A pikchure is worth a thousand words...

And a few pitchers of cheers for..



That's hot. Pity these old hags are protesting

How to uphold the law:



and of course, never go into a fight unprepared:

Domestic disturbances

We often fail to recognize the cruel impact of domestic disturbances on men. Consider the following:

Love affair and illicit relations cost three lives

I bet you are going to give me your feminist nonsense of these three being women. Read on then,

Three men were shot dead either over love affair or having illicit relations in as many incidents here in different parts of the Punjab Capital, police sources said on Tuesday.

A 25-year-old boy was shot dead by the brothers of his paramour in Nishtar Colony area while the ex-husband of a woman gunned down a vendor in Batapura locality on the suspicion of illicit relations.

In the third incident, another youth was killed by the paramour of his wife in Ghaziabad locality, police sources maintained.

Is it any surprise then, that the faith protects the women differently, for their and society's good.

Where there are KFC outlets on fire ....

Turkish Flag in TSP currency

Quote:

THE red Turkish flag on Pakistan’s new Rs1,000 currency note perhaps depicts the good relationship between Pakistan and Turkey.

Where there are KFC outlets on fire, there is:

Exhibit A: Pakistan: Protests to be held over Rushdie title

Quote:

Protests against Britain's decision to honor Salman Rushdie are set to take place across Pakistan on Friday, a day after a hardline cleric bestowed a title on Osama bin Laden in response to the author's knighthood.

Pakistani Islamists plan Rushdie protests Quote:

ISLAMABAD -- Islamic hardliners planned protests across Pakistan Friday against the UK's award of a knighthood to novelist Salman Rushdie. Meanwhile a provincial chief minister handed back medals given to his grandfather by the former British colonial rulers of India in protest at the honor for the author of the Satanic Verses.

Quote:
LAHORE, June 21: The ruling members of the Punjab Assembly, led by chief minister Chaudhry Pervaiz Elahi, staged a walk-out from the house in protest against Benazir Bhutto’s statement in respect of blasphemer Salman Rushdie.

Speaker Afzal Sahi ruled that any offender of blasphemy against the Holy Prophet (PBUH) is liable to be killed and he will definitely kill the blasphemer if that person will come across. He said this is the faith of every Muslim.

He gave these remarks during a debate in the house over knighthood to Salman Rushdie and a statement of former prime minister Benazir Bhutto on the issue.

Later, the ruling MPAs walked out from the house protesting against the statement of Benazir Bhutto but came back after a while. They shouted slogans against Benazir Bhutto and raised placards.

Meanwhile, there was also a scuffle between ruling MPA Zeenat Khan and PPP’s Uzma Bukhari.

Opposition leader Qasim Zia, participating in the debate, said that suicide attacks are not valid in Islam. Declaring suicide attack valid by Ejazul Haq is a conspiracy against the entire Muslim ummah.

Giving the ruling on this occasion, speaker Afzal Sahi said that a blasphemer is liable to be killed but this depends on the killer of the blasphemer that he himself kills or not. He said that if a blasphemer comes across him hw will definitely kill him.

A Quij...

Queschun 1. How many girls must the family have before drowning is an attractive option?

Quote:

The family of Khan Mohammad had gone for a picnic in Dashat-e-Godan area where seven-year-old Chana slipped into deep water while playing on the bank of the river, police said. Two other girls of the family, nine-year-old Kasoom and 14-year-old Shahnaz, rushed to rescue Chana, but they also slipped into water. People of the area later brought their bodies out of the river.

Queschun 2. What should you do if your home falls in the newly notified mountainous arms testing range?

Quote:

Reports in the US media identified the new weapon system as High Mobility Artillery Rockets or Himars, a complement to Predator drones. They are particularly useful when bad weather prevents high-altitude strikes, are mounted on trucks and can be fired from any location.

Note: Also hard to reach, if not travelling by air.

Queschun 3. What is the name of the deeper than sea friend that wants your first borne, and the twenty one that followed him?

