phor the REAL culcharel nawlidj. ONLY source phor accurate (Bakistani) interbretashun oph real Bakistani Enlightened Nuclear Ijlam.
Maulavis comblaining. No one sleebing any more in long sermons apout "Death to Great Satan" - in fact no one prejent at all. No one going around looking angry at Great Satan or SDRE yindoos. Instead, all HABBY apout great advanjment oph SuberBower Bakistan. Bity phor declining Not-So-Great Satan and even love phor Yindoostan, at least phor Begum Mandy-e-Ra Pedi and Begum Sonee-al Gandy. Demand phor tickets on "Sam-Jhoota Exprej" very big, so very diphikult phor ISI Agent to get sleebar accomodashun, even with only one light, sloshing suitcase each.
Eeph this keebs ub, brosbekt phor D1ck-Musharraf Al-Lianj very dim. Taliban may simbly stay in Multan and browse the 'web. Esbeshally aphter rumor running rambant that bikchars of not-so-houris are availabal on internet phor phree. With faces UNCOVERED!!!
Brejident Gola rejeeved many pleats oph comblaint phrom Neglected Bakr-e-Pakistan who are threatening to phorm new bolitical barty. Very phrightening. NBePP can eejily win elecshuns, because M-e-M, MQM, PeePeePee, J-e-M, H-U-M, PML, and all other barties will vote phor candidates like
Brincejj Ayesha Sultana e- Multani
Begum Fowzul Hidaya e Peshawari, shown with face demurely covered ber brober custom
and Empress Meherunneesa Begum e Khyber
aljo bojing brobarly with face and other critical parts oph anatomy demurely covered.
NNN Investigative Rebort, philed Faisalabad Sundin, Safar 4, 1428.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
A small rekvest
Diyar Hadithars, Maulvi Mahdi, most resbekted Maulana Enq'ubuddin, Al Hahvahd, Al Bawshtun, Well Ejjikated, esq, resbekted founder shriva-e-man:
It gives my hart much delight to see tu of my phavorite thrads find life, honor and dignity again, even in the eyes of the much pheared jurnails of Pee-Are-Ef. Thank you for reskuing the Y-e-M thrad phrom the kontainers.
yours in jop-abblikation-waiting-batent-bindi
Shrif-e-adam ur Sulaiman bin Hidayath Al-Beshwari
BS: I am moving phrom Beshawar to Quetta. Unphortunately, thare are no dancing girls in Quetta, i many miss them.
BS2: Malvi Mahdi, sounds of susaide pom plast are sacred and it is not allowed in islaam to rekord them. blease pear with dil dil bakistan onlee
It gives my hart much delight to see tu of my phavorite thrads find life, honor and dignity again, even in the eyes of the much pheared jurnails of Pee-Are-Ef. Thank you for reskuing the Y-e-M thrad phrom the kontainers.
yours in jop-abblikation-waiting-batent-bindi
Shrif-e-adam ur Sulaiman bin Hidayath Al-Beshwari
BS: I am moving phrom Beshawar to Quetta. Unphortunately, thare are no dancing girls in Quetta, i many miss them.
BS2: Malvi Mahdi, sounds of susaide pom plast are sacred and it is not allowed in islaam to rekord them. blease pear with dil dil bakistan onlee
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Bakistan to overtake India in the field of movie entertainment
Pakistan to overtake India in the field of movie entertainment
Islamabad, 01 March (NSN): In a grand ceremony today, Pakistan’s President and entertainment minister Mr. Pervez Musharraf disclosed that the country will soon overtake India in the field of movies and cinema entertainment.
“Bollywood is producing either romantic movies, comedies or horror movies, but nothing in between. There is definitely a niche for us there. Our stars are well positioned to address that in-between market”, the president said. Nobody who has ever had an encounter with the dancing dolls of Peshawar would dare disagree.
