The President is furious (which means he bought a new fur coat)

Musharraf cautions media against ‘abusing freedom’

Quote:

SLAMABAD, June 14: President Gen Pervez Musharraf on Thursday cautioned the media against ‘abusing freedom’ and said it should not do anything which could aggravate a crisis. Addressing a joint gathering of the officers of Pakistan Air Force and Pakistan Navy at the Air Headquarters here, President Musharraf said media freedom was undoubtedly important but news organisations should fulfil their responsibility. He said media should present a positive image of the country and highlight issues of national importance. It should avoid highlighting negative aspects and must not create a sense of despondency among the masses

I suppose this explains why the "lamp post" was rejected.

Quote:

Warning Lal Masjid clerics against mistaking government’s prudence as its weakness, he said if the present situation continued, use of force would be the only option left. He said the mosque’s administration was trying to challenge the writ of the government by taking advantage of the presence of some 2,500 female students in Jamia Hafsah

A rose in any shade of brown ...

Shed hate, controversies, and tears (for the fatherland) and stop eyeing my uniform: HMEHPPGPM

Sulaiman bin Hidayath Al Beshawari (Resort return), NSN cultural Desk
Roje Garden, Prejident's House
June 13, NSN

Once again we sit waiting for HMEHPPGPM, while an aide adjusts that smart uniform that is the center of a lot of controversy these days. Since Kamran Khan is not available, HMEHPPGPM has naturally called upon NSN to present the facts, raise the level of awareness, and moderately enlighten, ah well, the public, of course. Well, here he is now.

SbHaB(RR): Morning, HMEHPPGPM.
HMEHPPGPM: Of course, of course, and the best morning to you too.

These people are extremists, terrorists, they believe in forcing their views on others. So, I’m standing in their way, frankly.

Ego, satisfaction and money, that is what motivates them. I am sure, several hundred percent.



HMEHPPGPM in the now famous uniform. His detractors would like it to be less brown

SbHaB(RR): 400?
HMEHPPGPM: Of course, Of course.

SbHaB(RR): Of course.
HMEHPPGPM: certainly.

SbHaB(RR): why insist on the uniform?
HMEHPPGPM: Well, I believe that power should not flow out of the uniform. A person should not leak by rank but by personal example and his intrinsic qualities. And the uniform exemplifies and protects those qualities, definitely.

SbHaB(RR): Why is the opposition insisting that you shed the uniform, Mr. President?
HMEHPPGPM: It disappoints me, yes. But at the same time, it annoys us also that most of those calling for me to shed my uniform have nothing on themselves. You know what they say. You must get yourself a new set of clothes, of course. And then cast the first stone, certainly.

They are leading from the rear, as you can see. Inciting the masses. But as you saw on the May 12, we will make an example out of them.

SbHaB(RR): We now hear the state department is asking you to shed the uniform altogether? They are claiming it threatens the Chief Justice.
HMEHPPGPM: Well, certainly. You know what they have said before? "Be prepared to be bombed, be prepared to go back to the Stone Age", very rude people.

One has to think and take action in the interest of the nation and that's what I did. You can't meet the Chief justice in your underwear, I always say.

SbHaB(RR): Do you think the United States is exceeding its briefs, Sir?
HMEHPPGPM: It is a threat, certainly. I take it that the United States also has certain elements. But they are weak, they were not very strong. That is absolutely the case.

The President, and the vice-president, they are very satisfied and they are quite comfortable with what I wear.

SbHaB(RR): So you think the uniform is necessary?
HMEHPPGPM: Well, yes, certainly. That is what really disappoints me as I said. I do get disappointed that they so inconsiderate, yes. That is disappointing. What am I going to with my medals, otherwise. A commando has to wear his medals, of course.

This is a battle between "moderates" and extremists, and I would do everything to ensure the victory of the moderates, naturally.

In this struggle for modesty, we will defeat the extremist forces, and the moderate forces must win. Islam is all about modesty, you see. And without the uniform, I am certainly not very modest, you see, of course.

