Leaks

AoA maulana Yell Yem has been very industrius past few week peelow are some eggzampule


Nikileaks: We will sue agencies!

NSN: Islamabad - it has come to our attention that certain agencies have been distributing authentic Nikileaks maal to newspapers in Pakistan for profit making purposes. Firstly this is against the tenets of the noble state of Pakistan and all that we hold dear. Second, dears may be held, as long as they are goats or goat like. Thirdly, NSN and Nikileaks went to great lengths to obtain the maal that we have shared with the public in line with our treasured principled stand of moral and diplomatic service that has led to the information being created and sourced in the first place. For the profit not to flow back to us is unpardonable.

We condom the agencies who have leaked our leak. There is no place for a leaking condom in our society, nor should any of us take a leaking condom lying down. We must protest, we must rise up - firm and proud! Otherwise the leak will be rammed down our throats and we will have no recourse to justice and our voices will be gagged and choked. This cannot come to pass.

Is this what our four-fathers wanted for us during our difficult conception into nationhood? Is it for this that we willingly gave up our benign indulgent rule over east pakistan?

It is time for the truth seeking missile of our public opinion to home in on target and shower us with the blessings of punjabi hegemony, sunni dominance and fuedal aristocracy within the benign bosom of love of our proud and valiant armed forces (who have excellent relationships with Americans unlike the hindu fanatical genocidal indian army)*

NSN and Nikileaks urges all pakistanis to leak and leak again - we must flood the nation once again with our truth

NSN - Leak-no-logy



NSN Wikileaks Ekjklujibh

NSN Washington DC: In startling revelations in the wikileaks diplomatic cables, it has come to light that senior US government officials including Hillary Clington, Mike Mullen, and Richard Holebroak have been seen by staffers as forcing Pakistani leaders such as Gilani, Zardari and even His Sinister Strangeloveness General Kiyani to perform mujra type dances to 'Munna Badnaam Hua' a well known Zionist adaptation of a cunning Yindu (haram) song that is currently being used to subvert the very fabric of Pakistani society, within the confines of Dupont Circle thana.

Insiders said that Gilani was made to dance in close proximity to Zardari whilst HSS Kiyani was gyrating in the background with his trousers rolled up above the knee whilst wearing a genji. Madame CLington was apparently cracking a whip whilst staffers said to each other 'see what we have to say about her!' excitedly.

Meanwhile, various tanzeems in Pakistan are very excited by the news that his Highness Al Saud has asked for various heads to be chopped off. Many were seen preparing knives and swords for the purpose.

NSN - Leaking it all over Pakistan, First



Nikileaks: NSN reveals contents of secret moral and diplomatic cables from Islamabad

Unknown Location NWFP: Secret cables from the Moral & Diplomatic Service of Pakistan obtained at great personal risk by a secret whistleblower are blowing the lid off Pakistani diplomat's views of various world powers. NSN has obtained several of these secret, top secret, and khatarnak cables and will release them for the betterment of principled stands on democracy and human rights. We have decided to call this 400% indigenous series "Nikileaks". Some excerpts below:

1. Delhi station: "their biriyani is better than ours" unknown staffer in Delhi is reported to have said before being sent to KKH works department for re-education

2. Rawalpindi station: "Red Lips massage services are really great" apparently a reference to extensive personalised contact with Chinese intelligence and relaxation experts

3. Khurram agency: "Americans suspect nothing about the transport convoys"

4. Islamabad agency: "Gilani has itchy hands" - context not fully understood

Nikileaks will bring you more from our field staff over the coming days
NSN - Leaking it Live, Hot and Steaming


Nikileaks Update

NSN brings you more secret cables from the Pakistan Moral and Diplomatic Service obtained at great risk by our reporters

1. Zardari does not take 10%: it has been shown through statistical analysis that for deals < $10M his fee is in fact 12.5% whereas for deals > $10M he charges anywhere between 7.86% and 9.99% depending on how many foriegn trips are thrown in or gifts are supplied for his son

2. Kiyani's dressing room: His Sinister Strangeloveness General Kiyani has a large dressing room with a number of mirrors and walk in wardrobes. Amongst the many uniforms hanging there are Batman outfits

3. Gilani's presents: surveillance shows that PM Gilani has been presented a package by HSS Kiyani. Later humint showed that it contained a Robin outfit, complete with tight green chaddi. It was unclear why there was a hole in the chaddi's rear area

4. Singh seen in dhoti: PM Singh of India was spotted shivering in his dhoti in a narrow dark place on several occaisons by the Pakistani ambassador who declined to be identified to maintain his anonymity

5. Madama Gandhi spotted in sari: rumours about the indianisation of Madame Gandhi appear to be true. She has been spotted wearing a sari in public places

6. Pak ambassador in Delhi: has decided to identify himself to avoid further embarrasment. It appears that he is regularly treated to spanking by dossier in the Indian foreign ministry as a lowly chaprasi

7. Americans suspect nothing: further evidence is pouring in that pakistan's extra smart military and the super sleuths of the ISI and the dedicated servers of the Moral & Diplomatic Corps have managed to convince the Americans that all izz vell

NSN - Hot Leaks Dribbling Daily


Nikileaks update

NSN secret cables moral & diplomatic corps, journalist, secret, danger, blah, blah

