CONFIRMED: NO RAILWAY TRACKS WERE BLOWN UP ANY WHERE IN PAKISTAN YESTERDAY (02/27/2007).
http://www.dawn.com/2007/02/28/nat.htm
Congratulations! You have not done it yesterday!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
New cultural initiatives planned during visit Pakistan year
Cultural Desk, NSN (whenever we hear back from the editors), Islamabad:
In light of the government initiative to promote world knowledge about Pakistan's enlightenment with the visit Pakistan year 2007, several steps have been taken to promote Pakistan's positive image. "We have to fight back all this negativity coming from beyond our borders", said an official. He noted that Pakistan would like to maintain peaceful relations with all its neighbors, just like its southern border. "There has hardly been a storm in the last decade, since President Musharraf took office", pointed out the official. He suggested other nations take note of the sea's calm tendencies.
At the press conference scheduled to expose to the press hard and firm facts about the visit Pakistan initiative, the minitry of tourism and culture officials pointed to the recent festivals (see agency reports), including occasions such as Basant (See agency report) which are pre-islamic traditions and serve to moderately elighten the world about Pakistan's diverse culture. They also pointed to the improvements in travel infrastructure in Pakistan (see agency reports), and additional funds provided for the upkeep of historical monuments. The mechanism for maintaining these monuments is currently being streamlined (see earlier agency report). The government is also working in providing public with the motivation to improve rail travel (see agency reports). "We save on the expenses for removal of old tracks by involving the people", said a railways official. He added that the government was environmentally sensitive and cares deeply about recycling.
Readers will also note the recent popularity of Pakistani theatre, especially since the authorities are overriding objections from militant islamist hard line fundamentalist tribal leaders' objections and allowing upto six songs in all plays, well over and above the legal limit of three. "We would like to reduce the red tape, and make it easier for artists to perform", said an official. In some cases, the correspondent notes, authorities have looked the other ways even at artists performing in half-sleeves. "Given the foreign audience intended, we are trying to project tolerance, and moderation", said the official, who also warned against publishing the fact in this report. "Some may think you are acting against Pakistan's interest", the official noted quietly.
Pakistan has recently seen good news (see agency report) that officials believe will provide useful legal precedent for protecting Pakistan's interests in the future. "We believe we have a stronger case than serbia", said a foreign office spokesman, "in the matters of partition, Bangladesh, North West Frontier Province, Baltistan, and Baluchistan". He said Pakistan would use its full diplomatic prowess if FATA or Waziristan ever become an issue.
Pakistan is the fifth largest receipient of US aid. That aid has been under some threat, especially since vice-president Chaney's visit where he found that Pakistan's president did not grasp the hard facts firmly. Pakistan is the largest buyer of chinese arms, mostly funded through US aid. With porous, hard to police, mountainous, sparsely populated and unfriendly northern, eastern, and western borders, Pakistan considers the purchases essential to maintaining an impregnable defense against hegemonic neighbors.
------------------
Advertise in this space (contact NSN editors)
To come: Pakistan plans to promote goat rearing as exhibition sport at the Asian Games
In light of the government initiative to promote world knowledge about Pakistan's enlightenment with the visit Pakistan year 2007, several steps have been taken to promote Pakistan's positive image. "We have to fight back all this negativity coming from beyond our borders", said an official. He noted that Pakistan would like to maintain peaceful relations with all its neighbors, just like its southern border. "There has hardly been a storm in the last decade, since President Musharraf took office", pointed out the official. He suggested other nations take note of the sea's calm tendencies.
At the press conference scheduled to expose to the press hard and firm facts about the visit Pakistan initiative, the minitry of tourism and culture officials pointed to the recent festivals (see agency reports), including occasions such as Basant (See agency report) which are pre-islamic traditions and serve to moderately elighten the world about Pakistan's diverse culture. They also pointed to the improvements in travel infrastructure in Pakistan (see agency reports), and additional funds provided for the upkeep of historical monuments. The mechanism for maintaining these monuments is currently being streamlined (see earlier agency report). The government is also working in providing public with the motivation to improve rail travel (see agency reports). "We save on the expenses for removal of old tracks by involving the people", said a railways official. He added that the government was environmentally sensitive and cares deeply about recycling.