SbHaB(RR): Sir, What do you say to the detractors?
HMEHPPGPM: Well, our defense is certainly impregnable. In fact, the uniform protects the rear very well. All our uniforms are padded, you see.
Its not easy, but they will be defeated. As I have said before ( see agency report ) these people are only looking for Canadian visas. And that is the easy way out.



And a very nice shade of brown, it is, certainly.

SbHaB(RR): So all the talk of lamp posts?
HMEHPPGPM: Yes. This is because of whatever has happened 26 years ago. So this place becomes a boiling pot. Yes, indeed people could be coming here. People could be training. And we will act against them. We are trying to do our best, certainly. It's a totally shifted environment.

At this point there was unmistakable browning in certain parts of the presidents uniform, and we respectfully withdrew.

------------------------------
NSN - Protecting modesty, from the rear.
[Adv]
Fauji Leadership Services: Creating leaders of tomorrow
Advance courses in leading from rear now forming
No prior training in rearing needed.

Our Herrow....

Images by Agencies. Individual citations awaited.

Our Herrow, he has been much influenced by gangsta rappers.




who knows how to salute smartly





while holding his pants up his other hand.




(BS: Of course, he has many fans).

Israel Herald gets the idea too..

From the Israel Herald: US to Musharraf: Shed uniform before poll

We all know it is necessary to shed uniform before getting the poll.

Quote:
The US says it will rear embattled Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf in its national interest, hoping that he would shed his uniform before the poll

Apologies for the crude language.

Festival at the Canadian High Commission

As one in attendance of the Canadian visa festival at the High Commission in IslamAintBad, I would like to report that:

Quote:

Aromatic night at Canadian HC ISLAMABAD - As the sun went down and the lights turned on, the Canadian High Commission was in full swing on Friday night.

I would like to caution the tourists that taking pictures in northern areas is, well, a hazard, but still

Quote:

.. Andrea Auger who captured the snap of a truck moving with the snake pace at Karakoram Highway ..

more hazardous is to cast aspirations on the persons of the tight and fair trucks plying the deeper than sea friendship highway. Still, given that the night was still young:

Quote:

Heart-touching function was on its peak when different models wearing traditional and cultural embrioded outfits started walking through the audience while mesmerizing them. The dresses were depicting various attributes of the ancient but mysterious land of the subcontinent. At the end, all the energetic young danced at the rhythmic tones of the drum and the flute and their energies were once again restored by offering them delicious foods of Pakistani origin.

But what they dont understand, is that this sort of thing attracts attention and while the faithful are busy just this moment:

Quote:

The Lal Masjid administration on Friday announced that its students would attack audio and video shops, massage centres and brothels in Islamabad if their owners did not wind up their businesses immediately.

they still take notice of this sort of thing

Quote:

He regretted that the MMA government had got involved in purely political matters which resulted in social degradation. “The sale of drugs and liquor has increased and dancing, prostitution and music are on the rise in the NWFP which is being ruled by graduates of seminaries,” he added.

and accordingly have issued an ultimatum

Quote:

Stop immoral acts or Lal Masjid students will move in: Aziz ISLAMABAD - Khateeb Lal Masjid Maulana Abdul Aziz on Friday urged the government to shut down all centres of immoral activities and take stern action against the police and robbers otherwise the students of the seminary would punish them under the Shariah laws.

Now this is sort of a problem, if you are Canadian, because obviously you wont get the Canadian visa even if you qualify. However these japanese girls have done well to qualify before anything process changes:

Quote:

Reportedly, two Japanese girls aged between 18 to 20 came to Pakistan some six months ago to learn Urdu language. Both were residing in Garden Town since their arrival. On the day of incident, Schizuka and her friend went to Gulberg to watch the shooting of a film. Two youngsters asked the girls to go with them and later took them in a house owned by one of them. Meanwhile they also invited their two other friends in the same house.

Having qualified for the visa, of course, they can forget trying to gain any publicity out of their wonderful experience, since others have already been warned to not commercialize their failed attempts to gain western visa.

