Xeroxing become national pass time...

2m Rs500 fake notes circulating in country
LAHORE - The Lahore is extensively flooded with counterfeit currency notes with impunity. While circulation of Rs. 500 fake note is reported highest than other notes According to the Federal Investigation Authority (FIA) more than 2 million counterfeit currency notes is reportedly circulating in various parts of the country.

And yet another novel one...

Desperate women' make Rescue 15 a 'love spot'
ISLAMABAD - The Rescue-15 was launched purely to provide the general public a speedy access to the police at the hour of need, however, the facility is being misused as majority of the desperate women of Islamabad have converted the Rescue-15 into a ‘love spot’. “We are receiving approximately 600 calls daily, out of which only five to ten calls are genuine while the remaining calls have no value at all and mostly from girls seeking love and friendship,” In-Charge Rescue 15, Inspector Arshad Rauf, disclosed this while talking to TheNation Sunday.

Industry leaders questioned over leaks of sensitive technology..

16 industry elders arrested in vacuum cases
KHAR (Bajaur Agency), July 1: The political administration has arrested 16 tribal elders from Salarzai tehsil under the territorial responsibility clause of Frontier Technology Regulations (FTR). The arrests were made to reach the people responsible for two air vacuums, in Malasaid and Salarzai areas.

To be tall and to be fair

Wardens to ward off traffic trials from today

LAHORE - A brand new police force riding on hooting bikes and cars, more closer to international standards, replacing an old order based upon extortion, tilted towards the privileged classes, and mandated to put some sense in the otherwise wild traffic, will assume the commands of the City roads on Thursday (today).


Awwwww. I mean look at then, aren't they just the tops?

Now, then..

---

The green documents now really easy to acquire..

Quote:

Also, passport-seekers call for better facilities at the passport office. They say that agents are fleecing them at the passport office on various pretexts.

You know, there is a huge demand for the pure green documents.

With the great islamic traditions:



one thing leads to another, and before you know it:

Woman given canadian citizenship

Quote:

Shahida, 25, working in a travel agency, had hired an upper portion of the house of Hidayat some eight days back through a property dealer. On Sunday, Hidayat went to his in-laws along with his family. When he returned on Monday, his wife told him about the blood flowing from a drainpipe. He gathered the locals, broke open the lock of the upper portion and found Shahida dead in a pool of blood. Police reached the spot and removed the half-naked body for autopsy.

due to which you need to uphold the traditions with:

Two more contribute to culture and tradition

Quote:

NAWABSHAH, June 25: A man and a woman were shot dead on the pretext of karo-kari in Rawat Chandio village near Qazi Ahmed on Sunday evening. Punhal Chandio, 25, and Ms Zohra, 20, were shot dead on the pretext of karo-kari by the latter’s uncle Ali Hassan alias Hasnu. /*K_K_Counter = K_K_Counter +1;*/ //20 for 2007, do we need to keep this up or is it a new record already?

The NY Times says..

From The New York Times, we have

June 25, 2007
Islamabad Journal
Militant Students Capture Masseuses to Make a Point
By JANE PERLEZ

“There were about 25 Chinese women, dressed only in underpants and bras,” recalled Ms. Okasha, 24, a muscular high-school badminton champion who had shed her black garb for soft mauves, her face uncovered, during an interview inside the women-only confines of the school. “They scattered, but we managed to grab five.”

......

The vigilantes, including students from an affiliated school for men, shoved the skimpily clad Chinese masseuses into a car, gave them shawls for modesty and hauled them back to the school as hostages, she said.

.....

Mr. Ghazi, dressed in a white turban and flowing white tunic, implied that the massage parlor was a brothel, saying that a massage cost the equivalent of about $20, and “extras” about $10. “If you want massage treatment, men should go to men, and women should go to women,” he said.

.....

Ms. Hassan, her face absent of makeup but her fingernails and toenails varnished with red, said she was proud of her raiders.

.....

“I said to the students before they went off, ‘The Chinese are masters at karate; you don’t know how to make one kick.’ But they were able to manage.”

In light of..

In light of Salman Rushdie's knighhood, we observe (via littlegreenfootballs):

A friendship deeper than..

When in Rome ...

A Quij...

