Bositibely Gaged

NSN(Pindi oophice)
A Kourt haj gaged mussaraf oph da Herrow Nuklar Bum
Xerox Khan.(Piss Be Upon Him)
Da gage arder phollowed Xerox Khan's(PBUH) publik
defekashun prompting Jarnail Mussaraf to send in
Army personal to klear da odoureous mess.
Da kourt aljo panned phurther bublik defekashun
by Da Gerate Herrow.
Calls to Daagdar Khan's baanglow waj returned
by a hoori(she wished to remain unnamed)stating
dat Daagdar saahab eej agitatingly agitated by
diss arder.He wiil move da UN to get himself
releaved oph diss gag arder.

Da Hallal link eejhere
NSN (we are everywhere)

The messiah of laHore

So the messiah haj landed in laHore, ahead of the jurnail, in tow with hij wife, (and hij ride, pulletbroof). The beebles gather in the streets:




Lalprafessar leads the way:



and some of the good feeding the idols stuff:



Now we wait for herr almighty civilian jurnail prejident ceo to return from hij audience:



Pls to note: due to being a long long long time GUBO all-lie, more than one finger ij needed to express the sentiment:

Tada....

Some Gems from local newspapers...

---

Ah, the happy faces. And of course, men are not to be discounted. Some enlightened soul (Vamanullah) has called this



IED mubarak.

And yet another novel one...

Desperate women' make Rescue 15 a 'love spot'
ISLAMABAD - The Rescue-15 was launched purely to provide the general public a speedy access to the police at the hour of need, however, the facility is being misused as majority of the desperate women of Islamabad have converted the Rescue-15 into a ‘love spot’. “We are receiving approximately 600 calls daily, out of which only five to ten calls are genuine while the remaining calls have no value at all and mostly from girls seeking love and friendship,” In-Charge Rescue 15, Inspector Arshad Rauf, disclosed this while talking to TheNation Sunday.

To be tall and to be fair

Wardens to ward off traffic trials from today

LAHORE - A brand new police force riding on hooting bikes and cars, more closer to international standards, replacing an old order based upon extortion, tilted towards the privileged classes, and mandated to put some sense in the otherwise wild traffic, will assume the commands of the City roads on Thursday (today).


Awwwww. I mean look at then, aren't they just the tops?

Media presence

Here is how to impress the ladies, in better than the previous record (which, as you know, was just under two minutes held by the prime minister) . Scratch your privates, on national TV. The gentleman, is only a minister.

Degrees of sebaration in pinglish: Mullah Mahdi-e-dra

Diyar Editah

I pring you this ghar-ghar aur neighbour ki ghar ka story from our pure land

Three men confess to killing father, brother and cousin

Quote:

According to police, the spade of killing started in 1997 when Muhammad Abbas along with his three sons — Akram, Yousaf and Afzal — strangulated his fourth son Hamid Abbas. Hamid was a freshman at the local college and had stood first in the district in the matriculation examination. His father and brothers used to commit petty crimes and Hamid would often ask them mend their ways. Police said the accused and their father got annoyed with his repeated advices so much that they killed Hamid and buried him in the corridors of their house at Kot Usman Khan. The murder never came to the light and the accused continued with their activities.

Law no 72 for Pakiness: kill your son before your son(s) kills you,

Quote:

In 2003, accused Akram, Yousaf, and Afzal killed their cousin Zubair suspecting that he had spelled black magic on their family. A-Division police registered a case against them under section 353/97 of the Pakistan Penal Code

.

Law no 73 for Bakiness: Oh father and son(s) kill your cousin before he casts spell on you

Quote:

While living in Burewala, the three accused started pressuring their father to hand over his whole property to them. When he refused to do so, they slaughtered him six months ago and buried the body in their rented house and migrated to Deepalpur

Law no 74, Strike fear in your father's heart, if he doesnt relent, slaughter him , bury his body and migrate

Quote:

In Deepalpur, Akram, also a Hafiz-e-Quran, became a prayer leader at a mosque while Yousaf became a faith healer outside a shrine in the locality

Law no 75) follow rules 72,73,74 and you will be find gainful employment

Quote:

On a tip off, police arrested the three brothers in Deepalpur for the murder of their cousin

.