Quote:

Forget inquiry into killings KARACHI - President Pervez Musharraf on Friday told a high-level meeting to "forget an inquiry" into the Karachi carnage on May 12 when the chief justice arrived here to address the Sindh High Court Bar Association

The Tamizuddin Conundrum

The justices are worried as Tamizuddin case haunts CJ hearing

Quote:

“God forbid, the decision of this court should not meet the same fate like that of the Maulvi Tamizuddin case as the judgment of Justice Munir has become something of a bad precedence,” Justice Ramday observed.

Dont worry, whats wrong with showing up in a burqa for a change? Further we are reminded that

Quote:

But in spite of Tamizuddin Khan’s heroics, arriving in a rickshaw at the servant’s entrance of the high court building dressed in a burqa to evade police surveillance, and the subsequent judgments of the higher judiciary which have become landmarks in the history of jurisprudence in Pakistan, the journey downhill had begun.

Downhill skiing, hard sport, must learn, early age. CHECK.

The World cup herrows continue their winning streak.

Quote:

Sri Lanka made 296-9 off 50 overs while Pakistan could muster 181 all out off 42.5 overs.

Some air vacuum activity was observed.

Quote:

According to police, the bomb was planted at a bus stop close to a bridge on the RCD highway in the industrial town which went off at around 11pm.

And you know what a rowdy night town Quetta is.

China's lead is in danger.

Quote:

ISLAMABAD, May 22: Pakistan’s rapidly growing population at the rate of two per cent a year will reach 217 million by 2020 and will double in the next 32 years.

With all this 400% GDP growth business, US should watch its back too (and for once not due to the obvious fear).

And lastly Sharia law taking rightful prominence

Quote:

In a late evening sermon on his illegal FM radio channel, Bagh accused the daily Mashriq’s Khyber Agency correspondent of “giving undue coverage” to Bagh’s opponents. Exhorting his supporters to “kill him with missiles,” Bagh accused Mr Afridi of accepting bribe from the Ansaar leadership.

and you know instead of the good book, they are distributing these:

Quote:

Ministry of Law, under its Access to Justice Programme is compiling Urdu translated legal booklets regarding basic human and civilian rights ... ... Without knowledge no community can be empowered. There are hundreds of laws that safeguard the rights of citizens but a common man is unaware of them so he is easily exploited.

Whats he on about. Doesn't he read the good book?

Leader's lead from the front:

Quote:

.... bombing a music shop in Sherpao village used to lead Friday prayers at a mosque in a poor locality in Charsadda town and often gave sermons on the blessings of jihad ...

More people are inconsiderate of others' HandD:

Quote:

The accused suspected that his wife Mai Kundal had formed illicit relations with Arz Mohammad Gopang. He shot dead his wife and later raided the house of rz, killing Arz and his brother Allah Dad Gopang on the spot.

The President's new uniform

After starting the nationwide shoulder search for the expected public cry session, now there is new tactical brilliance, which has been reported as:

Quote:
Uniform is my second skin: Musharraf
ISLAMABAD: President Gen Pervez Musharraf said that he is proud to be an army man and uniform is like his second skin than how can he even think of shedding it.

Lets look at it carefully. The emperor's, I beg your pardon, the prejident's new skin.

HMEHPPGPM likes to take his morning
shower while wearing the uniform.

He likes it very much. Ought we to make him shed it? It so new and shiny, and not at all brown.

What might we say to him for the loss?

That we have found a shoulder for him to cry upon in public. For the uninitiated, public expression of affection with wimmens is not allowed, so begum sahiba cant help. ( Dont blame her, its a fatwa from supreme lal masjib (may it be painted even laal-er)).

So if we can tell him, we found this shoulder, large, fair, and muscular shoulder, so manly to cry upon and uphold the honor and dignity, he might be persuaded.

Another way is to tell him that all good snakes have to shed their uniform in due time, lamp posts allowing. And might he be a dear good snake and shed it so it can be put on display in quaid-e-duh mujeum?

Perhaps a royalty from the tickets can be arranged. Or alternatively, it could be auctioned and proceeds can be drawn towards a pension fund.