Zardari - Kayani wants to take me out - A senior officer of the moral and diplomatic support corps was told by President Zardari that General Kiyani wants to take him out. The President was very concerned because he had not been asked out on a date before, and that too by such a dashing and handsome fauji afsar. Visibly palpitated, the President was seen to be looking through this best clothes and suits to determine what he should wear when the handsome and dashing afsar came a calling to take him out. The president also wondered where the General will be taking him out, what level of expenditure it was likely to incur and whether he should 'put out' on the first date, or hold on a little longer. When consulted, the PM Gilani advised him that he always likes to get his hands-on during the first date and after suitably groping for the way may resort to deeper penetration. The president is said to have taken this advise on board, although insiders suspect that he might play hard to get for a few attempts to keep the General waiting a little longer. Analysts hope that the general's ardour is not diminished.

NSN - nocturnally leaking


Nikileaks Update

NSN - unknown location within ISI HQ Pindi: Our intrepid undercover whistle blower reveals:

1. ISI's in depth sleuthing has found out that
1.a. US Codename for HSS Kiyani is "Bad Boy"
1.b. US Codename for PM Gilani is "Naughty Boy"
1.c US Codename for President Zardari is "Silly Boy"

2. ISI intercepts of secret meeting between Holbroke and HSS Kiyani
Holbroke: "You have been a very bad boy, I have to take steps to ensure that you are punished. Take that you Bad Boy!"
HSS K: "Ouch, ouch, ow... atleast use the [garbled]-line... ow!"

3. ISI intercepts of secret meeting between McChrystal and PM Gilani:
McC: "You are a very naughty boy, you've been caught with your hands on the goodies [possible reference to nuclear assets]"
PM Gilani: "Ya, so... you want some?"
McC: "What?!"
PM Gilani: "I give you good price, she like my sister, I introduce you... good price effendi!"
McC: [garbled]
ISI note: Watch PM Gilani, he may be considering unauthorised sales of special assets

4. ISI intercepts of PM Cameron meeting with President Zardari
C: "Mr President, you really have been a very silly boy indeed!"
Z: "Come come my good fellow, we are men of the world, we can talk business"
C: "I beg your pardon?"
Z: "You scratch my back, I open wider... know what I mean? We are men of the world afterall hain ji?"
C: "Oh! I thought that secret stayed in Eton!"
Z: "Look at this baby... you want some?"
C: [garbled]
Z: "Now... about Bilal..."
C: "Silly boy... put your [garbled] back on!"

ISI Note: review intercept of call between Armitage and Powell from 2004 when he mentions "Bad Boy, Naughty Boy and Silly Boy in same conversation with Pres. Musharraf. Question: have the Americans been planning a deep cover operation with Gilani and Zardari since then?

NSN - Leaking like a sieve

maulana Cheen may anad asked in doubt

Lalprafessar , i donot understand this. Our dear porkistan , land of pigs since 1947 ,is still virgin .... still virgin after 50 plus years of GUBO ... our leaderan , faujiban and taliban have peen guboing to kafirs and taking money for decades and still claiming virginity...
Is this plasphemy ? Should qureshi pe flogged for telling lies khullam-khulla ?

LM as ujual kleared his doubt thus

diyar chin pe anand al redlipsi

in order to lose sov-irginity, the maidaanhead should be broken
as ju know, the musharraf has no such impediment

ju can blast the musharraf every which way (pindi chana or amritraj) butt the technical requirement for sov-irginity remains intact

no such prablems in my sov-irginity fixing gufa, where we offer repair services for a modest fee (in kind)
urs
lalpraf

Maulana Mahi going Lyrikal in praje oph 3 Jihadiots:

Saari umar hum
Dar Dar ke jee liye
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do
Jeene do

Saari umar hum
Dar dar ke jee liye
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do
Jeene do

Saari umar hum
Dar dar ke jee liye
Ek pal to ab humein jeene do
Jeene do

aah aa Amritraj....Na na na….Na na na….Na na nana na….

Give me some Baksheesh
Give me some vaseline
Give me another chance
I wanna grease up once again

Give me some Baksheesh
Give me some vaseline
Give me another chance
I wanna grease up once again

Kandhon ko Klashnikov
Ke bojh ne jhukaya
Rishvat lena to khud
Papa ne sikhaya
9% kickback laaoge to ghadi, varna Zardari

Likh likh kar pada hatheli par
Al Quaida Jaish ka chaala
Concentrated Ammonium-nitrate ne poora
Poora bachpan jalaa daala

BHutto to gaya
Benazir bhi gayi
Ek pal to ab humein
Jeene do jeene do

Bhutto to gaya
BeBe bhi gayi
Ek pal to ab humein
Jeene do jeene do

Maulana HaroonK added:

Bahtee hawa sa tha wo,
10% percentee apna tha wo,
kaha gaya usey doondo........

humko tho IMF thee chalathi,
wo kudh apni commission banatha,
gubo kartha, masti me chaltha tha wo.......

humko 72 ki fiker satathi,
wo bus 10% ka jashan manatha,
har deal me commission letha tha wo....