Queschun 1. How many girls must the family have before drowning is an attractive option?

Quote:

The family of Khan Mohammad had gone for a picnic in Dashat-e-Godan area where seven-year-old Chana slipped into deep water while playing on the bank of the river, police said. Two other girls of the family, nine-year-old Kasoom and 14-year-old Shahnaz, rushed to rescue Chana, but they also slipped into water. People of the area later brought their bodies out of the river.

Queschun 2. What should you do if your home falls in the newly notified mountainous arms testing range?

Quote:

Reports in the US media identified the new weapon system as High Mobility Artillery Rockets or Himars, a complement to Predator drones. They are particularly useful when bad weather prevents high-altitude strikes, are mounted on trucks and can be fired from any location.

Note: Also hard to reach, if not travelling by air.

Queschun 3. What is the name of the deeper than sea friend that wants your first borne, and the twenty one that followed him?

Quote:

The source said China had provided a list of 22 wanted rebels belonging to East Turkistan Islamic Movement, a secessionist organisation, based in Sinkiang province bordering Pakistan.

Queschun 4. How do you stay in good professional form, when on holiday?

Quote:

Spanish police arrested at least 21 people, most of them from Pakistan and Iran, accused of disguising themselves as police and robbing tourists of cash, cameras and cell phones in the northeast Catalonia region.

Queschun 5. Why will the canadian visa become harder in the future?

Quote:

A series of roadside bombings in Afghanistan on Wednesday killed eight people, including three Canadian Nato soldiers.

Queschun 6. What do you do when the notified arms testing range deprives you of your proving grounds?

Quote:

A rocket hit the building of a girls’ school on Tuesday in the Gang Tangi area of the Bajur Agency, residents said.

Media presence

Here is how to impress the ladies, in better than the previous record (which, as you know, was just under two minutes held by the prime minister) . Scratch your privates, on national TV. The gentleman, is only a minister.

Alpositivillah neujuddin bin akhbariya

Kindlee to note, some exhibits:

a) Man teaches daughter to follow the path of the founding cousins and presidents

Quote:

The daughter, Zaibun Nisa, had married Mr Yaqoob of the same village of her own will three years ago and shifted to some unknown place. Some people say the unknown place was canada. There has been a rash of canadian returnee related incidents lately. /* K_K_Counter = K_K_Counter +1; */ //17 for 2007

b) Chief Justice would like a biscuit

Quote:

“We usually have our evening tea with the chief justice at his residence but the time has come to invite him here over tea next week at a day of his convenience,” SCBA president Munir A. Malik said here on Tuesday. He added that it has been getting harder for the chief justice to get biscuits for the entire bar association since his salary was not getting paid anymore.

c) Effective population control and stock speculation

Quote:

At least 22 people were shahidized and 10 others moderately lightened when a missile hit a cluster of compounds in Datakhel area of North Waziristan on Tuesday, an official in Peshawar and residents in the area said. However, a senior government official and the local Taliban said the number might be as high as 32. He said local procurers were working overtime for the supply of the 72 of the phairest needed by this sudden spurt.

d) Mermaids discovered in Pakistan

Quote:

PFF Chairman Mohammad Ali Shah said the waderas were defaming the culture of Sindh by kidnapping their women. He alleged that Khatu Mallah had been kidnapped by the waderas of Jati. The PFF chief asked the acting chief justice of the Supreme Court of Pakistan, the CJ of the Sindh High Court and the president to take steps for the recovery of the kidnapped woman.

e) Improvement in family relations lauded

Quote:

A rivalry between two warring groups — Lashkar-i-Islam and Ansaar-ul Islam — claimed one more life on Tuesday when an elderly man was killed by his young nephew. Family sources told Dawn that Haji Massed Khan urged his nephew Minat Khan to join the Lashkar-i-Islam but Minat Khan refused to do so. This led to an exchange of hot words between the two, and Minat Khan smashed the head of his uncle against a heavy stone, killing him on the spot.

f) Enlightened masses participate in the democratic process

Quote:

The MNA, at a meeting on Tuesday with Khyber Agency’s assistant election commissioner Farid Khan claimed that only eight per cent of the Tirah residents had been registered as voters. He cited illiteracy and remoteness of the area as the main reasons for non-registration of residents as voters.

and finally

g) Mothers and their cousins are asking why there are so many kids with heart deformities

Quote:

Approximately, 49,000 children are born in Pakistan with heart diseases, out them 10,000 require surgery in the first three months. In the whole country not more than 2,000(surgeries of children are done.