Law no 76) The smelly , fair, long arm of Baki law will catch up with you , for your cousin's murder

Quote:

Three brothers, confessed for the murder of their cousin

Law 77, Oh inbreeding bakis , whoever you kill, he will be your cousin

The President is furious (which means he bought a new fur coat)

Musharraf cautions media against ‘abusing freedom’

Quote:

SLAMABAD, June 14: President Gen Pervez Musharraf on Thursday cautioned the media against ‘abusing freedom’ and said it should not do anything which could aggravate a crisis. Addressing a joint gathering of the officers of Pakistan Air Force and Pakistan Navy at the Air Headquarters here, President Musharraf said media freedom was undoubtedly important but news organisations should fulfil their responsibility. He said media should present a positive image of the country and highlight issues of national importance. It should avoid highlighting negative aspects and must not create a sense of despondency among the masses

I suppose this explains why the "lamp post" was rejected.

Quote:

Warning Lal Masjid clerics against mistaking government’s prudence as its weakness, he said if the present situation continued, use of force would be the only option left. He said the mosque’s administration was trying to challenge the writ of the government by taking advantage of the presence of some 2,500 female students in Jamia Hafsah

A rose in any shade of brown ...

Shed hate, controversies, and tears (for the fatherland) and stop eyeing my uniform: HMEHPPGPM

Sulaiman bin Hidayath Al Beshawari (Resort return), NSN cultural Desk
Roje Garden, Prejident's House
June 13, NSN

Once again we sit waiting for HMEHPPGPM, while an aide adjusts that smart uniform that is the center of a lot of controversy these days. Since Kamran Khan is not available, HMEHPPGPM has naturally called upon NSN to present the facts, raise the level of awareness, and moderately enlighten, ah well, the public, of course. Well, here he is now.

SbHaB(RR): Morning, HMEHPPGPM.
HMEHPPGPM: Of course, of course, and the best morning to you too.

These people are extremists, terrorists, they believe in forcing their views on others. So, I’m standing in their way, frankly.

Ego, satisfaction and money, that is what motivates them. I am sure, several hundred percent.



HMEHPPGPM in the now famous uniform. His detractors would like it to be less brown

SbHaB(RR): 400?
HMEHPPGPM: Of course, Of course.

SbHaB(RR): Of course.
HMEHPPGPM: certainly.

SbHaB(RR): why insist on the uniform?
HMEHPPGPM: Well, I believe that power should not flow out of the uniform. A person should not leak by rank but by personal example and his intrinsic qualities. And the uniform exemplifies and protects those qualities, definitely.

SbHaB(RR): Why is the opposition insisting that you shed the uniform, Mr. President?
HMEHPPGPM: It disappoints me, yes. But at the same time, it annoys us also that most of those calling for me to shed my uniform have nothing on themselves. You know what they say. You must get yourself a new set of clothes, of course. And then cast the first stone, certainly.

They are leading from the rear, as you can see. Inciting the masses. But as you saw on the May 12, we will make an example out of them.

SbHaB(RR): We now hear the state department is asking you to shed the uniform altogether? They are claiming it threatens the Chief Justice.
HMEHPPGPM: Well, certainly. You know what they have said before? "Be prepared to be bombed, be prepared to go back to the Stone Age", very rude people.

One has to think and take action in the interest of the nation and that's what I did. You can't meet the Chief justice in your underwear, I always say.

SbHaB(RR): Do you think the United States is exceeding its briefs, Sir?
HMEHPPGPM: It is a threat, certainly. I take it that the United States also has certain elements. But they are weak, they were not very strong. That is absolutely the case.

The President, and the vice-president, they are very satisfied and they are quite comfortable with what I wear.

SbHaB(RR): So you think the uniform is necessary?
HMEHPPGPM: Well, yes, certainly. That is what really disappoints me as I said. I do get disappointed that they so inconsiderate, yes. That is disappointing. What am I going to with my medals, otherwise. A commando has to wear his medals, of course.