Bahtee hawa sa tha wo,
10% percentee apna tha wo,
kaha gaya usey doondo........

baluchistan me predator jaisa,
musharaff me vaseline jaisa,
1971 me niazi jaisa, tha wo,

hum sahme se rehte isloo me,
wo london me party kartha tha ,
swiss bank me transfer kartha wo........

more phrom maulana HaroonK

After listening to Genral kapoor,
The baki thought of his promised 72 hoor,
From islamabad to bahwalpur,
they shivered at the thought of being another Darfur.
It will take only 72 hours,
For the SDRE to show its full powers,
The baki will find it tough and it ij goin to be very rough,
As they shove a Cold Rod up the Baki's musharaff.

something phrom you know hu

Bakistan is a wonderful Place,
where from moojahids get fame.
Some nonWKKs watching are tense,
When they see the moojahids hit the switch to Vakum plast.
Some WKKs buy tickets,
To embrace the Moojahids getting their raisns.
There is a AdM who works hard to concentrate,
Then there are Maulanas who tries to make him frustrate.
There was an Amir who always made the right decision,
To help Moojahids who are out to accomplish a mission.
But these days there is a lot of chaos in Bakistan,
Because the Moojahids deliberately tread on the toes.
I hope Amir is returned sincerely,
So that everyone can live it happily.

Salam

Mussarraf Saving

Since ebil baniya yindoo bredaters hape been dandacharging yand wiping off Bojitibe neuj, eye will try to save some gems for posterity.

AOA ispeeking about a Danda pesh in khidmat of bious consinears

Carrying home
his nava danda
a Maulana walking

pointing it at the Moon
making a point
with his mighty danda

thousands of Leaves
shake in fear
but the sky is empty

One not Two
danda does
the Maulana have

Two not One
legs does
the Maulana have

endure
cold Midnight
pounding rain
the maulana does

admist all this
gathering dust
his wooden danda
just sits.

Salam.




By Brabessar LM

wah wah knee-ran-ullah al nipponi!
what a haikullah ju habh phekhed to the aud-i-ence!

as phor bhatullah-al-kaju-qatli... ju dare to kveshschun the display of lal-ness in public!?!

do ju naat know that in aaal eez fair in laav and taqiya? so, just like jarnail show laal-tipped green paint mijjile in public, seniar maulers (like moi) do taquiya in pablic with lal-houris to blend in with great satan (dron-e-charya nebher faar), whilst ju-near maulers (like ju) must perform the greatar jeehad in the goat shed, and even grater jeehad in the donkey shed. but plij to note IR photography of iraqui biraders doing animal husbandry on ju-toob - the donkey maast be sitting during the performance of its role in jeehard. us sea-nears perform these sacrifices for ju and ju dont appreciate?
what is warld coming to?
lalpraf

by Anu-bin-jaan

Internashunal Community Should Help Themselves by Helping Pakistan Help Themselves to Cashmere

Here ij my help to bopularise to the 400% brilliant artecal “International Community should help themselves by helping Pakistan” which helpfully concludes

Consequently, what the United States needs to do, and this is not at all an easy job, is bring the Kashmir issue to the forefront. If they can come to some sort of conclusion concerning Kashmir, Pakistan will have no use for terrorist cells and hence create a more stable Subcontinent. Pakistan will be able to focus more on their economic welfare and the wellbeing of their citizens.

Such a clear articulation for the end of terrorist activitiej has never been written on the internets. Hugely encouraged, I wish to jump into the Jeehaard and contribute as well. Here is my 400% endorsement titled “Internashunal Community Should Help Themselves by Helping Pakistan Help Themselves to Cashmere”

To understand the phenomenon of the terrorijt infestation in Pakistan, it is imbortant to understand the relevanje of Cashmere issue and the part it plays in forcing Pakistan to train moojahids to fight in far away places. As it ij well known, in the past 4 years Pakistanis were implicated (and in many cases convicted) for terrorism in

France
Spain
Canada
Norway
Tunisia
India
US
Britain
China (Xinjiang Uighur Autonomous Region)
Russia (Chechnya)
Uzbekistan (Tashkent, Ferghana valley)
Dagestan
Tajikistan
Southern Philippines
Bosnia
Afghanistan
Iran
Maldives
Yemen
Saudi Arabia
Burma
Indonesia
South Korea


And that ij just a few places yours sachly got in 5 minutes of Google News archive search.

Look at the list of blaces that will benefit if Cashmere ijjue is solved!! If you ask “What do these places have to do with Cashmere and why are Pakistanis & Pakistani trained terrorijsts attacking them?” you are most probably a Joo working for CIA, RAA or Mossad out to defame Pakistan. On the other hand, the first thing that should come to any Batriotic Pakistani’s mind is “Whoa!! There is a place called Dagestan? And our moojahids know enough geography to go there and set off bums?” YES!! And this is precisely the reason why even though Yemen is increasingly showing botential to challenge this record, WE ARE STILL NO 1!! AK Phyrr in air!!

Okay I got carried away and I digress.

Where were we? My support for an article which articulates why Cashmere is a normal and legitimate explanation for using the State apparatus of Pakistan to terrorize the population of a neighbouring country by randomly killing innocent civilians.

