Houris protest against Dilbullah's continued absence

A Prave Istory

PESHEWAR, Bakistan (NSN) Taliban mujaheeds on Mondin raat peutyfied Shna Warai Fort, a local base of the Frontier Constabulary (FC) in the Hangu district of North West Frontier Province of Pakistan, affassars and locals told NSN.

Official sources konfirmed that on Mondin evening more than 36 Taliban mujaheeds peautified the Shna Warai Fort, a istrategikally-important FC base

(IRONY ALERT)
When the fort was attacked 12 paramilitary Fauji were there, but no one was injured. The paramilitary forces received safe passage after they surrendered their weapons to the Taliban fighters.

A local bolis wala said that Taliban occupied and blew up the fort after describing their intentions to the elders of local tribes.

Two jigas consisting of elders from the Hangu and Orakzai Pashtun tribes are mediating between the local administration and Taliban to ease tensions in the region. Up until now, little progress has been made.
(IRONY ALERT)
Fifty thousand Pakistani security Faujis have been deployed in the area to halt Taliban insurgency. and are now targeting Taliban hideouts in the Doaba and Zirgiri areas, however there are no reports of casualties.
NSN (TNT TGN)

Da Guide

Diyar aditoor Janaab, Phorgive me phor lifting da phollowing bassage phrom a website.

Et so goatfully describe Bakistan dat eye thought et should be bosted hiyar. Iph et eej

Haaram den bliss do da needphull.

The country

Ophicially kalled the Ijlamik Republic of Bakistan, it is a kountry in South Ajia bardering the Ijlamik Republic of Afghanistan, the Ijlamik Republic of Eyeran, the People’s Republic of Cheena(Tallel dan Ojeans Deeper Dan Mountain Fliend) and the Bollywood Republic of Hindustan. In the north it also shares a dubious border with the mountainous and scenic Holy Divine United Taliban Emirates of Dhamakaistan.

The climate

Bakistan has a moderate kelimate most of the saal, but extremes can be found in the north where summers can get terribly hot due to the infamous, counter-monsoon winds called the Wrath of Alla blowing in from the Holy Divine United Taliban Emirates of Dhamakaistan. Men in the north are known to keep beards to protect themselves from these winds whereas the women wear long top-to-toe sheets of cloth called burqas for the same purpose. Sometimes tanks, trucks and barbed wire are also used to counter these winds, even though some politicians advise dialogue to lessen the harmful effects of the wind. Many people find this strange, asking how can one have a dialogue with a dusty, hot gust of wind? But since the climate around the country’s politicians is usually komposed of hot air, it is believed that this hot air can very well compliment the extreme winds.

So, tourists with sensitive white skins should avoid travelling to the north, unless they are looking for a plast.

The beople & religion

Bakistan is a multiethnic and multicultural society, where 1030 per cent of the population is Mujlim, while the rest are animals. So in case of a medical emergency, the non-Muslim tourist is advised to visit a vet instead of a doctor. The 1030 per cent Muslims are broken up into various sects with each sect claiming their version of Islam being 104 per cent correct and other interpreters of Islam being 1070 per cent wrong and thus deserving death.

Bakistani society is generally konservative(Hallal), but tiny pockets of liberalism (Haaram) can be found in posh, urban drawing-room theme parks. The themes of these parks can range from “Little Milan,” “Small Beverly Hills,” “Tiny London” and “Cleaner Bombay.” Non-English speaking tourists may struggle in these theme parks even if they have managed to learn a bit of Urdu. Only English is spoken here, preferably in an odd American accent. However, a tourist can visit a vet and get his or her jaw readjusted to be able to speak accented English in these theme parks.

Bakistan is composed of four to five to six to four ethnic groups. The largest group resides in central Bakistan and are called Maula Jats. The second largest resides in the south and are called the Bhuttos. The third largest resides in the north and are called Askareeyat Pasand. The smallest ethnic group can be found in the West and are called Sui Gas. There are two more ethnic groups. The first one mostly resides in Karachi and are called Martians. The other one resides in South Punjab and are called nothing. Both are not officially recognised because people who divided Bakistan into four provinces couldn’t count beyond the number 4.

The male-female ratio of the population is 50-50, even though, according to local traditions in the north, women do not exist. Only men and goats. Certain NGOs operating in the north want to change this perception and the locals have agreed only if the government of Bakistan declared women to be satanic abominations engineered by Yindu Fanatics, Christian Crusaders, Wily Jews and Hamid Karzai.