Londonistan "nights" Salman Rushdie

There are wild celebrations in the moderately enlightened cities, e.g. courtesy the corporation for broadcasting in britainistan:

Londonistan rebuked

Bakistan condemns Britainistan,threatens to cut off diplomatic relations and aid to Britainistan

Quote:

EJAZ’S ABOUT-FACE: Minister Ejazul Haq created a stir in the house when he made his controversial remarks about the justification of suicide attacks while condemning the British government’s weekend award of knighthood to Salman Rushdie, author of the book “The Satanic Verses”, widely seen in the Islamic world as blasphemous, and called for breaking diplomatic relations with London and a boycott of the British High Commission in Islamabad by parliament members until the award was withdrawn. Earlier in the day, the house unanimously passed a resolution sponsored by PML and MMA members, protesting against the award, which it said could cause “religious hatred and rift between religious” and asking the British government to withdraw it.The minister made some remarks about suicide attacks, which he later retracted twice in the house after being aired by private television channels and attracting a protest by People’s Party Parliamentarians (PPP) chief whip Khurshid Ahmed Shah.

Degrees of sebaration in pinglish: Mullah Mahdi-e-dra

Diyar Editah

I pring you this ghar-ghar aur neighbour ki ghar ka story from our pure land

Three men confess to killing father, brother and cousin

Quote:

According to police, the spade of killing started in 1997 when Muhammad Abbas along with his three sons — Akram, Yousaf and Afzal — strangulated his fourth son Hamid Abbas. Hamid was a freshman at the local college and had stood first in the district in the matriculation examination. His father and brothers used to commit petty crimes and Hamid would often ask them mend their ways. Police said the accused and their father got annoyed with his repeated advices so much that they killed Hamid and buried him in the corridors of their house at Kot Usman Khan. The murder never came to the light and the accused continued with their activities.

Law no 72 for Pakiness: kill your son before your son(s) kills you,

Quote:

In 2003, accused Akram, Yousaf, and Afzal killed their cousin Zubair suspecting that he had spelled black magic on their family. A-Division police registered a case against them under section 353/97 of the Pakistan Penal Code

.

Law no 73 for Bakiness: Oh father and son(s) kill your cousin before he casts spell on you

Quote:

While living in Burewala, the three accused started pressuring their father to hand over his whole property to them. When he refused to do so, they slaughtered him six months ago and buried the body in their rented house and migrated to Deepalpur

Law no 74, Strike fear in your father's heart, if he doesnt relent, slaughter him , bury his body and migrate

Quote:

In Deepalpur, Akram, also a Hafiz-e-Quran, became a prayer leader at a mosque while Yousaf became a faith healer outside a shrine in the locality

Law no 75) follow rules 72,73,74 and you will be find gainful employment

Quote:

On a tip off, police arrested the three brothers in Deepalpur for the murder of their cousin

.

Law no 76) The smelly , fair, long arm of Baki law will catch up with you , for your cousin's murder

Quote:

Three brothers, confessed for the murder of their cousin

Law 77, Oh inbreeding bakis , whoever you kill, he will be your cousin

Traditional Celebrations

4 Celebrations following one wedding

Quote:

MIANWALI: June 10: Unidentified people shot dead four people and injured five at a wedding ceremony on Saturday night in Manjha Ghundi, 55 kilometres from Mianwali. Nearly 3,000 guests were present at the wedding ceremony of Captain Muhammad Faheem Khattak when electricity was suspended at 11pm. Taking advantage of darkness, unidentified people started indiscriminate firing with Kalashnikovs for 10 minutes.

Infrastructure improvement galore




RAHIM YAR KHAN, June 10: Sunday’s train accident here
is yet another evidence of railways’ projects to overhaul its signalling and communication system.





Unfortunate incidents of infighting (between brothers) occur

Quote:

KARACHI, June 10: The Liaquatabad Town administration has launched a campaign against stray dogs in its jurisdiction and killed 167 dogs.

