A Lament

When eye was a nanha moojahid

looking at me khuspoo eye asked

what will eye be what will eye be

will eye be a Rakitmard, will eye

be gilly-al-gropper, will eye be 20%

que sera sera

what will be will be

da future is not ours to see

when eye was a nanha Mulla yat LMU

eye asked me mulla

what will eye try what will eye try

shall eye try soosai vesti,

shall eye try Khuspoo rearing

shall eye try GUPO

this was his wise reply

que sera sera

what will be will be

the future is not ours to see

when eye akuired me first Ayesha

eye asked her

will there be rainbow day after day

she replied

que sera sera

what will be will be

da future is not ours to see.

que sera sera

yaalla ya tow mujhe mera future bata dey

nahi tow itna lamba mijjile dey ki mai apna

GUPO khud kar loo

que sera sera.

Salam

Ode to the Land of Pure

O give me a home, where the Predators roam
Where the goats and the moo-jahids play
Where ebery man, ij a raakit mard,
And wimmens are in a boorqa all day.

Oh, give me a land in the shape of a l*nd
where a man can take a kushboo to bed
Where on every square, a mijjile ij there
painted green and red.

Home, home of the strange
Where the goats and the moo-jahids play
Where ebery man, ij a raakit mard,
And wimmens are in a boorqa all day

Decadence of the west, Morality and Jeehaard

Everyday when I switch on the tv, a constant stream of half clad bollywood danjers assault my senjes. If I change chanels to UK, Amreeki chanels, I get fully nakid gori wimmens. One cannot read Playboy or Hustlar without seeing the nakid wimmens between the interesting interviews and advice columns.

How can the youth of this country grow up to be bious and uncorrupted in this environment ? This pervasive moral decadence of the west is the reason for their scientific and technological stagnation over the past two centuries, while the bious have forged ahead with scientific, technological and economic progress. We should take utmost care to not fall into such a trap brought on by wejtern style decadence.

The jawab lies in revijting our culture. The culture of sexual decadence of western mens indulging in relationships with several wimmens should be shunned, and bious men should be faithful to all their 4 wiphes. The culture of treating wimmens as mere objects should be shunned and instead morality of wimmens should be protected by making sure they are properly covered, chaperoned at all times and married off at the right age, while taking care that too much education does not corrupt their wold view. No effort in monitoring and supervising the activities of wimmens should be spared, to prevent wimmens from being treated as mere possessions or objects. Punishing the wayward is an important part of this.

The bious mens who struggle aginst such decadent culture of the west will be rewarded in the afterlife with constant sensual pleasures of 72 virgins who carry out every wish, and are at the beck and call of their masters. The task is simple: Bious men should at all times think of sensuous pleasures (in the afterlife) to protect them from the temptation of decadence (in this life). Being tempted by sexual activities (in this life) might cause mens to commit violence (in this life). Instead mens should be tempted by sexual activities (in the after life) and declare jeehaard (in this life).

NSN Press Release: Confusion reigns in Waziristan Operations

For immediate release:

SWA, October 23 (NSN): In a bizarre incident, the Pakistani army attacked a training camp in Waziristan only to discover that they were already in charge of the facility. Reliable sources say there is considerable anguish in the army over the incident. "We were watching the Hindi movie Wake Up Sid when the attack happened," said Captain Anwar, one of the injured officers from the camp. "We have been training mujahideen for over ten years in that camp. How can they make such a mistake??"

Describing the incident, Major Junaid, one of the officers who led the charge, said that the army HQ received information about a terrorist training camp from the Americans. They quickly ordered a strike group to stage an attack on the camp. The group was preparing for fireworks very close to the site when they came across a group of tribals preparing to attack the camp with rockets.

Things went quickly downhill as the tribals got excited by looking at red handkerchiefs inexplicably tied to the rifles of all soldiers. "They obviously thought we were another militia coming to attack the camp, as we are all tall, fair and good-looking," explained Major Junaid.

Encouraged by their apparent strength in numbers, the tribals launched a frontal assault on the camp. Soldiers from inside the camp returned fire. Major Junaid and his men had to then fire in self-defence. "This was the biggest case of friendly fire there ever was," said Major Junaid.
At least 50 people died in the confusion before the situation was brought under control. Attracted by gunfire, a huge number of tribals quickly descended on the scene. "In a country of cowards people would usually disperse and hide in their homes upon hearing gunfire?" joked Major Junaid. "But we belong to a martial race. We also had difficulty in identifying who is from the army and who is a tribal - as we are all tall, fair and good-looking."