This is a battle between "moderates" and extremists, and I would do everything to ensure the victory of the moderates, naturally.

In this struggle for modesty, we will defeat the extremist forces, and the moderate forces must win. Islam is all about modesty, you see. And without the uniform, I am certainly not very modest, you see, of course.

SbHaB(RR): Sir, What do you say to the detractors?
HMEHPPGPM: Well, our defense is certainly impregnable. In fact, the uniform protects the rear very well. All our uniforms are padded, you see.
Its not easy, but they will be defeated. As I have said before ( see agency report ) these people are only looking for Canadian visas. And that is the easy way out.



And a very nice shade of brown, it is, certainly.

SbHaB(RR): So all the talk of lamp posts?
HMEHPPGPM: Yes. This is because of whatever has happened 26 years ago. So this place becomes a boiling pot. Yes, indeed people could be coming here. People could be training. And we will act against them. We are trying to do our best, certainly. It's a totally shifted environment.

At this point there was unmistakable browning in certain parts of the presidents uniform, and we respectfully withdrew.

------------------------------
NSN - Protecting modesty, from the rear.
[Adv]
Fauji Leadership Services: Creating leaders of tomorrow
Advance courses in leading from rear now forming
No prior training in rearing needed.

Our Herrow....

Images by Agencies. Individual citations awaited.

Our Herrow, he has been much influenced by gangsta rappers.




who knows how to salute smartly





while holding his pants up his other hand.




(BS: Of course, he has many fans).

Israel Herald gets the idea too..

From the Israel Herald: US to Musharraf: Shed uniform before poll

We all know it is necessary to shed uniform before getting the poll.

Quote:
The US says it will rear embattled Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf in its national interest, hoping that he would shed his uniform before the poll

Apologies for the crude language.

Mullah Mahdi-e-dra writes..

General Karmat in hot water

Quote:

WASHINGTON, June 11: There is an SOS message from the former army chief and Pakistan’s former ambassador to Washington, Gen (retd) Jehangir Karamat, saying that he is stranded in Nigeria and immediately needs $3,500 to return home. The message is sent through his personal e-mail — jkaramat@hotmail.com — to everyone on his mail list, thanks to a group of electronic thieves operating from Nigeria. Equipped with sophisticated software, the group breaks open e-mail addresses of both famous and not-so-famous people and sends messages to all those on that person’s mail list. They send millions of mails everyday. Most people dismiss such mails as trash from con artists but some do get worried about their friend supposedly stranded in Nigeria and do send some money. Another high-profile victim of the scam was Dr Ishrat Hussain, former governor of the State Bank of Pakistan, and the most recent victim known to Pakistanis in Washington is US-based journalist Nuzaira Azam. The message sent out on her name was the same as the one sent on behalf of Gen Karamat. Most of her friends telephoned her home before sending the money and were told that she was very much in Washington and had never visited Nigeria. Yet one journalist, Akmal Aleemi, responded to the mail. The mailers sent him an address in Nigeria and he sent $3,000 to that address. He soon learned that he was coned but the money was lost forever. Gen Karamat’s well-wishers can only hope that his friends would check with the general before calling their banks. Here’s the message the con artists sent on Gen Karamat’s behalf: “How are you today? I went to Nigeria yesterday for a governmental programme. And I have gotten my self stranded here because my wallet is missing and my ATM card and other valuable things like my ID card is missing along with the wallet. “I needed to pay for my hotel fee but do not have anything on me right now, please I want you to help and send about $3,500 to help me pay some bills here and get my flight ticket back. “I will return the money back as soon as I get to back to Lahore, Pakistan, by Friday Morning. “Please I need to hear from you soon so that I will send you my information you will be sending the money to me through Money Gram. “Please be rest assured that I will pay back as soon as I arrive Lahore, Pakistan, by Friday morning. And please understand that your help is much needed right now because am very stranded now. Waiting to hear from you. With my best regard's. JK—JEHANGIR KARAMAT.” As one of Gen Karamat’s friends in Washington pointed out, he is not just a general but also a scholar and does not make the mistakes the sender of this message made while writing it. Also, his friends do not need to be told that Lahore is in Pakistan