Quote:

The source said China had provided a list of 22 wanted rebels belonging to East Turkistan Islamic Movement, a secessionist organisation, based in Sinkiang province bordering Pakistan.

Queschun 4. How do you stay in good professional form, when on holiday?

Quote:

Spanish police arrested at least 21 people, most of them from Pakistan and Iran, accused of disguising themselves as police and robbing tourists of cash, cameras and cell phones in the northeast Catalonia region.

Queschun 5. Why will the canadian visa become harder in the future?

Quote:

A series of roadside bombings in Afghanistan on Wednesday killed eight people, including three Canadian Nato soldiers.

Queschun 6. What do you do when the notified arms testing range deprives you of your proving grounds?

Quote:

A rocket hit the building of a girls’ school on Tuesday in the Gang Tangi area of the Bajur Agency, residents said.

Alpositivillah neujuddin bin akhbariya

Kindlee to note, some exhibits:

a) Man teaches daughter to follow the path of the founding cousins and presidents

Quote:

The daughter, Zaibun Nisa, had married Mr Yaqoob of the same village of her own will three years ago and shifted to some unknown place. Some people say the unknown place was canada. There has been a rash of canadian returnee related incidents lately. /* K_K_Counter = K_K_Counter +1; */ //17 for 2007

b) Chief Justice would like a biscuit

Quote:

“We usually have our evening tea with the chief justice at his residence but the time has come to invite him here over tea next week at a day of his convenience,” SCBA president Munir A. Malik said here on Tuesday. He added that it has been getting harder for the chief justice to get biscuits for the entire bar association since his salary was not getting paid anymore.

c) Effective population control and stock speculation

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At least 22 people were shahidized and 10 others moderately lightened when a missile hit a cluster of compounds in Datakhel area of North Waziristan on Tuesday, an official in Peshawar and residents in the area said. However, a senior government official and the local Taliban said the number might be as high as 32. He said local procurers were working overtime for the supply of the 72 of the phairest needed by this sudden spurt.

d) Mermaids discovered in Pakistan

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PFF Chairman Mohammad Ali Shah said the waderas were defaming the culture of Sindh by kidnapping their women. He alleged that Khatu Mallah had been kidnapped by the waderas of Jati. The PFF chief asked the acting chief justice of the Supreme Court of Pakistan, the CJ of the Sindh High Court and the president to take steps for the recovery of the kidnapped woman.

e) Improvement in family relations lauded

Quote:

A rivalry between two warring groups — Lashkar-i-Islam and Ansaar-ul Islam — claimed one more life on Tuesday when an elderly man was killed by his young nephew. Family sources told Dawn that Haji Massed Khan urged his nephew Minat Khan to join the Lashkar-i-Islam but Minat Khan refused to do so. This led to an exchange of hot words between the two, and Minat Khan smashed the head of his uncle against a heavy stone, killing him on the spot.

f) Enlightened masses participate in the democratic process

Quote:

The MNA, at a meeting on Tuesday with Khyber Agency’s assistant election commissioner Farid Khan claimed that only eight per cent of the Tirah residents had been registered as voters. He cited illiteracy and remoteness of the area as the main reasons for non-registration of residents as voters.

and finally

g) Mothers and their cousins are asking why there are so many kids with heart deformities

Quote:

Approximately, 49,000 children are born in Pakistan with heart diseases, out them 10,000 require surgery in the first three months. In the whole country not more than 2,000(surgeries of children are done.