The grand ceremony was organized to celebrate the launch of Pakistan’s latest movie “Jinn Ooh, Jinn Aah” – a bold attempt at combining the genres of horror, romance and biography. The President said that the last attempt to make a movie on Jinnah failed because it only combined biography and horror, and had no romance. “Also, the horror was about a Western Dracula, not an Islamic Jinn. I am glad the producers are not taking any chances this time.” Further, in a great show of the technological prowess of Pakistan’s movie industry, a teaser trailer was recently posted on the Internet.
“Our film industry is second to none”, said the President. “We can make indigenous movies. Allah be praised, we even have a Big Bee in Pakistan”.
The clerics have endorsed Musharraf’s ideas, provided Islamic requirements are met. “As per Sharia, we need to have at least three dances in each movie. Otherwise we believe that pictures are haraam”, said a popular one-eyed cleric in the latest video tape sent to our Quetta office. “May the irony be lost upon you, Inshallah”, he said with a wink that was a blink.
The cleric also decreed that appearances of Meera, who likes to flaunt her Hindu name, will not be allowed. Instead, only the original Peshawar atom bomb named Al-mirah will be allowed (NSN confirms that the name has no relation to her tonnage). Her thigh-clapping cousin Big-Bee is also welcome, provided she resolves the legal dispute over her name with the celebrated Madam of PISS fame.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Editor’s note: NSN requests its kamandu correspondents to please post a link to the “teaser trailer” featuring the dancing dolls of Peshawar, for the benefit of the ummah only.
Islamabad, 01 March (NSN): In a grand ceremony today, Pakistan’s President and entertainment minister Mr. Pervez Musharraf disclosed that the country will soon overtake India in the field of movies and cinema entertainment.
“Bollywood is producing either romantic movies, comedies or horror movies, but nothing in between. There is definitely a niche for us there. Our stars are well positioned to address that in-between market”, the president said. Nobody who has ever had an encounter with the dancing dolls of Peshawar would dare disagree.
The grand ceremony was organized to celebrate the launch of Pakistan’s latest movie “Jinn Ooh, Jinn Aah” – a bold attempt at combining the genres of horror, romance and biography. The President said that the last attempt to make a movie on Jinnah failed because it only combined biography and horror, and had no romance. “Also, the horror was about a Western Dracula, not an Islamic Jinn. I am glad the producers are not taking any chances this time.” Further, in a great show of the technological prowess of Pakistan’s movie industry, a teaser trailer was recently posted on the Internet.
“Our film industry is second to none”, said the President. “We can make indigenous movies. Allah be praised, we even have a Big Bee in Pakistan”.
The clerics have endorsed Musharraf’s ideas, provided Islamic requirements are met. “As per Sharia, we need to have at least three dances in each movie. Otherwise we believe that pictures are haraam”, said a popular one-eyed cleric in the latest video tape sent to our Quetta office. “May the irony be lost upon you, Inshallah”, he said with a wink that was a blink.
The cleric also decreed that appearances of Meera, who likes to flaunt her Hindu name, will not be allowed. Instead, only the original Peshawar atom bomb named Al-mirah will be allowed (NSN confirms that the name has no relation to her tonnage). Her thigh-clapping cousin Big-Bee is also welcome, provided she resolves the legal dispute over her name with the celebrated Madam of PISS fame.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Editor’s note: NSN requests its kamandu correspondents to please post a link to the “teaser trailer” featuring the dancing dolls of Peshawar, for the benefit of the ummah only.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
A jop abblikashun
| mahendra wrote: |
Also, I yam very imbressed by new but yet un-official reborter Sulaiman Al-jharkhandi, I think he should apply to the higher up and aboves at NSN Muridke Head office. |
To:
The Hadithars,
NSN News Agency
LaHore, Islamapad, and other major cities
Supject: Abblikashion for embloymant
Diyar Sirs:
Salaam. Bliss to konsider my abblikashion for bozishiun for the bost of rebortar, kultural. I bromise to wurk hardest to pring wurld wide attenshun to bakistani kulture of kite-flying, goat-rearing, visa abblikashuns, and mizzile bolishing if selected.
Bliss kunsider salary konsummate with exberiyance. A pio-data is included for your repherence.