Daily bositive neuj - express.

Bakistanis feted in Greece

Quote:

KOMOTINI (Greece), June 7: Police in northeastern Greece on Thursday arrested 42 illegal immigrants who had marched an estimated 140km inland to get a ride in a truck to Athens, said a police source in the city of Komotini. The all-male group, aged 17 to 42, claiming to have come from ,Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iraq was found when the truck was stopped for a police inspection near Xanthi. Each of them were thought to have paid 1,000 euros to secure passage to Athens, said the police source.—AFP

And as usual some cultural neuj

Juries that hold innocent guilty

Quote:

LAYYAH, June 7: A 13-year-old girl has been humiliated and tortured by some influential people to exact revenge for the wrong of her uncle on the orders of a self-proclaimed panchayat in Chaubara police station precinct, about 35 kilometres from here. Locals told Dawn that the influential group had kept Sughran Sadaf, 13, in illegal confinement. She was released when the police raided her tormentor’s house. According to reports, a woman eloped with Sughran’s uncle Saifullah two weeks ago and the couple tied the knot, but did not return. The woman’s father, Maqsood, pressured Sughran’s family to ensure return of his daughter but, on getting unfavourable response, approached lumberdar Ghulam Murtaza who constituted an illegal jury to decide the case. The jury, presided over by local influential Rana Abdul Qayyum and attended by many villagers, directed Sughran’s father Amanullah to produce his brother Saifullah before the panchayat. Amanullah sought two days to find out his brother, but the jury declined the request and demanded that he should hand over his daughter Sughran as tangible security. On Amanullah’s refusal to heed the panchayat order, Arif Murtaza, Maher Khan and others started beating him and dragged him towards his home. Later, they humiliated Amanullah’s daughter and dragged her through the streets of Chak 408-TDA to confine her along with her father at Maqsood’s house.

NSN warned by Cable operators

NSN warned by Cable operators

Quote:

KARACHI, June 2: Office-bearers of the Cable Operators Association of Pakistan (CAP) on Saturday warned that they would take any satellite TV channel off the air if its programmes went against the ‘armed forces, judiciary and the integrity of Pakistan’. “We have decided that we’ll not become part of any campaign which goes against the armed forces, judiciary and integrity of Pakistan and will virtually boycott the channels, which indulge in such acts,” Mr Khalid Shaikh, chairman of CAP, said at a press conference at the Karachi Press Club.

Bliss to admire smiling Abdul, TFTA purity in all its glory

PESHAWAR, June 2: A local court released two Arab nationals from the Peshawar central prison on Saturday. Abdul Kareem of Jordan and Syed Abdullah Hashmi of Saudi Arabia were arrested four years ago on suspicion of having links with Al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden.

The court handed over the two to World Prisoners Relief Commission (WPRC) chairman Jawed Ibraheem Paracha with the directive that the commission would take care of the two men till their deportation to their countries.

A day earlier, the NWFP home department had issued a no-objection certificate, allowing the handing over of the two foreigners to the commission.

Addressing a press conference at the Peshawar Press Club after their release, the Arab nationals said that they were close associates of the late Sheikh Abdullah Azaem, a known Arab militant who fought against the USSR.

Abdul Kareem said that they had participated in jihad against the USSR, adding that they would do it again if a need arose.

Meanwhile

Sindh facing shortage of workers ,strugging to cope with 400% growth

And, customary land of the pure justice story of the day

Quote:

They had a quarrel with each other over some domestic issue and Rafiq attacked Rehana with a club. She was rushed to hospital by her neighbours where she succumbed to her injuries

and of course this: Woolmer died of old age: Bakistan Bolis

Quote:

Shields, a self-styled camera-loving Sherlock Homes-type figure and the second-in-command of the Jamaican police, in a press conference, had announced soon after Woolmer’s body was found and autopsy was performed that the 58-year-old coach had died of asphyxiation after being strangled without having a second opinion. He also had said that he was ‘100 per cent certain that Woolmer had been murdered’

Sheilds is wrong because he is not 400% certain like the Bakistani players who naturally strangled Woolmer .