Going back to the list, look at the size of the Internashunal community that can help themselves by helping Pakistan help themselves to Cashmere!! Ofcourse, this will not solve *all* terrorijam and will leave a few countries behind. Like Denmark (Stop drawing cartoons you Kuffars!!), Switzerland (Build more Minarets!!), Norway (Stop giving out Nobel brizes to Chinese dissidents!!), US (FREE DAUGHTER OPH PAKISTAN AAFIA!!). But that is for a later analysis on how remaining terrorism can be tackled. Right now let us stay with supporting the low standards of conduct the State has set for itself

_______________________________________________

PS> Several beepuls have pointed out inconsistencies and addishuns to this blog post and I am listing them here.

A reader feels left out that Pakistan’s accomplishment in Thailand has been ignored. 400% abologies! Pakistan trained moojahids have spread Pakistan’s name far and wide in Thailand as well.
A reader points out that Dagestan is a Russian province. Another reader says that Dagestan is not a country at all, but is probably a Joo kanspeerajy to defame Pakistan’s image and RAA, CIA and Mossad are probably partners in this kanspeerajy. I agree with both.
Another reader points out that Pakistani moojahids going to Dagestan is 400% proof of the wholesome madrassa educashun preparing people with real world skills. Who said real-world subjects like Geography are not taught in madrassas hain?
Another reader says that the internashunal community is obligated to help Pakistan and quotes one of my tweets
“Pakistan is doing the whole world a favour by being Pakistan. Would you rather have your country be Pakistan hain?”




By LM

breeteesh like to eat "toad in the hole" whereas
amreekis like to go in the poak hole (phor gooobow)
on the other haath...
cheenis like to eat poaks whole with steamed toad

by Maulana Mahi

What is the difference between MMS and Yusaf Raza Gilani?

MMS supports freedom of press

Gilani supports freedom to press( ask Sherry)

to which maulana LM replies

MMS pressures the G20
Gilani pressures the 36B

MMS focuses on booms
Gilani focuses on boobs

MMS...

IED Muparak to Plog

Diyar Mullaj,

Thij plog ij shaheed. It ij a sad din indeed. Blij to point Mullaj to new plog. Maype, biradars need to move to Teetar, hain?

IED Muparak phor Major Butt (Retarded)

Diyar Mullaj,

I am dekho-ing a very sad khabar. Our peloved Major ij now Allah to pyaara. Blij to join me in 72 seconds of khamoshi.

It ij 400% a RAA conjbiracy! Jeehaaaard!!

Al-Okullah

The Multani Standoff

Assfaq Kiyani nowminashun phor Ojkaar

Full Relief and a happy ending: Strategic Assets are safe

Deiyar Biradhers,
Pleej issue appropriate Fatwa against evil koophar who are making fun of bakistan's right to get
AIDS phrom one and everybody.

Hajaar lice and keede on their beards

To Kommammerate Kuffar Horror Picchar - Biranha

The real kahaani oph phlood

Wahamullah haj eggjblained to me what habbened. Blij to bay attenshun.

Bakistan's scientisht working in Khan Labs develobed a machine phor changing climate. They called it BAAP-e-HAARP. Maane ki Bakistaan Atmosphere Alteration Project.

The idea waj to hurt India, those kambakht who were stealing Paani-e-Indus.

BAAP would return the favor by stealing the monsoon phrom India.

Well, aj they say, the machine had some dejine flaw ... it worked 400% more than eggjbected ... the rest ij history.

A Conspiracy Unravels: India caused floods in Pakistan with the help of Chandra devata

Lahore, August 19, 2010.

The water came in the morning, quietly sweeping across the madrassa terrorist training camp and into the village. Within hours, it was as high as a man's shoulder and Abdul Nabi Fahadullah had lost his guns, his ammunition and all 10 of his goats.

Weeks after massive downpours first battered northern Pakistan, submerging tens of thousands of square miles, leaving millions of terrorists students homeless, those floodwaters are still sweeping downriver and through the south, adding one more layer of misery to the terrorists long awaiting the signal to cross over to India and reach jannat.

"This is the fate of the country," said another terrorist student, a bitterly angry man named Baba Hamitullah, who took a break from hamming his guns incessantly . "It is the bad luck of Pakistan that we cannot attack any Americans or Indians or even Shias and Ahmaddiyas." Behind him, nearly 50 members of his tribe — with their hamming guns, were ready to enter into new territory when the floods struck.

Speculation is rife in learned circles in Pakistan over the real cause of floods that have affected the country.

News affairs editor and met specialist Dr. Shivshuddin Shamshuddin Silani, who looks for theories in deep, spoke exclusively, "It seems a conspiracy to me. The floods stuck on July 29, 2010 exactly eleven months after the Indian Chandrayaan-I lost contact on August 29, 2010. The Chandrayaan-I might have caused some disturbances in the Moon's behaviour towards Pakistan."

"It's not just the scale (of the floods), it's the depth as well," said Martanullah Harnab Ali Khan, repeatedly emphasizing with his hands , the humanitarian operations manager for the aid group Pakistanis Beyond Pakistan. " Something seems amiss to me" said Martanullah Harnab Ali Khan, repeatedly repeating his dire forecast " A dangerous game is about to begin from the Indian side"

NSN decided to consult some specialists to bring out the real story.

Speaking exclusively to learned Maulana Daulip Mahabali Khan who lives in Bangalore, Kerala , it occurs that certain astrological calculations were taken into considerations before unleashing the floods on Pakistan.