AoA,
Hidhayath Al-Beshawari
Unyembloyed
aged
ex-reborter for severul nashunal dailies
Pio Data
======
Name: Hidayath Al-Beshawari
Age : Old
Sex : Not in some time
Qualifikashions:
Graduate in History, Beshawar
Diploma in Bakistani Languages, Binuri Madarsa
Exberience:
1. Reborter for nashionul daily until late night visit by masked men
2. Using burka to travel aphter that, avoiding all back-channels.
3. Ex-agent for sindikated kolumnists Iask Yamir and M. Shirleen Mazhaki
4. Signibhikant experiyance in kultural reborting inkluding bress awards for reborting kamel feshtival and goat rearing ceremony
Saturday, February 24, 2007
A curious lack of neuj
AoA, BuRR: Has NSN subbered a defection from staph or dispanded due to bressure from the jurnails? Not a single rebort on C130s, ampulances, or allejashions of imbrobrieti?
Not even a simble "Baakshishtan Finds India unhelbful in Inquiry, or Pack-channel barleys in trouple?"
Not even a simble "Baakshishtan Finds India unhelbful in Inquiry, or Pack-channel barleys in trouple?"
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Rest in pieces, Y-e-M
NSN (Pindi) - Our Pindi office was surrounded by angry crowd demanding immediate and unconditional bahali of "Youm-e-Mubarak - 2" thread. Special kommando dasta has secured the site and Bomb -delivery squad is waiting for orders
Gaffur Mian 6:55 PT
***************
Just added
NSN (Slam-bad)- Some unsatisfied and angry protestors took the matter in hand and went on to disturb the International flights.....one dead. First death for "Youm-e-Mubarak - 2" thread.
Ussuff Massih 6:59 PT
********************
Just added
NSN( Bhawalpur)- Local IT experts are refusing to back-office jobs......thus effecting and affecting Tokyo stock exchange......world is going to pay dearly for the follies of so-called administrators of BR.
Mohammad Hatmatyar 7:04 PT
***************************
NSN (La-Whore)- It is official. No more dealing in famous Diamond Market. Merchants and clients have only one demand.......bring back"Youm-e-Mubarak - 2".
Rahmanull khulam khulah 7:11 PT
**********************************
Just added
NSN(Karra-chi)- Major demonstration in Clifton area. It is very chaotic. A large crowd was spotted heading KFC outlet.
Mahmood "Bumbaiwalla" 7: 13 PT
********************************
NSN (Binori Town)- Large crowd of Koranic student marched through the streets protesting shutting down of "Youm-e-Mubarak - 2".
Mullah Mutheda "Adha" 7:17 PT
********************************************
NSN ( Slam-bad)- It has been just announced that Bakistani foreign ministry has called Bhartiya low commissioner to the high grounds of Ministry and was handed over strongly worded rebuttal and asked to take marching orders. The short ,dark and rice eating was heard murmuring something in some obscure South Bhartian language. It seems this incident has capability of damaging on-going re-aproachment going on from both countries.
Gaffur Mian 6:55 PT
***************
Just added
NSN (Slam-bad)- Some unsatisfied and angry protestors took the matter in hand and went on to disturb the International flights.....one dead. First death for "Youm-e-Mubarak - 2" thread.
Ussuff Massih 6:59 PT
********************
Just added
NSN( Bhawalpur)- Local IT experts are refusing to back-office jobs......thus effecting and affecting Tokyo stock exchange......world is going to pay dearly for the follies of so-called administrators of BR.
Mohammad Hatmatyar 7:04 PT
***************************
NSN (La-Whore)- It is official. No more dealing in famous Diamond Market. Merchants and clients have only one demand.......bring back"Youm-e-Mubarak - 2".
Rahmanull khulam khulah 7:11 PT
**********************************
Just added
NSN(Karra-chi)- Major demonstration in Clifton area. It is very chaotic. A large crowd was spotted heading KFC outlet.
Mahmood "Bumbaiwalla" 7: 13 PT
********************************
NSN (Binori Town)- Large crowd of Koranic student marched through the streets protesting shutting down of "Youm-e-Mubarak - 2".