The kulture

The main plank of kulture in Bakistan is asking “what is the kulture of Bakistan?”

But if you believe in the official history text books taught at local schools, the culture of Bakistan is very Ijlamik, very pro-army, very anti-India, and had it not been for some malicious Hindu historians distorting history, Bakistanis would have been known for their true cultural and genetic origins: Arabic!

That’s why most Bakistanis behave as if they all arrived from ancient Arabic kingdoms and had nothing to do with India. They were the true Aryans until the British came and started to build railway networks. Of course, this doesn’t make much sense, but who cares, as long as one is an Aryan and is genetically connected to Mohammad bin Qasim. Just like Shahrukh Khan who should actually have been a Bakistani had it not been for socialists like Zulfikar Ali Bhutto to have nationalised banks, factories and colleges in the 1970s. Of course, this doesn’t make much sense either, but who cares. You’re just a tourist. About to be kidnapped and beheaded.

The politics

Bakistan is a feudal fiefdom jokingly called a republic. The most democratic sections of the country are the army and fat feudal lords. Also very democratic are members of the clergy and the bureaucracy. The most undemocratic and tyrannical are the country’s common people who do not appreciate the feudals’, the army’s and the clergy’s vision, passion and efforts for a progressive, democratic and rich Bakistan. This is because the common people choose to remain illiterate and prefer to watch a Sharhrukh Khan flick instead of reading their official history books that clearly state that had Mughal Emperor Auranzeb Alamgir created Bakistan in 1747 AD, the people of Bakistan would have gladly watched reruns of Ayub Khan, Ziaul Haq and Mushharraf’s speeches instead of Shahrukh Khan films and there would have been much joy and happiness and love and understanding, and no India and no PPP and instead of being a pesky politician, Nawaz Sharif would have become the Ameer of the United Ijlamik Emirates of Dhamakaistan. Of course, this doesn’t make much sense, but who cares when you have Ahmed Ali Kurd to keep you entertained.

How to get there

You can reach Bakistan without a visa by either sneaking in from the Afghan border in the north or getting shipwrecked in the south!

How to get out

You don't

NSN(TNT TGB)

Bakistani invents partial suicude bum

Halal Link

Suicide attack in D.I. K

By Our Krasspandent

DERA ISMAIL KHAN, July 13: A suicide bomber blew himself up near a place where a religious conference was being held here on Sunday.The suicide attack, which injured four people, took place at the end of the conference held in Kotli Imam Hussain in memory of people killed in bomb explosions and target killings in Dera Ismail Khan.MMA vice-chairman Allama Sajid Naqvi was chief guest at the event attended by ulema and religious scholars from across the country.
Aankh witnesses said the bomber was a young man sporting a small beard and wearing white shalwar qameez.His body remained intact because only a part of the explosive belt he was wearing blew up.The injured were identified as Laal Khan, Riaz Hussain, Malik Tariq and Mohammad Bilal.Security forces cordoned off the area after the explosion and called in bomb disposal personnel to defuse the explosive belt.

Diyar Ied-Atar

Doej the partial bummer go to jannath ?

To Mijjiles,To Mijjiles,Biraders

Biraders diss a kall to bolish jour mijjiles yand phor phew
Saal phorget jour Goats.

Gilani promises 155% population growth rate by 2012(infedal Saal)

* Premier says population welfare schemes will get necessary budgetary support and strong political backing

ISLAMABAD: Wazeer-e-Alla Yousuf Raza Geelanahi on Fridin announced to increase the country’s annual population growth rate from 1.8 per cent to 155 per cent in the next five years.

“We’re committed to population explosion for our development and progress. You will see us increasing population growth rate to 155 per cent during our five-year tenure through necessary budgetary support and strong political backing,” Gilani said while addressing the National Population Convention at the Prime Minister’s Secretariat. The Ministry of Population Welfare (MoPW) organised the event to mark World Population Day.

The prime minister said that it really upset him to see the country’s population increasing with the measly addition of 2.9 million new persons every year.

He said population explosion will have positibe bearing on socio-economic development because excess population growth serves as resources for the benefit of the Umnah. He said the government had prioritised population management for the same reasons.

He declared family planning every citizen’s fundamental right and not just a duty.