Said Maulana Daulip Mahabali Khan, "The date the flood struck was July 29. The numerological total of 29 is 2 + 9 = 11 = 1 + 1 = 2. Two is the number of the moon in Indian numerology. The Indians claim every natural resource as their God and worship the Moon as Chandra Devata. As per a respected Indian jyotish scholar, Moon is the presiding deity of the element water, and rules over the tides of the sea. Moon rules number 2 in indian numerology. Now there are 27 Nakshatras of the Moon. Nakshatras in Astrology are the 27 constellations. Now, each nakshatra has a God and a Gana. On July 29, 2010, the Satabhishak Nakshatra was in effect. Interestingly, the God of the Satabhishak Nakshatra is Varun Devata, who is the God of Water and his Gana is Rakshasa. But the Devata is also worshipped for rainfall! Tell me do you see a link emerging here? "

After Maulana Daulip Mahabali Khan made these startling revelations, NSN decided to consult Mulla Haroon Goputra, different from a Maulana with similar name but interested in missile physics. US based Mulla Haroon Goputra, founder of the Pakistani think tank Khanakya Institue of Advanced studies, is well known for looking deep into the future. As per Mulla Haroon Goputra, something wrong has happened. " See, don't argue with me but Sha'aban is the eighth month of the Islamic calendar. This is the month of ‘separation’, so called because the Arabs used to disperse in search of water. Now July 29, 2010 was the fifteenth day of Sha'aban. Mid-Sha'ban is the 15th day of the month of Sha'ban. Sunnis observe Mid-Sha'ban as a night of worship and salvation. The 'date with fate' remembers when Allah saved Noah's followers from the deluge. The Sunni narrative is that Allah determines the destiny of all people, including whether a person lives or dies, in the coming year and for this reason it is sometimes called the "Night of Emancipation". The midnight of July 28th and the morning of July 29th was the same night."

The question then begs itself, like Pakistanis often beg, does it mean that India has influenced the Moon or Chandra Devata who in concert with Allah decided to rain down on Pakistan? In short, has Allah the mightyful abandoned Pakistan ?


Contributing editors:
Dr. Haji Partapullah, NSN Lahore desk
Mullah Mahendroo, Overseas desk, Ground Zero, New Yorkabad
Vakil Nayakuddin in Bangalore, Kerala for NSN

All dates and events mentioned are true as per the respective calendars.

Musharraf vijited Africa

Fatwa! Blij to IED Mubarak thij rock phormation

Blij to tilt jour head sidewaej and dekho at the bicchar. It ij phrom Kuffar watan oph Purma. Some nanha mujahid should plow it ub!

Musharraf at work in the Ophice

Inam winning bicchar oph Glory-e-Musharraf

Komments moderated

All komments were moderated - 300+ komments, but most in japaneje and chineje. What for?

Aljo please to welkome new hakimullahj:

• Lalmullah
  
• Enqyoob: mullah enqyoob
• Mujahid Mullah Aalloak-uz-amman bin Ghazi
• Rasululah bin Baluchi
• and mullah mahdi-e-dra

any other mujahids wanting to post, or bekome hakim pleaje to kontakt the hakims.

Glory-e-Musharraf

Thij ij a consbiracy oph Induj Paani Treaty!

Musharraph in Goat-e-mala

Mushrraph suddenly appeared in Goat-e-mala, looks imbressive!!

Know your RAW

Who was the first RAW agint in Bakistan?

Bappa RAWal

Where is the RAW HQ situated in Bakistan?

RAWalpindi

Name the Epic written by Kaffir Leo Tolstoy

RAW and Peace

Name the RAW agent in Hindu ( Kaffir) Mythology

RAWan

Which Chanakian bania PM of India was also a RAW agent?

Narasimha RAW

Who is behind sectarian strife in Bakistan?

RAW

Which Australian fast bowler who performed exceedingly well against Bakistan, was also a RAW agent?

Glenn McGRAW

Which Rock N Roll band of the 80s was formed as part of a conspiracy to wean Bakistani youth away from the HoKo?

RAWling Stones

Name the RAW agent trying to wean Bakistani kids away from the HoKO by authoring the haraam Harry Potter series?

Jaswinder Kaur RAWling

Which famous Frenchman(RAW agent) predicted the break-up of India and the subsequent downward spiral of Bakistan ?

RAWstradamus

Who fathered neo Brophet(Pubic lice Be upon Him) Zaid Zaman Hamid?

RAW

What do you call a Pakistani muslim RAW agent?

Rat deserting a sinking ship

How many RAW agents does it take to change the light bulb correctly?

We will let the readers know after load -shedding

What did the African say to his Bakistani friend after reading about the 80% increase in retarded children being born in Bakistan?

RAWL down the rubber man

What is the Bakistani slang word for Fiscal deficit?

RAW conspiracy

Musharaaf Tasveer Kheencho Din

Everypody Draw Musharraf Din

Diyar Jirga,

Mullah Enqyoob bin Arvardi haj a wonderfool khyaal. In phact, a very Roshan Khyaal. It ij high waqt phor a Youm-e-Musharraf. What petter way to celeprate than to draw him, hain?

Blij to sujjest the halaal din phor thij cauje.

Who ij to plame indeed?

Diyar Pirather Mullaj,

Blij to muaf karo phor absenj. I waj, aj they say, "ducking, bobbing and weaving" phrom the bird in the sky raining hellphyre.