No, you say? Well how about Bush, or Dick calling him and letting him know two skins is way too much. If he is so thick skinned, perhaps he would not need all that protection they are providing for him.

If he likes his thick skin so much, might he be kind enough to return that bullet proof car, and those electronic jammers, and shiny new guns, back?

He might be inclined to you lend you his ear, I think.

Just lend, mind you, he has no intention of giving them up. He likes two of everything, skin included.

But there is another way of looking at it, its not just a fancy coat or nappy. He can't give it up, because its a real appendage. As functional as his tactically brilliant appendix. In fact, the above report may have been misquoted. Here is the correct one:

Quote:

Uniform part of my being' “I was brought up as a military man and uniform is part of my being,” he maintained. In an interview with BBC on Tuesday, he said he took over as President due to the turmoil in the country, otherwise he loved being an armyman.

Now this is BBC (of course, no less!!!, don't you know, no less!!!). Now the supreme leader likes making sacrifices for his country and all, but come on asking one to give their first born for the lamp post is one thing, has anyone heard of someone being asked to have an appendectomy? We dont even know what the thing does?

Why does he have to have the operation? Is it infected? He hasn't done any downhill skiing lately, and the begum was sure there is not a touch of brown on it.

Be nice good people, and let the uniform be. Really, Is Pakistan now so poor its ruler cant even have two skins? That is the real question.

Every now and then, we all need a shoulder to cry upon..

Bloomberg is reporting that Northern Flight Infantry has imparted training on Islamabad police, which is now doing downhill cross country skiing in the summer.

Quote:

"The Red Mosque clerics have released all the policemen they had taken hostage from outside their seminaries,'' Tariq Azeem, the junior minister for information and broadcasting, said in a telephone interview today. "There was no need for use of force."

Of course, not. The force is reserved for speculating in the stock of 72 of the Phairest, Inc. by befriending those who are now called miscreants , reports Anatolian Times:

Quote:

"Four miscreants were killed when security forces launched an operation to bust a terrorist training camp at Zargarkhel. Helicopters were also there," Arshad told AFP.

Something happens the same day as the Post Chronicle publishes :

Quote:

Pakistan Says No Al-Qaida Base In Country By Staff May 21, 2007 Pakistan said Monday there is no al-Qaida base in the country and dismissed reports of U.S. agents tracing Osama bin Laden to its territory.

See this is a different kind of speculation.

And now for something completely different! The Pink Times is unhappy:

Quote:

Trans man jailed in Pakistan over marriage Mr Raj had given a sworn statement that he was a man and complained that his wife’s relatives and the police were threatening them with "dire consequences" if they didn’t divorce. The court had then called the bride's father, Tariq Hussain, who testified that Raj was a woman. Mr Hussain urged the court to annul Mr Raj’s September marriage to his 26-year-old daughter, saying it was against Islam.

An air vacuum bursts near Interior Minister Aftab Ahmed Khan Sherpao's home, and the number of oil tankers travelling in air vacuum pockets during the day reached a new record of 10.

A man we know very well expresses his desire to express his grief in tears.

Quote:

“That will be a day of grief for me if these lies and deception triumph over truth and reality ... That will be a very sad day for Pakistan and the point where I will cry,” he said. He insisted the party could still win year-end parliamentary elections.

He said that army is testing the best pillow for him to cry on, already.

Meanwhile, a hard working student of air vacuum technology was prevented from furthering his education with practical training.

Quote:

The accused was said to be on a bicycle and was, therefore, easily chased and nabbed. However, his one accomplice, also on a bicycle, escaped. Saeed and his accomplice had allegedly planted the bomb in front of the music shop before fleeing on bicycles.

Other interns are now requesting better modes of transport.

Down the memory lane: Mullah Rishiullah's treasure trove

The great Rishiullah, ancient painter, sculptor and theologian, brings us these gems from NSN days past:

Konstitutional protection and Good governance

Recently , it has been observed that the laws written three constitutions ago provide protection to HMEHPPGPM for any and all tactical brilliance.