The tribals wanted a public burial for their fallen men while the army wanted the tribals to arrange funeral for the dead soldiers as well. Tribal elders had to intervene and work out a compromise. They sorted the bodies in two piles, one they named 'Martyrs of Pakistan' and the other 'Martyrs of Islam'. But then the army officers angrily tried to merge both piles saying things like "Pakistan is Islam", "two-nation theory" and "raison d'etre". This led to another clash and at least 50 more people died.

American resident in Islamabad, Janab Richard Holebrook has hailed President Zardari for the incident. "We are not aware of minor details," he said. "But the bottomline is that 100 terrorists are dead, and America is safer because of that. We have to thank President Zardari for this."

Meanwhile, Pakistan's Minister for Interior spokesman Rehman Mallik said that security forces have made significant gains in SWA in the ongoing war on terror. "The army attacked a training camp today and managed to eliminate a number of terrorists," he said. "We have identified at least 100 dead foreign militants from Chechnya and Uzbekistan."

Pakistan is a staunch ally of the United States in the war on terror. Since siding with the United States, Pakistan has handed over more than 500 Al-Qaeda terrorists to coalition forces. The international prestige of Pakistan has been soaring ever since, with a return to Commonwealth, the Major Non-NATO Ally status, liberal aid from the US and loan rescheduling from international donor agencies.

Rahe-na-Ijjat oberation reveals Shocking inphormation-- Mujlims are minority in Bakistan, Majority of Bakistan is Joos and Yindoos !

A phoren agency monitoring newjbaper reborts in bakistan haj calculated that 99.5% of Bakistanis are Joos and Yindoos. This ij expected to be confirmed in the next bakistani census which will be held immediately over the next century. It might be recalled that in the last census (in 1981) 98% of Bakistanis were muslims. Oph the remaining 1% were booked phor Plasphemy law and could not comblete the census, and the remaining 1% were unintelligible when asked becauj they were busy.

30% of bopulation, who make up almost all of Waziristan, tripal areas and NWFP, including Baitullah are Joos. This was confirmed by the army who then urged the bious bakistanis to take up arms and fight. In return, the talipaan made the shocking revelation that all of bakistani army (another 30% of bopulation) were kuffar amreeki agints (assumed to be crijtians). All of blochistan (another 20% of bopulation) was declared to be RAAaaw agints, which was revealed to yindian brime minister in a top secret dassier brepared by Prime minijter Geelani. These RAAaaw agints are secretly born in over 100,000 yindian conjulates in Aphghanistan. The dassier was so top secret that officials denied any knawlij of the dassier

The remaining 20% of bopulation, 33% are misguided mujlims who have been prainwashed (conphirmed by analyjsts and yindian beace workers), 33% are ahmadis (who are not mujlims), 33% are phrom unmentionable religion (hint: It begins with "Shee"). Oph the orginal 100%, 25% listed their brofession as soosai bambers and part time jeeehaaardis. Since Ijlaam is religion of biss, and these beepuls are not peaceful, it must be that they are not muslims. The rest of the 5% of bakistanis were made of 3% of non-state actors, who rejide in ships in bakistani nullahs and the other 2% with family name as "Quasab" are not bakistanis. This was conphirmed by a personal communique phorm minijster of posterior, Rehman Malik.

The remaining 50.3% are wimmens, and bakistan currently doej not have the technawlaji to determine their religion

Jundullah is not Bakistani - Inphormation Minister Rehman Malik

Aphter the IED mubarak in Iran, the Iranian guvrmand is having a three day meeting to decide on responje and to assess who was responjible for the plast.


However, without waiting for the statement from the Guvrmand of Iran, bakistani terrorist response team swung into action. Thij team, it may be recalled is made of (former) terroijt sympathizers entrusted with protecting the image oph bakistan after every terrorijt attack in the world. This committee released a bunch of pre-emptive statements. These statements were given to various neujbapers and TV channels to use iph necessary.


There is a video clib of Prejident Zardari who smiled and said "Jundullah is not bakistani". Thij was followed by interior minijter Rehman Malik, who said "more proof is needed to prosecute the bakistani terrorists who attacked Iran. Bleaje send another dassier". Prime minister Geelani then said "Bakistan suspects a foreign hand (cough. Iranian. cough) in the rejent load shedding injidents in Krachi". Foreign minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi said that more aid waj needed (without carry-loocar conditions) to uplift the society of bakistan to avoid such injidents in future.