Bliss to send cheques(heera mandi tax included) US dollarj onlee to
Mullah Mahdi-e-dra, prop.
Karamat quicksand stranded phund,
Patli wali gaali,
Niyar Heeramandi ,
La-hore 420420


Bakistan world leader in exporting wimmen
http://www.dawn.com/2007/06/12/local1.htm

Quote:

Talib, Habib, Mohammad and Shafiq are among the influential Bakis who have become millionaires by trading women,” he said. “A couple of decades ago, they supported themselves selling fish and cloth ....

Mullah Mahdi-e-dra is grieved...

Diyar Edithar,

I yam very disgusted by this probe which has been dragging on needlessly phor so long
The kaffir media is having a ball slinging mud and goat excrement at the pak image of the Bakistani team : http://wekilledwoolmer.pk

Quote:

His death, coming as it did on the heels of Pakistan's disgraceful exit from the World Cup, plunged the nation into almost three months of chaos and crisis

Quote:

Pakistanis though believe they've got the longer end of the stick(bamboo), you know where

Quote:

It's wrong to say that he was murdered. The Pakistani team had nothing to do with it, unphortunately his back pack did not go off and the kaffir Ireland team survived, he should be called Shaheed Woolmar

Quote:

No wonder then, that the public over there are now expresing their anger, citizens are advised not to go near KFC or listen to Jamiacan music

Quote:

Woolmer's death precipitated arguably the biggest crisis in Pakistan since Pervez Musharaf's coup d'etat eight years ago

Quote:

An unnamed source said the culprit is ready to confess if granted presidential pardon and favours

The site may no longer be functional. So we are archiving its content.

Traditional Celebrations

4 Celebrations following one wedding

Quote:

MIANWALI: June 10: Unidentified people shot dead four people and injured five at a wedding ceremony on Saturday night in Manjha Ghundi, 55 kilometres from Mianwali. Nearly 3,000 guests were present at the wedding ceremony of Captain Muhammad Faheem Khattak when electricity was suspended at 11pm. Taking advantage of darkness, unidentified people started indiscriminate firing with Kalashnikovs for 10 minutes.

Title contest

Mullah Mahdi-e-dra has started a titillating title contest with

Quote:
Diyar Edithar,

I am recently graduate phrom La-hore univarjity of Pinglish. I am writing a book on the great pattles fought by our even greater mujrahideen .I blan to start with a chabter on the Rani of Pindi phild Marshall Frau Parvej Musharaff and his battle with the short dark kaffir at Kargill. I will pe very opliged if pee aref membars will suggast title phor the pook. The winnar will be gifted 2 lotas bersonally used by Frau Musharaff (biss pee upon him), these lotas were ujed when the Kaffir pofors guns were firing at the prave downhill Mujrahideen (biss pee upon them )

Mr Mah E ndra
MA Pinglish,Phd Pinglish illetrachur.. ,Fazlur Rehman university
Phd Bakistani Army victories .. Gen Niazi university
Phd Tactical retreat .... Frau Gola university of Retreatology

And the recent intesting responses are:

Quote:
From Mullah Enqyoobuddin:
1. Green Meteor Down Black Diamond (about the swift retreat by Jarnail Musharraf down the steepest slopes from Kargil)
2. Brown Pants Down. (How Jarnail Musharraf's artillery battalion was caught with their pants in lowered position during Battle of Khemkaran - now revealed! The reason why the Indian tank advance was unopposed).
3. Bull's Eye, Goat Schidt: The story of the Pakistan Air Fauj targeting and putting 900 holes in a vessel in Karachi harbor in 1971 (A Pakistani warship...)
4. Boots Under Burkha: The stealthy advance of the Special Operations Group under Jarnail Musharraf, in Azad Kashmir, where they stole 1,200,000,222,000 goats.