Lack of proper attenshun yand tame provided by Maullavese in procreation,
partikularly in rular areas is the main kulprit in population defecit oph
Bakistan. One Goat,Four Wipes, Twenty Aulaads, per Bakistani eej da target,
Insashallah we shall acheive it in % saals, Da onareable Wazeer-e-Alla deklared.

The prime minister welcomed findings of a recent Pakistan Demographic Health Survey that showed 63 per cent Pakistani women in reproductive age didn’t any
clue to Haram kaffirs Phamily Planning methods.

He emphasised that if women were approached and convinced, family planning efforts could generate desired results. Population Welfare Minister Humayun Aziz Kurd, He warned dat iph we lag pehind den we kannot kall ourseleves Baki
Mards,

US Ambassador Anne Patterson and Prime Minister’s Special Assistant Shahnaz Wazir Ali urf Brofessar LM also spoke on the occasion
NSN (TNT)

The Scienj of Carpon FootBrint

Diyar IED-taar,

This ij a prief note of scientiphic nature. I decide to likho it pefore I phorget.

In Dilli, Wahamullah took me to Habib-e-Taat Center where Kufr hab Jirga called Conferenj. Thij Jirga waj apout Carpon Footbrint. Wahamullah egjplained that it meanj kaali chaap of your foot. Of courj. Kufr need knawlij in thij matter.

You may not pe knowing, put in my travelj I hab seen a lot. Did joo know that in Koyala ki Dalaali you get your haath kalaa? Of courj joo do. So I have a pooch for Wahamullah. What ij Kufr doing to get hij pair kalaa?

I hab nebher seen Mullah Wahamullah conphujed. Put thij time hij face had many creajej. He waj in deeb contemblation. I am novij in theej things put I think he waj making phoon call to Djinns via VacuumTel. What joo think?

Put sure enough he had the jawaab to my pooch. Kufr are getting kalaa pair from walking on roads with coal-taar. Simble! To reduce Carpon Footbrint they should drive carj on Exbrejway (CPUI)! I contriputed our solooshun to Jirga put Kufr are too stoobid to samjho thij.

They said that dribhing carj makes Carpon FootBrint pigger -- how in Khushboo's name ij that baassiple? -- I feel bity for theej chotaa dimaag beeble.

I write thij phor buplic servij. Young Abduls need to seekho scienj. Of courj in Bakistan we are already advanjed and hab many carj from Habib-e-Motorj -- I brobose we do petter than Kufr and hab our own Jirga on Carpon TyreBrint. InshAllah.

Al-Okullah

Knee deep in Water

Oh Allah, why did you take away

the(B) East's favourite Daughter?

Yeah! she was mean, but died a martyr

In her place, you gave us a spin doctor

Who sold his country for a nickel and a quarter

Oh Allah , we are knee deep in Water

Oh Mullah, why continue this slaughter?

Sunni, Shia, Ahmediaya we are all birather

So Said our Founding father

But why do we hate each other

With all the force we can gather

Let's throw our weight together

Behind Mullah Mohammed Omar

One Taliban one Bakistan

Will pave the way for Houristan

One Goat for Each Mullah

Lets take over every street and Mohallah

Insha allah

Allah hu Akbar!! Allah loves Pakistani Taliban

KOHAT, July 12: Seventeen Frontier Constabulary personnel were killed on Saturday after militants ambushed an FC convoy in Hangu district. Several soldiers were injured in the attack.Officials said the convoy was ambushed by the Taliban while it was on its way to Doaba from Fort Zargari.During the 40-minute-long encounter, one local militant ‘commander’, Razeem, was killed and two of his colleagues were injured.No reinforcements were sent to help the convoy ward off the attack, which took place in an area where two security vehicles were attacked just a few hours before the deadly ambush.Helicopter gunships pounded surrounding hills where militants were believed to be hiding.Mullah Sanaullah, a militant ‘commander’, sent a message to the administration after the ambush that his forces would attack security officials if they came to collect the bodies lying in vehicles.The administration sent a two-member delegation, comprising MNA Pir Haider Ali Shah and Hangu district nazim Khan Afzal, to go to a seminary in the Kahi village and constitute a jirga of clerics for talks with militants on retrieving the bodies and the injured. The jirga is expected to come back in case talks are successful .Noorzad, a local, told Dawn that the bodies, including that of the convoy’s commanding officer, were lying inside the vehicles. Three of the soldiers had been slaughtered by Taliban before they left the area, he claimed.