Mullah Mutheda "Adha" 7:17 PT
********************************************
NSN ( Slam-bad)- It has been just announced that Bakistani foreign ministry has called Bhartiya low commissioner to the high grounds of Ministry and was handed over strongly worded rebuttal and asked to take marching orders. The short ,dark and rice eating was heard murmuring something in some obscure South Bhartian language. It seems this incident has capability of damaging on-going re-aproachment going on from both countries.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
World peace is possible only if Pakistan is understood and appreciated
World peace is possible only if Pakistan is understood and appreciated
NSN (Islamabad): The President General invited us to "encourage the diffission of information about Pakistan and counter the lies propulcated by the media". The recently fertilized lawns looked greener than we had ever seen them before.
NSN: Thank you once again for the opportunity, Sir..
HMEHPPGPM: Once again, the opportunity is all mine.
You know, India and the world would be better off if it had your attitude. No thirst for the truth in anyone nowadays, that is why they are worse on. I say, ask, and listen. I am always open to anyone who wants to probe deeper into the reality of Pakistan.
NSN: Sir, men like you are rare to find nowadays.
HMEHPPGPM: Do not be discouraged, keep searching, you should always have courage. Especially at your age.
As I was saying, Pakistan needs to be understood. That is the key world peace. And prosperity. We are a sovereign, honoured, dignified..
NSN: Sir, I still have that list..
HMEHPPGPM: Ah, good. Efficient, like a secretary.
So, to continue, we are a country with a wealth of talent, at the crucial crux point of history. A country that can make or break the world. Our potential is flaggerbasting, our work ethic third to none, our sense of pride brings tears to the eyes. Of joy, one would like to add. [HMEHPPGPM reached into his hip pocket and pulled out a small wad of tissue papers].
Greenex?
NSN: No thank you, Sir.
HMEHPPGPM: [Taking off his glasses, hooking them on one of his medals- we think it was the "Shehnaz-e-Pakistan"- and dabbing his eyes with the tissue paper] We have achieved our stature because we have a tolerant nature, and let me tell you, we have a bright future. [Breathing onto his lenses, polishing then, and then looking toward the Pakistani Flag fluttering at the entrance of the Presidential Full ("We do not believe in quarters")] Pakistan is the key to world destiny. [Yelling] Inzimam..why are they patrolling near my roses? I told you roses are sensitive to the smell of gunpowder.
Yes, one needs to see that Pakistan is a great country. I mean, long before we started the present War on Terror, even before we allied with the West to fight Communism, Pakistan was a staunch one. You know, friend of friends, enemy of enemies.
Now the world treats us like an ear bud. Use it, throw it away. Some little money gets thrown our way, as if to say, "Good doggie". Are we a dog? Do you think we are an ear bud? This country, which has sacrificed itself over and over for the good of the world, is treated like this. Is this not the world's attitude? Is this gratitude? I ask you.
This is what I want you to tell the world. You should say:
Cherish Pakistan. Without Pakistan, where will you be? Be thankful that Pakistan is on your side. Let me tell you, if the world makes an enemy out of Pakistan, there will be hell to pay, and we do not take credit either. Pay your respects to Pakistan. Make your payments on schedule. Money is the root of lots of things, and we needs to look at the root causes. It is the duty of the world to acknowlegde our creativity, to encourage our prosperity, and to help us maintain parity.
You got that?
NSN: All recorded, Sir.
HMEHPPGPM: Good. "I expect you to do your duty", as the Qaid said.
Pakistan Paindabad. Good bye.
NSN: Good bye, Sir!
This is NSN.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NSN paid advetisement
Laugh your behind off with Mansoor and Lucky's latest adventures.
Hours of fun with Aunty Shireen's Origami Books.
Challenge yourself with Mohammed Kartunwaala's Jig-see-saw puzzes.
Develop your IQ with Sultan K. C. Choudhry's Mind Benders.
Develop your body with Pakistan Army General Bending Exercises.