It ij the waqt to ijjue Fatwa on all things haraam that lead minds of young boys into pum making. Our military eggjbert, Major Butt Retarded haj nailed hij head on a hammer.

Let uj dekho at injtrument of terrorijm. I poocho:



who invented TNT? Sweedish Kafir.

Who invented Toyota car? Japani Kafir.

Who invented banking? Angrezi Kafir.

Who invented PhyreWorks? Cheeni Kafir.

Who invented gas cylinder? German Kafir (or, waj it gas chamber?)

Who invented New Yark? Amreeki Kafir.

Who invented depression? Hindoo Kafir (I am bojitive)




All theje inventionj were ingredientj oph the blot. Why plame the boor kid? He dekho and he karo, like gandhi monkey.


oph courj, who invented Talipan? Yej, we did! put, that ij naat the boint.

Salaamj.

Al-Okullah.

Who is to Blame for Faisal Shahzad? Not Pakistan!!

Diyar thoughtfool readers. Beepul blame Pakistan for Faisal Shahzad, but I think that introspection is needed and an equal amount (if not more) of the blame is to be shared by the west and wimmens. Blease consider:

1. Faisal did *not* set off a bum as long as he was *not* driving a Nissan. 3 days after buying a Nissan, what habbens? He tries to set off a bum!! He might have been born and brought up in Pakistan with phamily and friends in Pakistan, BUT The connection between Jabanese car combanies and terror should be investigated. Also note that Taliban drives Toyota and Benazir was assassinated with a sunroof lever of a Toyota. Coincidence? I think not!!

2. Reliable sources tell me that Faisal visited miscreant chat rooms on the Internet. As it is well known, Al Gore invented the Internet. Al Gore’s policies are to blame for radicalizing vast numbers oph the Ummah.

3. Faisal was US citizen for 1 year, but married for 3 years. That is 300% more influence due to marrij!! All married wimmens should introsbect about why they cause young mild mannered men to become radicalized.

4. As anyone who has held a tank of Bropane in one hand and a Can of Petrol in the other hand at the same time can tell you, the next immediate unbearable urge is to set off a firebomb among the Kuffars. Knowing that Bropane and Petrol incites the bious, why do the Kuffars insist on selling them in the same shop? That should be introsbected. (Same argument to be used phor South Bark controverjy)

5. What is it about US universities & companies that attract people from all over the world (some of whom might end up setting off bums?). As any pious Mullah will tell you, the tembtation is to blame, not the berson who acts on the tembtation. US is to blame for the temptation to join these Universities and companies. This should be fixed in the US immediately if US wants to reduce terror.

6. Whether Pakistani terror groups “export” terror or whether these groups are contacted by willing recruits for training to “import” terror should be carefully thought about. The fact that irrespective of whether it is import or export, it ij done by Pakistani groups to a Pakistani, should not distract us from this introspection.

7. US society should sit up and take responsibility for their citizens committing terror (esbecially those who came out of their own will and became citijens through marrij) by arresting them and trying them in a court. Pakistanis will support them in this endeavor, just like we did with Aafiya.

8. Pakistan too will take responsibility like it always has by arresting and trying heads of extremist organizations (Exceptions are good Taalipaan, Strategic assets, Punjabi groubs, Cashmere groups, any groub that has ever killed a Shia)

9. Why are western Jihadis well educated & from upper middle class? This should be rectified immediately by awarding bulk visas to poor illiterate beepuls from tribal areas who wish to do Jihad.

10. The explanation that many people in Pakistan want to set off bombs in the US and only educated upper middle class people get a visa is Haraam. The assumption that educated upper middle class Pakistanis went to US and after that US society radicalized them is Halal.

As a ending note, I wish to point out that restricting Visas and Citijenship to suspected Pakistani extremists, will only strengthen the hands of extremists. Not blaming Pakistanis phor Pakistani terrorijsts trained in Pakistan camps is needed for beace in South Asia, Solving afghan broblem and strenghthening democrajy in Pakistan.

Also Quasab is not Pakistani.

Bower Generashun!! part 2

Kontinuing on the Prose by Jarnail Mahdi
pesh in khidmat oph the Jirga

Kehne ko Jashn-e-bahar hai
Pacquis yeh dekhke hairaan hai
Kehne ko Jashn-e-bahar hai
Pacquis yeh dekhke hairaan hai
Garibkhana se Bijjili khafa khafa hai gulshan mein
Chupa hai koi ranj bulb ki chilman mein
Sare kalee nazare hain
Soye soye vaqt ke sath mijjile dhare hain
Aur dil mein koi khoye si baatein hain
Kehne ko Jashn-e-bahar hai
Pacquis yeh dekhke hairaan hai.

Ooooo hooooo…

Salam

Bower Generashun!!

Eye kame akross a post by Jarnail Mahdi-e-Dera
on one unmenshunable phorum, eye think eet eez
wise to rebost here phor eternity, lest the
eez lost during inner load shedding.