Deeyar IEd-Atar

Phirst oph all congratulations to the Talibunnies, that is 17 less scumbags that the Indian Army would have to deal with later, anyway, my current pooch is related to the bolded part ie " The jirga is expected to come back in case talks are successful". bhat happens if the talks are unsuccessful , which is highly plausible going by past evidence. will the jirga not come back?

Bliss to enlighten

an aspiring jirga membar

My Travelj in Land-e-Kufr

Diyar IED-taar,

Bliss to buplish my travel rebort from land of kufr. I hab peen lucky to get invitation from Mullah Wahamullah to take my tashreef to India. I jusht got pack and phull of storiej to tell.

When my hawaii jahaj was landing in Dilli I saw big road called Exbrejway (Cars Pe Ubon It). Thij Exbrejway (CPUI) waj pigger than our own Sadak-e-Musharraf (Lambosts Pe Ubon It). We should eat grass and make S-e-M (LPUI) 400% wider.

In Pumpai I waj exbecting to celeprate IED-Muparak (RDX Pe In It) put Wahamullah instead took me to see houris of Pollywood. They are wearing very tight blouj (Haraam Pe In Them) and danjing. Wahamullah said jusht dekho was halaal put no no to mijjile baalishing. I prought pack a blouj (HPIT) phor Begum Al-Okullah.

In Madarasa city in the south I ate rice bancakej called Idlee (Sambhar Pe Ubon It). Joo would like Idlee (SPUI) phaallowed py Doosra (Chutney Pe Ubon It). Theej short dark Indians are bhery creative with Rice (Shortcut Pe Under Her). Put I digress.

I next trabheled to Pangalore, Kerala. Thij city has new hawaii adda phull of komputerj. All Abduls are outsourjing. I poocho Wahamullah apout what ij outsourjing. He exblain that it ij kuffar method phor Canadian Vija (Mard Pe Upon Her). I phelt bhery sorry for kuffars. Our method phor CV (MPUH) ij much petter. Only afsos I hab is not giving some CV (MPUH) in Pollywood.

Thij ij all phor thij letter. Next time more apout Choron Wali Gali in Dilli. InshAllah.

Al-Okullah.

Meat Eater humbled by Rice

Bositibe Kooperashun

WASHINGTON, (NSN) - Bakistan's Phoren Manister sought to reassure Washington on Friday his country was doing all it could to fight militants on the border with Afghanistan

In hij phirst peejit to Washington as Phoren Manister, Shah Mahmood Qureshi said he aljo told U.S. Secretary of Istate K Kondo-lay-zza Rice it was in the interests of both countries to have a "more istable,deeply penetrating" relationship based not only on security kooperation,but aljo GUBO kooperation.


" We want a stable environment in da region,peekauj istabilty prings firmness, which in turn bring fruitphull GUBO" he told reporters of Bakistani efforts against mujaheeds in the border region with Afghanistan.


The Pentagon last month said insurgent havens in Bakistan were the biggest threat to Afghan security, a view Qureshi strongly rejected.

"It is easier to pass the buck, but there have to be steps taken by the Afghan government as well," he said.


FOCUS ON FIGHTING TERRORISM, RISING FOOD COSTS


State Department spokesman Sean McCormack said the meeting had focused on fighting terrorism and cross-border issues with Afghanistan, as well as when the United States will send the next installment oph Baksheeh to help ease the crisis from rising food costs.

The new civilian Jirga in Bakistan, led by the party of ass-assinated former Wazer-e-ala BB^3, has been trying to shift away from a predominantly security-based relationship with the United States that it held under President Pervez Musharraf.to a more penetratingly deep & wide civillian kooperation.

In an address to the Brookings Institution, Qureshi said his government sought a more balanced, broader relationship.

"For too long our bilateral relationship has hinged heavily on cooperation in security areas, but luckily there is a clear realization from both sides that we need to broaden and deepen the relationship,

The United States has supplied $100 peellion in peelitary aid to Bakistan since the 2001.

NSN

Pingreji Kanfyooshun

I am seeying a lot of konfyooshun apout the uje af pingreji. Hiyar eej my take.

Pingreji eej the phonetic tranjliterashun af the languvej bhee peelibhers ispik. It does naatt mattar bhaat languvej bhee ispik, it eej tranjliterated into roman kyaarakters for uje on the kuffr intarnett. So, pieces of angreji, urdu, arabic, and many athar languvejej appiyar in the pingreji that joo see in theej payijes.