Meanwhile prominent analysits swung into action. Lal-tin-topi award winner Zaid Hamid said "Iranians are secret yindoos and blochis are yehudi. The Iranian's prejidents name is "Aham-in-naahi-Jat" which is a combination of Sanskrit, English, Bihari and Sikh. It is clear a kanspeerajy is being waged against bakistan". Ejaaz Hidehere pitched in and aphter making a few toilet related jokes and double entendres said "The prosecution of modern statecraft in the post magna carta era of any nation founded on the basis of modern principles of statehood demands we create hordes of unwashed apduls who terrorize our neighbors, who then can be leveraged to demand aid money from everyone" . Bakistani ambassadaor Haqqani added "Every terrorijt is a bakistani, but not all bakistanis are terrorijts, so blease to not plame Jundullah like yindia is blaming quasaub"

Breaking news:
Iranian guvrmand declared that the nationality of the bamber cannot be determined. Common bakistani apduls are dissabbointed and vowed to wage jeehard against Iranians.

We demand Nople Brije for Frontline Al-lie Bakistan !! (without carry-loocar conditions)

Todin is a dark din (due to load shedding). Coming to practical matters, Amreeki jernail Hussain Ombaba has been given noble piss prije. What did he accomplish ?

Did he show commitment like Zulfiqr who made us all eat grass but made sure Qadeer stole the bum ? Zulfiqr's glorious achievements are hanging from a pedestal for all to see ! Did he demonstrate bersonal couraj like Begum Bhutto who refujed the bow down her head while facing a bum and chose to give up her life instead ? Did he demonstrate love of the nation like our brave jernail musharraf, who stood in the line of phyrr and refused to stop serving the nation in and out of uniform, and it took many months and effort to compel him to rest ? Did he show piety and faith like Zia who gave us a true justice system, delivering justice to any wimmens who could produce 4 witnesses ? Did he demonstrate commitment to economic advancement to do whatever it takes to bring us money like Zardari, who has brought us much more money from US than any any other country in the world (which was not invaded) ? Did he scientifically advance a nation, by showing humility to borrow the best ideas, practices and blueprints from companies and websites like Abdul Qadeer ? Did he then show magnanimity of Qadeer by spread the knowledge to everyone who asked ? Did he show the tenacity and resolve of bakistani

army, who despite repeated retreats came back again and again, and did not rest till they signed a peace treaty with the taalipaan ?

What did he actually do ? Not a single thing. The achievement of any 1 of the bakistanis above equals achievement of 8 ombabas

Our arap brothers have stolen a march over bakistanis. They have their own arafart who won the nople prije. What great injustice !

Bakistan has struggled more for the rights of oppressed people than arafart. Due to the strong and prinjibled stand, the rights of the punjabis have been protected against the marauding blochis and pashtuns by awarding punjabis their fair share of water (from the sindhis), fair share of embloyment (by embloying them in the army), their fair share of natural resources (from blochistan) and fair share of money and economic develobment (from everyone else). Suarly, pakistanis deserve a prije for protecting the right of the weak !

I probose we all declare a jeeehaaard on the nobel committee to award the next biss prize to bakistan (without carry-loocar conditions).

Added later:

A mullah brings it to my attenshun that the nopel to Ombaba waj becauj people were expecting great things from him in the future.

Well then, here is a fatwa:

JEEEHARRRRRD !!! NOBALL BRIJE FOR BILAWAL !!!!!!!!! (without carry-loocar conditions)

Akhil Kumar not Indian : Shashi Tharoor

NSN Rebort: Refuting Bakistan's claim that Indians were involved in the attack on GHQ, Shashi Tharoor, Indian minister of external and extra marital affairs cat-e-gorically refuted the claim that Akhil Kumar was an Indian citizen. There is no body with that name in the muncipal records of HD Devegowda Nagar, Bangalore, Kerala his statement read.

Earlier, Indian neuj channel NDTV had released transcripts of an interview with Akhil Kumar's father Srinivasa Myensinkai a vegetable vendor who confessed to have sold his son to the Hindu extremist Sangh Parivar, upon further questioning he turned abusive and started mouthing words like " nimma appan ****".
Readers are reminded that it is common practice in the villages in India for families to sell their sons to the Sangh Parivar whose main aim is the destruction of Islam.
Meanwhile Akhil Kumar alias Dr Usman's wakil Gunga Din has alleged third degree torture and stated that his client was innojant.
The case has taken an interesting and international turn after Akhil's confession in which he also owned up to being a part of the team that attacked the Lankan Cricketers in Lahore. On being asked for Lankan opinion, the Sri Lankan High commisioner to Bakistan chuckled and said that the only way the Lankans could assist the probe would be to provide methuvadai and Sambar so that the flow of information from Akhil Kumar would not be interuppted by the lack of vegetarian food

more later

Deadly Terrorist group Abhinav Bharat pehind terrorist attack?