Londonistan "nights" Salman Rushdie

There are wild celebrations in the moderately enlightened cities, e.g. courtesy the corporation for broadcasting in britainistan:

Londonistan rebuked

Bakistan condemns Britainistan,threatens to cut off diplomatic relations and aid to Britainistan

Quote:

EJAZ’S ABOUT-FACE: Minister Ejazul Haq created a stir in the house when he made his controversial remarks about the justification of suicide attacks while condemning the British government’s weekend award of knighthood to Salman Rushdie, author of the book “The Satanic Verses”, widely seen in the Islamic world as blasphemous, and called for breaking diplomatic relations with London and a boycott of the British High Commission in Islamabad by parliament members until the award was withdrawn. Earlier in the day, the house unanimously passed a resolution sponsored by PML and MMA members, protesting against the award, which it said could cause “religious hatred and rift between religious” and asking the British government to withdraw it.The minister made some remarks about suicide attacks, which he later retracted twice in the house after being aired by private television channels and attracting a protest by People’s Party Parliamentarians (PPP) chief whip Khurshid Ahmed Shah.

The "Charm" controversy

Due to unsubstantiated allegations made in the trashy paperback published from the toilets of the State Department by a Ms. Rice, howls of unreasonable protests are rising against the prime minister, who also holds the title of national Ladies Mard.


The Prime Minister hold the title of the national ladies-mard due to his popularity with the wimmens.

Until the book was published, the population saw this as a great honor, they were even happy:



However, now it has become an affront to HandD. Therefore, the elected representatives in the great democracy are acting.

Rice snubbed 'flirt' Pak PM, Senate slams him

Quote:

New Delhi: The Pakistan Senate has moved a motion to summon Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz over allegations that he tried to “charm” US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during talks. Twice as Good: Condoleezza Rice and her Path to Power, a new biography of the American leader, claims Aziz tried his "seductive baritone on Rice during her first visit to Pakistan in March 2005. News agency DPA reports Marcus Mabry, a senior Newsweek journalist and author of the biography, writes that Aziz "tried his Saville Row-suited gigolo kind of charm” on Rice but ended up “babbling” and embarrassed. "There was this test of wills where he was trying to use all his charm on her as a woman and she just basically stared him down. By the end of the meeting, he was babbling," the book claims. According to the Pakistani paper Daily Times, Mabry writes “when Rice sat down with Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz, who fancies himself as ladies’ man, Aziz puffed himself up and held forth in what he obviously thought was his seductive baritone.” According to the book, Aziz bragged to Western diplomats that he could “conquer any woman in two minutes. The Senators, who signed the motion on Tuesday, asked Aziz to explain his conduct before the House. "The matter, as published, was shameful for the entire nation and needs discussion," the motion said. Aziz’s office on May 26 had said that the book’s claims against him were “trash”. "There is nothing more we could offer to such a nonsensical script, it is a trash" the Prime Minister's Secretariat's has said.

Frankly, by refusing to get charmed, Ms. Rice missed out on a good thing. On the other hand, I think this is a better way to save the remaining HandD than the earlier attempt, which was:

Shortcut rubbishes Condi case
Read the highlighted portion on how to charm Condi. This is the advice from Shortcut's secretariat. Hilarious.

Quote:

At the age of 53, Condoleezza Rice is still a single and it is said that she has her own fixations. In the same biography, it is said that once she addressed President Bush as “My husb-”. “They point to her remark at a Washington dinner party in 2004, when she said, ‘As I was telling my husb-’ before abruptly correcting herself, ‘As I was telling President Bush...’ (Rice told me she doesn’t think she ever made the comment; ‘I swear I don’t remember any such slip... I don’t think it happened,’ And neither do any number of other guests at the dinner, though some swear they heard her say ‘husband.’).”

My,my. What jealousy. Now we all know unmarried households are all the rage in the western countries. But really, in a conservative and moderately enlightened society like ours? Why did they not walk out? The cricket team can think faster than these leaders.

Of Planes, Trains, and Kekra...

Today, readers, we talk of planes , trains , and kekra ( a crab to you foreigners ) . We talk of the loss of strategic depth , and the hot summer .

Honourable mention today goes to HandD

Quote:

MULTAN: Five armed men chopped off a leg, the nose and an ear of Allah Yar Mehr following elopement by his son, Muhammad Saleem, with Kausar on March 16 from Luddan (Vehari) and their marriage the next day. Reports said Abbas, Allah Ditta, Ghulam Fareed, Javed and Hakim chopped off a leg, the nose and an ear of Allah Yar and broke his second leg with batons.