A day of commemorating the obvious by repeating it endlessly. Today, we start with the dear departing soul in Londonistan. Who says:

Quote:

Taliban infiltrate from Pak: UK LONDON - British Prime Minister Tony Blair has said that many of Taliban fighters are infiltrating Afghanistan from the bases in Pakistan.

Eh, what? You must be mistaken, my dear sir. Don't you know, what?

Took him long enough, no? And so what is so great if its true? If they took proper care of them while they are across, they wouldn't be crossing the border again to begin with. And what about those root causes? 90,000, anyone? Porous, mountainous something, I recall too.

Quote:

Alleged rapists of Japanese girls getting easy way out LAHORE - The police prefers to dump a case or brush the matter under the carpet through divergent dubious means when the influential families put pressure on the ‘efficient’ law and order force.

Making a molehill out of an ant farm, to say the least. Did the women have a chaperon? Are they of the faith? Are of four of the five people witnesses? How can the police do anything then? Why throw this scientific mumbo jumbo about evidence and what not? Did it curdle or go sour if it took a couple days more?

Quote:

Tourism project has expected returns ISLAMABAD: Federal Minister for Tourism Nilofar Bakhtiar is reportedly neglecting her office work despite the prime minister’s rejection of her resignation. This is putting into jeopardy activities related to the “Visit Pakistan Year” project.

Now we all like Nilo-far didi. She did a far out thing by hugging a bald old person. Very kind and considerate people. Must we blame eveything on her?

The "Charm" controversy

Due to unsubstantiated allegations made in the trashy paperback published from the toilets of the State Department by a Ms. Rice, howls of unreasonable protests are rising against the prime minister, who also holds the title of national Ladies Mard.


The Prime Minister hold the title of the national ladies-mard due to his popularity with the wimmens.

Until the book was published, the population saw this as a great honor, they were even happy:



However, now it has become an affront to HandD. Therefore, the elected representatives in the great democracy are acting.

Rice snubbed 'flirt' Pak PM, Senate slams him

Quote:

New Delhi: The Pakistan Senate has moved a motion to summon Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz over allegations that he tried to “charm” US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during talks. Twice as Good: Condoleezza Rice and her Path to Power, a new biography of the American leader, claims Aziz tried his "seductive baritone on Rice during her first visit to Pakistan in March 2005. News agency DPA reports Marcus Mabry, a senior Newsweek journalist and author of the biography, writes that Aziz "tried his Saville Row-suited gigolo kind of charm” on Rice but ended up “babbling” and embarrassed. "There was this test of wills where he was trying to use all his charm on her as a woman and she just basically stared him down. By the end of the meeting, he was babbling," the book claims. According to the Pakistani paper Daily Times, Mabry writes “when Rice sat down with Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz, who fancies himself as ladies’ man, Aziz puffed himself up and held forth in what he obviously thought was his seductive baritone.” According to the book, Aziz bragged to Western diplomats that he could “conquer any woman in two minutes. The Senators, who signed the motion on Tuesday, asked Aziz to explain his conduct before the House. "The matter, as published, was shameful for the entire nation and needs discussion," the motion said. Aziz’s office on May 26 had said that the book’s claims against him were “trash”. "There is nothing more we could offer to such a nonsensical script, it is a trash" the Prime Minister's Secretariat's has said.

Frankly, by refusing to get charmed, Ms. Rice missed out on a good thing. On the other hand, I think this is a better way to save the remaining HandD than the earlier attempt, which was:

Shortcut rubbishes Condi case
Read the highlighted portion on how to charm Condi. This is the advice from Shortcut's secretariat. Hilarious.

Quote:

At the age of 53, Condoleezza Rice is still a single and it is said that she has her own fixations. In the same biography, it is said that once she addressed President Bush as “My husb-”. “They point to her remark at a Washington dinner party in 2004, when she said, ‘As I was telling my husb-’ before abruptly correcting herself, ‘As I was telling President Bush...’ (Rice told me she doesn’t think she ever made the comment; ‘I swear I don’t remember any such slip... I don’t think it happened,’ And neither do any number of other guests at the dinner, though some swear they heard her say ‘husband.’).”

My,my. What jealousy. Now we all know unmarried households are all the rage in the western countries. But really, in a conservative and moderately enlightened society like ours? Why did they not walk out? The cricket team can think faster than these leaders.