Bicchar kurtesy NSN: Brand Ambassador of Heera Mandi Janab Yousaf Raza Gilani soliciting customers at Heera Mandi Naya Maal investment seminar..Lawhore


He said that a number of foreign investors were putting their money into Pakistan's energy sector. He said the government has plans to produce about 30,000 megawatts of electricity through coal-based power projects. Thirty three different teams have been set up so that they can travel around the world begging for free coal to run the power plants
After Gilani, the Minister for Water and Power Raja Pervez Ashraf's briefed the media about the summit in Islamabad. The minister said that the government would lead by example and reduce the usage of electricity in its own offices, Ashraf said that among the various measures to conserve power was the closure of all shops and other commercial entities by 8:00 pm. Only pharmacies and other medical stores would remain open after that time. He added that the use of decorative lights for commercial activities would be restricted as well.
Rakkit mards would be used as street lights instead of supermen fighting hindoo villans
Farting in public will be banned, instead there will be designated farting areas where Pakistanis can release their flatulence and the resultant gas can be used to generate electricity to light up Minar e Bakistan, the odour will be an added bonus and perhaps a fitting tribute to the idea of Bakistan.

Bakistan looks for new coach...

....bliss to be sending applicashun jaldi jaldi Mr.Chappal.

On this auspeeshias occashun, Mr Inzamam was heard saying, "Oye yaar, har saal naya banda kithe milta hai, mainoo hee bana lo. On second thoughts rehane do yaar paanch baar jhukna ab nahin hota." NSN reporter asked distinguished Australian Paki, Mr.Chappal if he wanted to be offered to the team. Mr.Chappal replied "No No Pakistan. Pakistani players always rubbing, bending and mounting during the training session. My arms pain when they do this!" On being kweschuned Mr Inzamam was heard saying "Oye yaar, Australians you know have an under arm problems and it stinks worse than Shoaib Akhtar"

DJinn takneeki

NSN(Isbecial report desk) There has been unkonfermed/rumers report oph LMU
transport lab developing new takneeki, since 400 saal ago. A prave NSN
korrospondent set out to set da matter right.

Eet was diskovered dat LMU Tranpoort Lab have indeed developed yand
testing a new takneeki in kave numper 420. Pliss to see peelow to kelear
da matter








"Djinn takneeki eej ujed to make da trucks to lie on da sides and saman eej loaded unloaded without the uje oph any infedel kranes.
Reberse Dijnn takneeki eej ujed to make da truck
upright." Grand Mullah LM klariphyied to astounded NSN korroponent.

Grand Ayotollah N^3 phurder klariphyied through Djinn phone from Gobi Desert,
dat de department eej konrently in developing a new Djin Takneeki which will enable
less bious and those who do not bath on Fridins to use, which will make eet available
deep yand wide.

Mulla Dilbula has already readied a new istamp phor Patent applikashun.
Mulla Nayak has assured NSN dat his department has deeply analized all
the aspect oph da project inkluding istastitik provided by Mulla MM, and deklared the
Takneeki absolutely safe.

NSN

Ball-Jeehaard Is Not Cheating

Guest bost By Rameej Raaja Phor the Bious. Hij column phor the Kuffars can be phound here

Ball-tambering, or Ball-Jeehard ij not cheating. It is legitmate resistance. One cannot wish ball tambering away, instead to end it, the "root causes" of ball tambering should be addressed. Ball tampering is because of the principled stand taken by Bakistani bowlerj who have lost everything to the oppression and domination of kuffar batsmen of other countriej. Pakistanij cannot play in their own country, and have lost all matches and do not own any trophiej. They are unembloyed, and humiliated by not being selected to IPL. In thij environment, the oppressed resort to any and all forms of legitimate rejistance. Like Ball-Jeehaard. Why is ball jeehaard condemned when Batsmen who are batting indulge in (international cricket) Council-terrorism by hitting sixers off of Pakistani bowlerj? A dramatic reduction in ball tambering can be achieved by statesman like gestures on the part of stronger teams-Like gifting the match to Pakistan.

Cricket is in the blood of Bakistanis and ball tampering wont end till the issue is resolved honorably by granting all matches to Pakistan.

Those who comblain of ball tambering by the Bakistanis forget history. The British, soon after they introduced cricket into the subcontinent for their own ulterior motives, left Pakistanis to fend for themselves and did not take an interest in giving Pakistanis money. That caused a "cricket bat" culture and Afridi comes from an upbringing of ball-tampering in this culture. Beepuls who are quick to condemn Pakistani ball tambering should note that Pakistan itself is a victim of ball tampering with several injidents reborted in all domestic matches. Pakistan did uje these ball tamberers to advanje its own agenda, however with the advent oph third umbires and camera, Pakistan decided to re-evaluate its strategic bolicy on ball tambering. It should be noted that currently Pakistani cricket board has no control over ball tamberers and does not train ball tamperers but only provides moral, diplomatic and political support to ball tampering.

The solution to eradicate the scourje of ball tambering from the subcontinent is to make sure that ball tambering is not taught in school textbooks of India, Bangladesh, Srilanka as well as Pakistan. To eliminate this threat, we should identify "good ball tamperers" from "bad ball tamperers" and let the good ball tamperers play because ball tamberers are endemic to cricket. In addition, other concessions like unilaterally awarding more overs to Pakistan in one day matches, moving boundary line inwards during Pakistan innings can be tried aljo.

Refujal to negotiate these boints will only strengthen hands oph ball tamberers.

Common Pakijtani Beepuls Greatest Charity Organization In The World!!!