Quote:

He also submitted before a 13-member full court that the petition of Chief Justice Iftikhar Muhammad Chaudhry was not maintainable because under Articles 210 and 211 of the Constitution, proceedings of the Supreme Judicial Council cannot be challenged in any court. Similarly, Article 248 of the Constitution gives complete immunity to the president to be sued in any court of law.

President's policy, reverse brain drain behind economic progress: Minister

President's policy, reverse brain drain behind economic progress: Minister

ISLAMABAD: Some 73,001 Pakistanis were returned home from various countries in 2005-06 and 42,761 in 2006-07 due to better economic opportunities created by the President's policies. At the same time, Pakistan has deported 528 illegal aliens poaching on the jobs meant for Pakistanis in the last three years, Minister of State for Foreign Affairs Khusro Bakhtiar told the National Assembly (NA) in question hour on Thursday.

Bakhtiar said the Pakistani nationals had returned from Nepal, the Maldives, Sri Lanka, Ireland, Italy, Belgium, Netherlands, Iran, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, Libya, Kenya, Senegal, Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Egypt, Lebanon, Syria, UAE, Yemen, Morocco, Algeria, South Africa, Niger, China, Japan, Hong Kong, Singapore, the Philippines, New Zealand, Indonesia, Vietnam and Malaysia. He added that this information had been gathered from Pakistani missions abroad.

This does not include people returning in non-conventional means such as cargo ships, container ships, dhows, commercial airplane wheel wells, Pakistan air force and Pakistan International Airlines planes and wheel wells. The United States also keeps a separate list of Pakistanis who have caused severe economic disappointment there. Those returning from India, are of course, not counted. Most of them will be soon sent back.

The minister lauded the president's policies and remarked that at this rate even second and third generation Pakistanis will soon be returning back home due to better opportunities here. The government is taking full advantage of the highly skilled manpower available. The effects of these new initiatives are already visible in Karachi, Baluchistan, and NWFP.

Auntie Shamim cooks up a storm

Malasian Sun

Quote:

slamabad, Apr 28 : Marital lives of a large number of male parliamentarians in Pakistan are said to be on the verge of being ruined because of a book that's been written by a brothel owner in Islamabad, who claims that most of the MNAs were on her client list! The book, to be published by the Oxford University Press, is written by Aunty Shamim, the brothel owner who claims to possess the richest clientele list of this sort in Pakistan. Her clientele includes majority of MNAs, besides senior Army officers and judges. The news of Shamim publishing such a book has given driven down the spine of many such MNAs who fear that their names would be surely included in the book. The gravity of the situation could be gauged from the fact that the MNAs who sit on Treasury benches recently discussed the issue with none other Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz. National Assembly Speaker Chaudhry Amir Hussain was also reportedly present when the matter was discussed at the residence of Nasrullah Khan Dareshak, following a dinner reception. One of the ruling MNAs said that the publication of the book could trigger a large number of divorces with majority of the lawmakers being separated from their wives. "Mr prime minister, there would be at least 200-300 divorces if Aunty Shamim's book gets published," The News quoted him as saying. The lawmakers, who were present on the occasion, noted with concern that the fear of being exposed looms large over the Parliament Lodges that houses the rich clientele of Aunty Shamim. As the discussion by the MNAs was on, the Prime Minister inquired about the whereabouts of Aunty Shamim. "Do you know where Aunty Shamim is right now," he asked his treasury colleagues who turned their heads towards each other, as if they did not know.