Abhinav Bharath behind attack on GHQ, Karsevak and ring leader -Akhil Kumar arrested

NSN Reborts: The military released photographs of the four karsevaks killed Saturday, all young men with shreds of saffron uniforms visible on the corpses, while a bargaidyar and a leftanant-karnail were among the army dead.

He said that two soldiers and four of the hindus were killed in the hours-long rescue operation. One hindu escaped and chanted a number of mantras before being injured and arrested, he was then taken to the dakktar khana for emergency plastic surgery.

After a hour long surgery doctors were able to re-attach ISI mark evidence before the news of Akhil Kumar alias Dr Usman's arrest was made public. He has also reportedly confessed to a number of high profile attacks including impersonating Hafeez Sayeed and Ajmal Kasab

Following this development Pakistan has demanded that India be declared as a terrorist state, a demand supported by Arundathi Roy and Kuldip Nayar

More Braking Neuj: India rejbonjible for GHQ Pindi attack?

Breaking News: Pakistan to brake off talks with India over Rawalpindi Attack

NSN: sources confirm that Pakistani ministers at the highest level have decided that there cannot be any further peace talks with India under the current climate of terror and the latest incident of terror attacks in Rawalpindi. Dossiers are on their way, together with video and other evidence to Indian counterparts.
More news as it is made up, on the hour, every hour. This is NSN!

Breaking Neuj: Pindi Attack (bith updates)

GHQ attack to have wide ramifications

From the desk of NSN Analyeast: Todin's GHQ attack will have wide ramifications in the coming week. It may be recalled that among the six gunmen, 4 were killed in the checkpoint, 3 escaped, two were arrested by the bolis and five took 15 hostages. Out of the 15 hostages, an oberation by the SSG freed 25 with 3 of them shaheed.

The first impact of this incident will be on Yindo-Baki relationship. Interir minister Rehman Malik said "The involvement of foreign hands cannot be ruled out. Bakistan has prepared a dassier to hand over to Yindians". Unnamed guvrmand sources revealed that the evidenje includes the fact that no Yindoo and Yehudi embloyees were in the GHQ on the day of attack. Furthermore since ijlaaam is religion of biss and since it was conclujively estabilished that it was not a bissfool incident, the attackers should have been yindu and yehudi.

The second impact will be on the power balance in the country. The GHQ attack cemented the bakistani army as the leading institution of bakistan. Common abduls on the street said "Whenever Bakistani army attacks the parliament, the civilians flee and give up power and coup happens. Now when mujahids attacked GHQ, the prave bakistani army stood firm and it took only 24 hours for bakistani army to throw them out. The country will be better ruled by the army".

A Marshall law may be imbosed becauj of the new popularity of the army.

Breaking Neuj: Pindi Attack

NSN Reborter Anjanullah waj there:

Attack on Pak-Army GHQ: A Case of Mistaken Identitiy ?

NSN Reports: Today the pakistani army GHQ came under massive attack from miscreants. Reliable reports indicate that a battered toyota pickup, of the type used by the Pak army, approached the GHQ checkpoint. The pickup had 6 bearded men, firing the AKs into the air shouting "Jeeeehaaaarrrd". Fooled by their appearance and assuming that they were Pak army regulars under deputation, they were let through. The army got an inkling of their deadly agenda only at the second checkpoint. When the bearded men did not surrender, but fired back when challenged. The guards manning the gates immediately realized that they were not typical Pak army regulars. Since the guards were outnumbered 30 to 6, they abandoned their posts and let the miscreants through. The news broke in Rawalpindi at a press conference called by interior minister Rehman Malik, who amidst the sound of gunfire and bomb explosions revealed details of the attack and claimed that the situation had ended.

However, the attack was still progressing. An early respite came to the Pakistani army when two of the miscreants, mistaking their own bearded collegues crying out "Jeeehaaard" to be top generals of the army, shot at four of their colleagues killing them. They then proceeded to take over 50 hostages. The army top brass is intensely worried about the situation, since the 50 hostages were armed to the teeth and these arms might now be used by the two miscreant hostage takers.

NSN reporters are on the scene, posting updates as the situation develops.

Bojitibe Kirket Neuj

AoA yand asssalamalaykum, last raat Bakistan lost to Kuffar Noozeeland, in a very Bojitibe manner. Since Bakistan kirkit eej

onlee to beat Yindia,yand  eet has akomplished eet mission, derephore

to preserve Baki Dollah so dat Bakese kan kontinue to import ghass da team management decided to give da match to da kuffars.

Da public roona-dhoona seen eej just deekhawa, to preserve da yeh & Dee oph da kuffar Keewee.

Salam