Sourced Phrom Yawn Neuj:

From 1971 to 2009, State Bank of Bakistan haj donated money to the tune of Rs256 billion. The figures are brejented from 1971, becauje the modest State bank does not want boast the fact that their charity campaign accelerated from from 1997 to 2009 when they donated Rs202.5 billion to charity or about 80% oph total charity ever made in Pakistan betweeen 1971 and 2009.

Of theje, donations of Rs500,000 or more were made to 22,021 beneficiaries from 1997 to 2009 amounting to Rs202.5 billion. This figure was again brodujed to protect the haanaar and dignity oph 93 of those recibients who recieved Rs193.4 billion or about 96% oph all money donated between 1997 and 2009.

Thus, the 93 rejibients got 75% of all donations made since 1971 by all banks of Bakistan. These donations are aljo referred to as "loan write offs" by State Bank of Bakistan and in wejtern accounting bractices it ij referred to as "looting".

The 93 needy beepuls were identified through a comblex process of madrassa mathematics and beshawar bookkeeping by Shortcut Aziz after October 2002 elections to save their needy businesses. On asking why Rs193 billion waj donated, Shortcut Aziz said "Theje needy beepuls were identified by meticulously following the comblex chacha-bhateeja relationship to the ruling barty boliticians and Jernails. Prudenje demanded we donate more, but misunfortunately, Rs66 Billion had to be sbent on ejjucation in 2002". It ij to be noted that Bakistan could have made the sovirgin decision of donating the Rs66 billion too if not for IMF meddling.

Thij is a broud moment of common beepuls of Bakistan whose taxes amounting to 3 years of total ejjucation budget of the entire country were donated for charity for bettering the life of 93 beepuls.

Our staff reborter states that such generosity is not seen among Joos & Yindoos.

Yai Pea Yell - 3

AoA
last few dins hape been very grat kirkitwise,
TB(Team Bakistan not Tubercuolosis)had helped
TI from reigning long yat numper one, yand donated
a Test series to Gora clones, then absolutely
refused playing in Yai Pea Yell-3, much to the
discomphart oph ebil Bhartiyas and great mirth
oph pious Bakistan. Since a poetry is norm when
happy, pesh hai

The embers of anger,
Of ruthless exploitation,
The impotent anger arising
Of perennial nashunal bird dropping
Of crimes and commissions
Of the political masters
Is simmering slow
As the mussarraf is aglow
With Cricket's IPL-3 Show

The burns really hurt
After the last bid was over,
When the pangs of hunger
Returns with as vengeance,
And the moojahids surrenders
To the silence of terror
And life limps on
Without even the leftovers
Of the bountiful IPL-3 oppressors.

Salam.

Nashunal Bird

By the Plyons of the Nashunal Bird tossed
From the Wings where she fly under the Sun
Flew the Mijjile
To the kave where daylight is lost,
So it flew from the light of the Sun
And alone!

Oh Thou Who hast builded the Natshunal Bird,
Oh Thou Who hast lighted its Injin,
Oh Thou Who hast darkened the Kave,
Judge Thou
The sin of the Mijjile that was hurled
By the Natshunal Bird from the Plyons on the Wings,
As Moojahids sinks in the mire of the darkened Kave,
Even now--even now--even now!

OOOO! Bakistan

Bakistan is a wonderful Place,
where from moojahids get fame.
Some nonWKKs watching are tense,
When they see the moojahids hit the switch to Vakum plast.
Some WKKs buy tickets,
To embrace the Moojahids getting their raisns.
There is a AdM who works hard to concentrate,
Then there are Maulanas who tries to make him frustrate.
There was an Amir who always made the right decision,
To help Moojahids who are out to accomplish a mission.
But these days there is a lot of chaos in Bakistan,
Because the Moojahids deliberately tread on the toes.
I hope Amir is returned sincerely,
So that everyone can live it happily.

Pakistan beats Central African Repblic and wins Boxing Trophy...

Pakistan beats Central African Repblic and wins Boxing Trophy...
Nine more additions to pakistan iyat.




PAKISTAN, Karachi : Boxers from the Central African Republic and Cameroon pray during a conversion ceremony from Christianity to Islam in Karachi on January 5, 2010. Nine African boxers converted to Islam on the sidelines of an international boxing tournament in Pakistan on January 5, saying they were impressed by the humanity and righteous ways of the religion. The boxers flew to Karachi to compete in the contest named after Pakistan's assassinated former prime minister Benazir Bhutto and drawing participants from 20 countries around the world. AFP PHOTO/ ASIF HASSAN

Benis Khapayy!!

Diyar Mullaj and Mujahids,
Rapid IED muparaks in Benistan annexxe haj caused many mujahids to become gayab.
Bhat in the name of Allah haj the situashun come to? Boor state of Bakistan now mirrors boor state of Benistan.

Grand mullahs Shreeman and Amir E hab been long lapata. They must have gone to FATA.
No neuj of many biraders. They must have gone to Gwadar.
Aj a rejult, Benistan has become like Liaqat Ali gate displayed oopar tasvir.
In Bakistan, everydin Zardari das perceni says "Bakistan khapay", "Cash amir khappay" this khapay , that khapay. Bhy for mujahids with valid vija have deserted Benis and plog?