Cross Post

SSridhar wrote:

Vely, vely hilarious Quote: Aunty Shamim, the alleged owner of a brothel in Islamabad, has put at stake the future of many “honourable” MPs who fear there would be a string of divorces in case she publishes a book carrying the names of her clients. The gravity of the situation can be gauged from the fact that the treasury parliamentarians have discussed the issue with Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz. National Assembly Speaker Chaudhry Amir Hussain was also present when the matter was discussed at the residence of Nasrullah Khan Dareshak, following a dinner reception the other day. A ruling MP from Sargodha said the publication of the book could trigger a large number of divorces with majority of the lawmakers being separated from their wives. He fears that Aunty Shamim is planning to author a book which would be published by the Oxford University Press. The book would be about her clientele and majority of them, what he fears, are MNAs, senior Army officers and judges. “Mr prime minister, there would be at least 200-300 divorces if Aunty Shamim’s book gets published,” he said. Before making this disclosure, he sought the permission of the National Assembly speaker, saying he wanted to speak on a call attention notice. He also requested the female MPs to leave the place, saying there would be a bit “vulgar discussion” which, propriety demands, should not take place in their presence. A female journalist-turned-lawmaker and spinster from a smaller province, refused to leave the place, not knowing exactly the contents of the “agenda”. So the discussion took place in the presence of the female MPs. The said treasury lawmakers noted with concern that the fear of being exposed looms large over the Parliament Lodges that houses the rich clientele of Aunty Shamim. “Our one colleague may be spared who is not among the clients,” the treasury members said, while mentioning the name of a lawmaker. But that does not mean he is not a “colourful” person. The Sargodah-based MP said this while making observation about the said MP, who has chances of being spared by Aunty Shamim. The Sargodha-based MP said the said MP was also a regular customer of a brothel, but that is relatively cheaper and one night costs him Rs 2,500 because he uses relatively cheaper “stuff”. But the Sargodha-based MP made it clear that he himself was not involved in this business. He, however, said his colleagues shared their reservations and see trouble ahead in case of publication of the book. As the discussion by the honourable MPs was progressing, the prime minister enquired about the whereabouts of Aunty Shamim. “Do you know where Aunty Shamim is right now,” he asked his treasury colleagues who turned their heads towards each other, as if they did not know. In an attempt to involve Chaudhry Shujaat Hussain in the discussion on the matter of “serious” concern, the prime minister said ladies would feel very comfortable and safe in the company of Shujaat. The ruling party leader got the point and raised his hand for seeking permission from Speaker Chaudhry Amir Hussain, who was presiding over the proceedings. As the permission was granted, Shujaat sought clarification from the prime minister as to what exactly he meant? “There are two interpretations of your words. What do you mean?” Shujaat asked the prime minister, who he gave a smile instead of a reply. When this correspondent contacted another MP who also attended the dinner for comments, he said there was no truth in the contents of the proposed book. Such attempts are being made by those who are against democracy and are out to defame members of parliament. He added that once the book is published “we will take the legal course against the author and defend ourselves”.

Whole world to suffer: Kasuri

Whole world to suffer: Kasuri
Updated at 1745 PST
Sulaiman bin Hidayath Al-Beshawari
Abblikation pindi (Copyright NSN).

KASUR (NSN): Foreign Minister Khurshid Mahmud Kasuri said Tuesday that if America ignored Pakistan, the consequences would have to be faced by the whole world. Addressing a gathering of lawyers at Chunian district of Kasur, he said Pakistan is already facing problems related with Afghanistan and is also regaining its leadership by reuniting the fractured islamic world in trying to dissolve the standoff between USA and Iran through dialogue. The minister added, "Islam does not allow a partner to just walk away".

Pakistan is the only country that has had intimate relations with USA and China simultaneously, the foreign minister said adding that Pakistan entered into 34 agreements with China. These agreements will give a great boost to the national population, he remarked. "Even religious leader here are named Maulana Sandwich", quipped the minister.

Khurshid Kasuri said that America is undoubtedly a super power, but Pakistan is not acting upon its agenda, adding that Pakistan never supported USA over (Pakistan’s) tight and firm interests. That is not an islamic position, remarked the minister. Pakistan has stood tall among the Islamic nations by establishing lasting relationships that have borne and reared the fruits of development, added the minister.

Pakistan is a nuclear power and playing a leading role in the Islamic world, which is a clear proof of the best foreign policy of the government, he added. On sidelines of the meeting the minister advised the lawyers to give up highway robbery and practice in the courts instead. The government is also preparing a rehabilitation scheme for lawyers who might be adversely affected due to giving up their profession as a docait.