Fauji Firdaus Qazi Bookstores
Explore our shelves to discover yourselves (Patent Pindi).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NSN (Islamabad): The President General invited us to "encourage the diffission of information about Pakistan and counter the lies propulcated by the media". The recently fertilized lawns looked greener than we had ever seen them before.
NSN: Thank you once again for the opportunity, Sir..
HMEHPPGPM: Once again, the opportunity is all mine.
You know, India and the world would be better off if it had your attitude. No thirst for the truth in anyone nowadays, that is why they are worse on. I say, ask, and listen. I am always open to anyone who wants to probe deeper into the reality of Pakistan.
NSN: Sir, men like you are rare to find nowadays.
HMEHPPGPM: Do not be discouraged, keep searching, you should always have courage. Especially at your age.
As I was saying, Pakistan needs to be understood. That is the key world peace. And prosperity. We are a sovereign, honoured, dignified..
NSN: Sir, I still have that list..
HMEHPPGPM: Ah, good. Efficient, like a secretary.
So, to continue, we are a country with a wealth of talent, at the crucial crux point of history. A country that can make or break the world. Our potential is flaggerbasting, our work ethic third to none, our sense of pride brings tears to the eyes. Of joy, one would like to add. [HMEHPPGPM reached into his hip pocket and pulled out a small wad of tissue papers].
Greenex?
NSN: No thank you, Sir.
HMEHPPGPM: [Taking off his glasses, hooking them on one of his medals- we think it was the "Shehnaz-e-Pakistan"- and dabbing his eyes with the tissue paper] We have achieved our stature because we have a tolerant nature, and let me tell you, we have a bright future. [Breathing onto his lenses, polishing then, and then looking toward the Pakistani Flag fluttering at the entrance of the Presidential Full ("We do not believe in quarters")] Pakistan is the key to world destiny. [Yelling] Inzimam..why are they patrolling near my roses? I told you roses are sensitive to the smell of gunpowder.
Yes, one needs to see that Pakistan is a great country. I mean, long before we started the present War on Terror, even before we allied with the West to fight Communism, Pakistan was a staunch one. You know, friend of friends, enemy of enemies.
Now the world treats us like an ear bud. Use it, throw it away. Some little money gets thrown our way, as if to say, "Good doggie". Are we a dog? Do you think we are an ear bud? This country, which has sacrificed itself over and over for the good of the world, is treated like this. Is this not the world's attitude? Is this gratitude? I ask you.
This is what I want you to tell the world. You should say:
Cherish Pakistan. Without Pakistan, where will you be? Be thankful that Pakistan is on your side. Let me tell you, if the world makes an enemy out of Pakistan, there will be hell to pay, and we do not take credit either. Pay your respects to Pakistan. Make your payments on schedule. Money is the root of lots of things, and we needs to look at the root causes. It is the duty of the world to acknowlegde our creativity, to encourage our prosperity, and to help us maintain parity.
You got that?
NSN: All recorded, Sir.
HMEHPPGPM: Good. "I expect you to do your duty", as the Qaid said.
Pakistan Paindabad. Good bye.
NSN: Good bye, Sir!
This is NSN.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NSN paid advetisement
Laugh your behind off with Mansoor and Lucky's latest adventures.
Hours of fun with Aunty Shireen's Origami Books.
Challenge yourself with Mohammed Kartunwaala's Jig-see-saw puzzes.
Develop your IQ with Sultan K. C. Choudhry's Mind Benders.
Develop your body with Pakistan Army General Bending Exercises.
Fauji Firdaus Qazi Bookstores
Explore our shelves to discover yourselves (Patent Pindi).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, February 5, 2007
NSN BRQuiqFacts
NSN BRFacts: We have had occassion avail the khidmat of Minoo Bhandara (Ayran Avesta Haafiz). Murree Beer is reminds one of Tsing-Dao, the People's Beer of the Middle Kingdom, but the bubbles of Murree Beer go "Pak-Pak" as they pop. This unique quality of the Beer is pointed out to every customer. We had remarked to Minoo Bhandara, "Pak-Pak is quite an interesting sound." The reply, with a wink and a wry smile, was something we will never forget: "All bubbles pop."
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