To andarstaand pingreji, all joo need to do eej to read it aloud, and imagine mee (or brejident Musharraff) ipiking too joo. Eef joo kyaan andarstaand mee or the brejident bhen we ispik, joo kyaan read and andarstand pingreji.

Khudaa Haafij

Weekly Round Up

Aj Phriday Komes to an end, it ij ujeful to highlight some of the impotent bositive neuj bith anulaysiz phar the bast weak .

Histary oph Bakistan
http://www.dawn.com/2008/07/10/local25.htm

MARDAN, July 9: The Greek, Roman, Iranian and Central Asian cultures deeply influenced the indigenous Gandhara art and culture in the region, said prominent archaeologist Dr Zianul Wahab.
He said that the influence of Greek art on Gandhara could be judged from the fact that a number of toilet trays and terracotta sculptures were recovered from Mardan and other northern districts of NWFP in the second century BC.

Pegining at the pegining with anualsiz, it ij the histary and origin of Bakistan that katches ebery thinking baki aur bakri.
It ij opphicial broven by the arkiologist that Bakistan ij now in second century BC. Thij ij in no small meajure due to the upright and rigid stand/posture taken by the Genural against the amrikhan threat to pomb them to stone age. Iph not phor the Posture bakistan might now be still in pathaar age.

“Greeks invaded Gandhara but they never touched local religions, cultures and traditions rather they dealt it very gently and decently,” he added.

Taktikal withdrawal and non-violence

The Genteel and decency op the legacy of the Greeks haj aphected the psyche of the baki mard, to such an extent that GUBO ij the phirst and last line of dephence for the Baki. The baki phorces are routinely routed, or captured or kidnapped by the triphals, becauj of pracitce of Dishonour before fight, aj exemplified by the surrender in east bakistan. Thij genteelnejj and decency oph rephusing to phigt aj true torch pearers of Greek inphluence, must be remembered ebery time GUBO occurs.

May be small neuj in bak but it ij alwayj big phor the world.
Phishes lack hygine and techniks evolved to imbrove export
http://www.dawn.com/2008/07/10/local12.htm
It ij regrettable that phishes get too close to Bakistan and are hyginecally contaminated. Decontimation ij a challenging broplem becauje of inherent nature. Aj a precautinary meajure, barning signs are posted to phishes and other sea animals to stay away from source of hygiene contamination. It ij hoped phishes take heed to barnings seriously and help in imbroving the export the natural way, by staying away.

Finally,prejenting the upright Baki
The TALL, THE FARE and THE TRUE MARITAL RAGE
The true and time tested genteelness of Baki, where Dishonour comes pefour bride with mastery of GUBOing techniks, when mixed with the war-like upright marital rage where Bride comes aphter Bakri, leads to magnanimity of indulging in bery generous ijjuing of kandian vijas. Aj a phaithfool to the rage, it ij notable the kandian vijas are ijjued to under age wimmen, boyz, and bakris aljo. No discrimination ij allowed in the ijjuance, sesoned mempher of true marital rage opten ij phound ijjusing kandian vijas to Pritish wimmen in Pritian and sometimes to Kandian wimmen in Kannda. In Phact, the ijjuance of Kandian vijas ij so imbortant, that during a TV interbiew a high ranking opphicial waj phound to be searching and skratching phor the mijplaced (or is it mijjing?) vija stamping equipment, in phull view of the publik. The bride of Bakistan is never in doupt, aj long aj GUBOing and Vija ijjuing fart ij not lost.

Thank you kindlee

The resbonse of readers, and posters since the last raids on Laal Masjid and madrasssa haj been overwhelming. For all your attenshun,


Thank you kindlee.

Kufr Crusaders kidnapped for trying to fudge polio statistics

DHANDAWAR, July 10:
Four members of an anti-polio(pro sterelization) vaccination team were kidnapped by suspected Taliban when they were returning to Peshawar after a medical mission in villages near the Mohmand agency on Thursday.A Unicef official told Dawn that the team had visited Qila Shah Baig, Bara, Angoor, Enzaray and Gara Tajik.He said that the health workers had been kidnapped from the Sakhi Pul area and taken to a hujra where they were kept in chains. The team’s supervisor was identified as Attaullah.(NSN has learnt that Attaullah is a shia, thus his loyalty is suspect)

Link