Diyar Mullaj,

Blij to issue Fatwas in your masjids. Thij ij haraam. There can be no Love petween countries. True love ij only bossiple petween a mullah and hij goat.

SooSai Vest

before I left the house
I told my son
that evening
I was going
to the First Artillery Force Madarssa of Engineering
to talk to a group of students learning how to make soosai vests
about poetry
I told him: what you have to do
is behave yourself
and stay put
until your mother gets home

that evening
after I’d gone
my son must have been confused
he couldn’t figure out
how his father
who could only talk about poetry
had the right
to go and lecture
people who would one day be making soosai vests
soosai vests were so awesome
while poetry was stuff like
“Before my bed there is bright moonlight . . .”*

three hours later
when I got back
my wife was already home
my son was still not in bed
he asked me
if I had seen any soosai vests
no, I said, and added:
I had seen the money and that was fine
I handed him
an envelope given to me by a colonel
he counted the money in it
then said to me
next time, go and give a talk
to people making Atim Bums
they’re sure to give you even more

AoA

Bostcard from the Edge (of civilization)

Diyar Mullahs,

Blij to maaf karo laang absenj phrom Plog. I waj with Mullah Wahamullah in a Phata-phut tour of FATA.

I have dekho some peautifool lands and even more peautifool goats. However, Bakistani Fauj is engaging in haraam activity. Even so, our birathers are busy placing Welcome Mats all along the roads. Phor some reason, they are digging holes and placing these mats underground.

I poocho Wahamullah and he said, "It ij phor IED Mubarak". I don't samjho put the great Mullah (Goats Pe Ubon Him) ij naat alwayj eejee to understand.

We witnessed some extensive building improvements underway in schools for wimmens. So far, brogress is good. The demolition phase of the work is niyarly comblete. Wahamullah sej that I don't samjho again -- the entire broject ij niyarly comblete. The great Mullah (Beard May Grow on Him) did not exblain.

We also dekho the national Bird of FATA. It waj flying very high in aasmaan. The biratherj told us that some timej the bird sends fire phrom the sky. I don't pelieve it put Wahamullah sej "petter pelieve it chotae, or the Drone will vijit you at night". Again the great Mullah (Fatwas May Isuue from Him) sboke in riddles.

Thij ij it phor this letter. Next week I will rebort on Waziristan.

Many Salaams,

Abdul Al-Okullah