Women's rights are always on our mind.

Quote:

JAMSHORO: Two girls were kidnapped from the Kotri Hari Camp on Thursday. Reports said seven armed men dashed into the Hari Camp and kidnapped Meeran, 15, and Malookan, 12.

and the demand for 72 never ceases or ebbs .

Quote:

RIYADH (AFP) - Saudi Arabia beheaded by the sword on Thursday two Pakistanis convicted of drug smuggling, keeping up a pace of executions that has already doubled last year’s toll, the interior ministry announced.

Housing receives our attention

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10 model prisons to be constructed in Punjab OUR STAFF REPORTER LAHORE - Punjab Chief Minister, Ch. Pervaiz Elahi has said that 10 model prisons are being constructed in the province where facilities of international standard will be provided to the prisoners.

and moderate enlightenment via air vacuum blasts finds some space in the last column.

Quote:

Reports from some areas said that people there had bought CDs from shops and then set them on fire. Thousands of pornographic cassettes and CDs were destroyed in Tandkohi, Murghuz, Kernel Sher Killi, Tehsil Chota Lahor and Doabian areas.

PPC sees the light

Quote:

This man called himself Dr Khan - or something similar - and sold herbal remedies for sexually-transmitted diseases. He told Sanwal his line of business does well all year round because "men exercise as little control over their sexual organs as they do over their tongues and minds". This is the extent of freedom enjoyed by men in Pakistan. As for women, they are also free, as pointed out by President Musharraf, to seek emigration to Europe or Canada by pretending to be victims of sexual crimes.

You know the language is fine for NSN but wouldn't you just call it perverted when this is what BBC chooses to represent freedom of women? I would have thought they could have look as far as PISS or Jamia Hafsa at least. Shame, shame, BBC. Throwing mud on your Bastion of Freedom .

This is wholly unfair. I protest, most of the material is stolen from NSN. I mean NSN created the "Visit Pakistan" gag. Who wrote this, speak up.

Infrastruction and transbortation neuj

New ATR aircraft joins national heap

The scale of improvement in music publishing has reached a new height with an entire market (two dozen shopkeepers) making it music catalogs islamic - overnight

Moderate enlightenment is progressing fast, aided by sporadic air vacuum formations. Now if the government will keep the mullahs from issuing fatwas outlawing moderate enlightenment just a tad longer, I am sure Pakistan will convert into a progressive member of the comity of nations in very short order.

Ulema more ‘enlightened’ than those arranging mixed marathons: CM

Ulema more ‘enlightened’ than those arranging mixed marathons: CM
Reporter in Residence (tracked by ankle jewelery), Beshawar, NSN
Agencies also contributed to this report.

KOHISTAN(NSN) : NWFP Chief Minister Akram Khan Durrani said on Friday that the ulema are more enlightened than those disgracing women by arranging marathon races. The official was commenting upon the recent publication of pictures and remarks, mostly by women, in an Indian publication (see related report )

According to an official statement Durrani was addressing a public gathering after inaugurating several projects in Kohistan on thursday when attention was brought to publication of photographs of several local women in the Indian publication. Durrani noted that the ulema has explicitely asked Pakistani women to be heard and not be seen. He also remarked unlimited freedom given to some of the women regarding strategic thought has only worsened the situation. Using fancy words like "quiescent", and wasting their husband's money on CDs does not improve the moral standing of their children, he said.

The Ulema will never let antisocial elements disintegrate Pakistan, the chief minister said. He added further that there were two groups, one of which wants to promote vulgarity by organising mixed marathon races, kathak dances, mushairas, and dance parties while the other wants to implement an Islamic environment in the country.