Quote:
From Maulvi Sriv-e-maan:
1. Saving private kamandu (futuristic tale of Gola's flight from US embassy in Islamabad in a Chinook)
2. Daas Boot (saga of Baki slavery and boot-licking of massa)
3. In the line of Kayar (line of succession of Baki jarnails - Ayub, Yahiya, Zia, Gola...)
4. Lotay (story of Kargill and Baki parliament)
5. Mugal-e-Ajam (how PNS kurram and PNS Akpar sank each other when they spotted INS Anarkali)
6. Victory At Last (how Baki army defeated Islamabad radio station)

Quote:
From the great learned shi-e-vuddin
1) Foxholes, Manholes and hairy situations
2) Resolute as a ram, soft as a goat
3) Black goat down
4) Ram Silent Ram Deep

Jewels for make benefits of glorious nation

The wimmen's in our enlightened nation. Dont have credits, kind apologies.

Mullah Rasullullah on enlightened moderation in the rest of the world

Mullah Rasullulah came across these sterling examples of moderate enlightenment happening across the world due to Herr President's great policies. We present:




and of course,




two more people enlightened and we will have a mini renaissance.

NSN warned by Cable operators

NSN warned by Cable operators

Quote:

KARACHI, June 2: Office-bearers of the Cable Operators Association of Pakistan (CAP) on Saturday warned that they would take any satellite TV channel off the air if its programmes went against the ‘armed forces, judiciary and the integrity of Pakistan’. “We have decided that we’ll not become part of any campaign which goes against the armed forces, judiciary and integrity of Pakistan and will virtually boycott the channels, which indulge in such acts,” Mr Khalid Shaikh, chairman of CAP, said at a press conference at the Karachi Press Club.

Bliss to admire smiling Abdul, TFTA purity in all its glory

PESHAWAR, June 2: A local court released two Arab nationals from the Peshawar central prison on Saturday. Abdul Kareem of Jordan and Syed Abdullah Hashmi of Saudi Arabia were arrested four years ago on suspicion of having links with Al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden.

The court handed over the two to World Prisoners Relief Commission (WPRC) chairman Jawed Ibraheem Paracha with the directive that the commission would take care of the two men till their deportation to their countries.

A day earlier, the NWFP home department had issued a no-objection certificate, allowing the handing over of the two foreigners to the commission.

Addressing a press conference at the Peshawar Press Club after their release, the Arab nationals said that they were close associates of the late Sheikh Abdullah Azaem, a known Arab militant who fought against the USSR.

Abdul Kareem said that they had participated in jihad against the USSR, adding that they would do it again if a need arose.

Meanwhile

Sindh facing shortage of workers ,strugging to cope with 400% growth

And, customary land of the pure justice story of the day

Quote:

They had a quarrel with each other over some domestic issue and Rafiq attacked Rehana with a club. She was rushed to hospital by her neighbours where she succumbed to her injuries

and of course this: Woolmer died of old age: Bakistan Bolis

Quote:

Shields, a self-styled camera-loving Sherlock Homes-type figure and the second-in-command of the Jamaican police, in a press conference, had announced soon after Woolmer’s body was found and autopsy was performed that the 58-year-old coach had died of asphyxiation after being strangled without having a second opinion. He also had said that he was ‘100 per cent certain that Woolmer had been murdered’

Sheilds is wrong because he is not 400% certain like the Bakistani players who naturally strangled Woolmer .

Mullah Nayakuddin finds gems

Pakistani Engineers Marvellous Architecture triumpth

Quote:

QUETTA: Unidentified people on Thursday blew up an electric tower in Kohlu, causing suspension of electricity to nearby areas. Several kilograms of explosive material was used to blow up the tower in Maywand, Kohlu.

Pakistani Train Tracks restructered scientifically

Quote:

QUETTA: Terrorists damaged a railway line and a small bridge in Sariab area of the provincial metropolis on Thursday morning. Railway police sources said that unknown terrorists had planted an explosive device which damaged the railway line and a small bridge near Killi Zareen between Sariab and Spezand. About 2.5 feet long railway track was blown up. The Railway Control Room said due to damage to the track, the incoming and outgoing trains were detained for two to three hours. The track was repaired in the afternoon and normal traffic was restored, railway sources said.