----------------------------------
This is (mostly true and only minimally) NSN.

Pakistan to overtake India in the field of movie entertainment

Pakistan to overtake India in the field of movie entertainment

Islamabad, 01 March (NSN): In a grand ceremony today, Pakistan’s President and entertainment minister Mr. Pervez Musharraf disclosed that the country will soon overtake India in the field of movies and cinema entertainment.

“Bollywood is producing either romantic movies, comedies or horror movies, but nothing in between. There is definitely a niche for us there. Our stars are well positioned to address that in-between market”, the president said. Nobody who has ever had an encounter with the dancing dolls of Peshawar would dare disagree.

The grand ceremony was organized to celebrate the launch of Pakistan’s latest movie “Jinn Ooh, Jinn Aah” – a bold attempt at combining the genres of horror, romance and biography. The President said that the last attempt to make a movie on Jinnah failed because it only combined biography and horror, and had no romance. “Also, the horror was about a Western Dracula, not an Islamic Jinn. I am glad the producers are not taking any chances this time.” Further, in a great show of the technological prowess of Pakistan’s movie industry, a teaser trailer was recently posted on the Internet.

“Our film industry is second to none”, said the President. “We can make indigenous movies. Allah be praised, we even have a Big Bee in Pakistan”.

The clerics have endorsed Musharraf’s ideas, provided Islamic requirements are met. “As per Sharia, we need to have at least three dances in each movie. Otherwise we believe that pictures are haraam”, said a popular one-eyed cleric in the latest video tape sent to our Quetta office. “May the irony be lost upon you, Inshallah”, he said with a wink that was a blink.

The cleric also decreed that appearances of Meera, who likes to flaunt her Hindu name, will not be allowed. Instead, only the original Peshawar atom bomb named Al-mirah will be allowed (NSN confirms that the name has no relation to her tonnage). Her thigh-clapping cousin Big-Bee is also welcome, provided she resolves the legal dispute over her name with the celebrated Madam of PISS fame.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Editor’s note: NSN requests its kamandu correspondents to please post a link to the “teaser trailer” featuring the dancing dolls of Peshawar, for the benefit of the ummah only

HMEHPPGPM thinks aloud

"I never know what to wear when I see Dick": General Musharraf
Rawalpindi Feb 26: In a surprise visit to Pakistan, American vice president Dick Cheney gave a strongly worded message to Musharraf before the two of them spent the rest of the day in a hot tub in General Musharraf's military harem in Rawalpindi. Inside sources say that the US VP's message to musharraf included the phrases "touch me there, you hot hunk", though western analysts are certain that the message was firm, strong, and a lot of Dick's point got through to the Pakistani General.

In a private interview with NSN before the VP's arrival, His Royal Highness, President General Musharraf deigned to give us a taste of his tryst with Dick. Dictator General Musharraf stated: "America has been holding back on aiding and assisting Pakistan in becoming on e of the top most powers in the world. We want the world and we got Dick instead. But let it not be said that Pakistan, under my virile and firm leadership, was unable to stroke Dick to get the best for Pakistan. The Pakistani army is very experienced in that arena and our firm and upright military traditions stop us from saying any more. Please tell your readers at NSN that (US VP) Dick may be firm but the Pakistani army has handled firmer stuff and we are not about to stop now".

Shortly before leaving for the reception in honour of the US VP, General Musharraf held a pre-reception dressing-up get together, where the entire Pakistani military leadership and most of the civilian leadership watched Musharraf try out various dresses, including a sultry looking nightgown designed by Giorgio Armani, which was voted the favourite by the crowd, but was considered a little too intimate for a first date. As a token of Pakistan's deep and enduring friendship for America, the General presented a third-generation Goat from his family farm to the US vice president.


--NSN Staff Report.

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Some else is upset too

Word knows pakistan! Here is the entry in Wiki Encyclopedia

Quote:

i officially Pakistan means 'The pure/clean Pubic Hair country, though mentioning Pubic Hair is haraam in Islam and punishable with flogging in Public. Since this simile has a spiritual interpretations, a concrete meaning is still lacking.