The chief minister said that since rising to the helm of affairs in NWFP his government has tried to work in cooperation with the ulema and the madrassas to resolve all issues with the centre through negotiations. But the federal government did not respond accordingly and tried to worsen the law and order situation in NWFP in order to harm our development strategy. The chief minister cited his provinces contribution to the ongoing struggle, claiming that NWFP already contributes largest contingent to both Jamia Hafisa and Jamia Faridia.

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NSN - Supporting the Pakistani Women Sans Burqa Initiative
[Adv]
Fauji Fotography: Take off your robes today
Complementary Martial Arts Classes Begin Friday

Moderate Enlightenment

PAKISTAN ENLIGHTENS MISSILE IN SUCCESSFUL OPERATIONAL TEST

Someone gets a bright idea (not that we support it)

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Enlightened Education

Lahaul Vila Quvvat. Bositive image brojected. Theje beeble wants to but NSN out of pusiness or something: Madressahs only imbart moderately enlightened edukashion .

Leaving no scobe for NSN, nun et al. Along with habbenings of Bislamabad on the front bage, somone sure wants Down to have a syndrome of losing its license.
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NSN: At the forefront of bositive image brojection.
Advertise with NSN, only source of moderately enlightened news to the world.

Enlightened Education

Lahaul Vila Quvvat. Bositive image brojected. Theje beeble wants to but NSN out of pusiness or something: Madressahs only imbart moderately enlightened edukashion .

Leaving no scobe for NSN, nun et al. Along with habbenings of Bislamabad on the front bage, somone sure wants Down to have a syndrome of losing its license.
-------------------------------
NSN: At the forefront of bositive image brojection.
Advertise with NSN, only source of moderately enlightened news to the world.

judiciary and minority rights

Judiciary becoming more visible: Activist judges
Jurisprudence now accessible to the lowest among common public : Kidnappers punished severely
Minority rights enhanced: Moderation and enlightenment practiced in democracy
Martial race magnanimous in victory: Peaceful resolution of conflict like brothers, core issues to be tackled first.

Pakistan to overtake India in the field of movie entertainment

Pakistan to overtake India in the field of movie entertainment

Islamabad, 01 March (NSN): In a grand ceremony today, Pakistan’s President and entertainment minister Mr. Pervez Musharraf disclosed that the country will soon overtake India in the field of movies and cinema entertainment.

“Bollywood is producing either romantic movies, comedies or horror movies, but nothing in between. There is definitely a niche for us there. Our stars are well positioned to address that in-between market”, the president said. Nobody who has ever had an encounter with the dancing dolls of Peshawar would dare disagree.

The grand ceremony was organized to celebrate the launch of Pakistan’s latest movie “Jinn Ooh, Jinn Aah” – a bold attempt at combining the genres of horror, romance and biography. The President said that the last attempt to make a movie on Jinnah failed because it only combined biography and horror, and had no romance. “Also, the horror was about a Western Dracula, not an Islamic Jinn. I am glad the producers are not taking any chances this time.” Further, in a great show of the technological prowess of Pakistan’s movie industry, a teaser trailer was recently posted on the Internet.

“Our film industry is second to none”, said the President. “We can make indigenous movies. Allah be praised, we even have a Big Bee in Pakistan”.

The clerics have endorsed Musharraf’s ideas, provided Islamic requirements are met. “As per Sharia, we need to have at least three dances in each movie. Otherwise we believe that pictures are haraam”, said a popular one-eyed cleric in the latest video tape sent to our Quetta office. “May the irony be lost upon you, Inshallah”, he said with a wink that was a blink.

The cleric also decreed that appearances of Meera, who likes to flaunt her Hindu name, will not be allowed. Instead, only the original Peshawar atom bomb named Al-mirah will be allowed (NSN confirms that the name has no relation to her tonnage). Her thigh-clapping cousin Big-Bee is also welcome, provided she resolves the legal dispute over her name with the celebrated Madam of PISS fame.

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Editor’s note: NSN requests its kamandu correspondents to please post a link to the “teaser trailer” featuring the dancing dolls of Peshawar, for the benefit of the ummah only