"I PITY THE FOO' THAT DOESN'T FIX THIS CRAP!"

Quote:

It is believed that 29 days, 5 hours, 41 minutes and 11 seconds before the world ends, Musharraf will eventually derive a meaning. Last heard Musharraf wanted the name to be changed to "We-no-Banana-Republic".

Al Beshawari is qurious

Diyar Hadith-ers:

Blis to not that jurnail obhered to take off unibhorm again in miting with amerikan ophicial. shtil no nuus or coverage bhrom NSN of this shtory. ees NSN shtabf on holiday?

Hidayath Al-Allie Beshawari
aggravated reader.

BakPoets 2007

PakPoets 2007

NSN (Watan-e-boo Ku' daa) After doing the rounds of the Presidential Grounds, it is always refreshing to breathe the fresh air of the rustic heart of Pakistan. The PakPoets was organized in MBK to start off the new crusader year, and as usual, there was no dearth of dissatisfaction over anything remotely connected to authority. An assortment of the poems presented follows (some meaning may have been lost in translation).

When I say I am Pakistani
They say I should become a better Muslim first
When I say I am a Muslim
They say I should become a better Pakistani first
Who should I [NSN regrets] first?
Pakistan or Islam?

(Name withheld)
Basavar Qila
-------------------------------------------------

They say people get the leaders they deserve
But what have we done to deserve this [NSN regrets]

Name supplied:"What will you do? Kill women and children?"
Ran di Yaar Khan
--------------------------------------------------

Dear "Musharraf Aziz",
There should not be so many tears of patriotism in your eyes
That you cannot see straight

Moeen Khattak
Karachi
---------------------------------------------------

Army of eunuchs,
How much greener are you going to paint your useless missiles?
The sky will still be blue
Do not worry,
we will get you.

Name supplied: "I love Bharat-Rakshak" Baloch
Location withheld
-----------------------------------------------------

Shaukat, why don't you rescue your dirty crusader flag
from the floor of out mosques?
Wash it, and put it back
Muslim feet need to be wiped on clean cloth.

Mohammed Noor-ul-Islam
Rawalpindi
-------------------------------------------------------

Pakistan is burning
And no one cares
People have already enjoyed
Washed, paid, and gone home.

Name withheld
Lahore




This is NSN

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Bolder than you think. Stronger than you think. NSN.
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Nazreen's Cocktail Hour

NSN Advert: Nazreen's Cocktail Hour
------------------------------------------

When the Mian-saheb is away at the Corps Commander's Conference and you're having a little kitty party over at your bungalow, why not relax with your friends and a cool glass of "Jehad on the Beach"? Its very simple, says our genial hostess with the mostest, Nazreen... all you need is:

1 measure orange juice
1 measure sirop de pomegranite
some crushed ice
1 spoon of gajrela
2 cartridges of 7.62mm ammunition as garnish

and...

two shots of zam zam cola!

shake well, and serve in an empty shell casing
you know its a hit!

-------------------------------
NSN - moderately enlightened after dark

The President General's position on the War on Terror

The President General's position on the War on Terror

NSN (Islamabad): We reproduce below the text of a fax message from HMEHPPGPM:

[Hand-written at top of fax sheet: "Follow up to our talk yesterday -PM"]

The rightful position of Pakistan in the War on Terror must be recognized.

Some may say Pakistan is in bed with America, but I say the rules of engagement are clear; even if this is a marriage of convenience for some, one cannot be divorced from reality: this War on Terror is our baby. The people must be educated: it is elementary that Pakistan is in the middle of the war, even though we take the moral high ground and, out of collegiality, let the United States say it is the leader in this war, everyone knows that it is Pakistan that is getting the job done, and is the real team leader. We only ask for rightful compensation for our unretiring work.

We will succeed, Inshallah, in achieving our potential as a great nation the likes of which the world has not seen since the dawn of civilization.

Pakistan Paindabad.



This is NSN.

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