Readers will also note the recent popularity of Pakistani theatre, especially since the authorities are overriding objections from militant islamist hard line fundamentalist tribal leaders' objections and allowing upto six songs in all plays, well over and above the legal limit of three. "We would like to reduce the red tape, and make it easier for artists to perform", said an official. In some cases, the correspondent notes, authorities have looked the other ways even at artists performing in half-sleeves. "Given the foreign audience intended, we are trying to project tolerance, and moderation", said the official, who also warned against publishing the fact in this report. "Some may think you are acting against Pakistan's interest", the official noted quietly.
Pakistan has recently seen good news (see agency report) that officials believe will provide useful legal precedent for protecting Pakistan's interests in the future. "We believe we have a stronger case than serbia", said a foreign office spokesman, "in the matters of partition, Bangladesh, North West Frontier Province, Baltistan, and Baluchistan". He said Pakistan would use its full diplomatic prowess if FATA or Waziristan ever become an issue.
Pakistan is the fifth largest receipient of US aid. That aid has been under some threat, especially since vice-president Chaney's visit where he found that Pakistan's president did not grasp the hard facts firmly. Pakistan is the largest buyer of chinese arms, mostly funded through US aid. With porous, hard to police, mountainous, sparsely populated and unfriendly northern, eastern, and western borders, Pakistan considers the purchases essential to maintaining an impregnable defense against hegemonic neighbors.
------------------
Advertise in this space (contact NSN editors)
To come: Pakistan plans to promote goat rearing as exhibition sport at the Asian Games
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
MORE good news
RAIL TRACK TO BE RENOVATED IN BUGTISTAN
| Quote: |
By Saleem Shahid QUETTA, Feb 26: The main railway track near Dera Murad Jamali, some 250km east of here, was ****** ** late on Monday night, ******* rail link between the provincial capital and rest of the country for a second time in 24 hours. "At least three feet of the rail track near village Sona Khan Bugti (WILL BE RRENOVATED) |
HMEHPPGPM thinks aloud
"I never know what to wear when I see Dick": General Musharraf
Rawalpindi Feb 26: In a surprise visit to Pakistan, American vice president Dick Cheney gave a strongly worded message to Musharraf before the two of them spent the rest of the day in a hot tub in General Musharraf's military harem in Rawalpindi. Inside sources say that the US VP's message to musharraf included the phrases "touch me there, you hot hunk", though western analysts are certain that the message was firm, strong, and a lot of Dick's point got through to the Pakistani General.
In a private interview with NSN before the VP's arrival, His Royal Highness, President General Musharraf deigned to give us a taste of his tryst with Dick. Dictator General Musharraf stated: "America has been holding back on aiding and assisting Pakistan in becoming on e of the top most powers in the world. We want the world and we got Dick instead. But let it not be said that Pakistan, under my virile and firm leadership, was unable to stroke Dick to get the best for Pakistan. The Pakistani army is very experienced in that arena and our firm and upright military traditions stop us from saying any more. Please tell your readers at NSN that (US VP) Dick may be firm but the Pakistani army has handled firmer stuff and we are not about to stop now".
Shortly before leaving for the reception in honour of the US VP, General Musharraf held a pre-reception dressing-up get together, where the entire Pakistani military leadership and most of the civilian leadership watched Musharraf try out various dresses, including a sultry looking nightgown designed by Giorgio Armani, which was voted the favourite by the crowd, but was considered a little too intimate for a first date. As a token of Pakistan's deep and enduring friendship for America, the General presented a third-generation Goat from his family farm to the US vice president.
--NSN Staff Report.
---------------------------------------------------
NSN Paid Advertisement:
Stuck with the ugliest goat in your neighbourhood?
Visit Fauji Cosmetics and Salons
Let the inner beauty of your Goat blind you.
10% discount for all Pakistani Armed Forces Personnel.
Paid for by: Fauji Cattle Cosmetics Inc.
Rawalpindi Feb 26: In a surprise visit to Pakistan, American vice president Dick Cheney gave a strongly worded message to Musharraf before the two of them spent the rest of the day in a hot tub in General Musharraf's military harem in Rawalpindi. Inside sources say that the US VP's message to musharraf included the phrases "touch me there, you hot hunk", though western analysts are certain that the message was firm, strong, and a lot of Dick's point got through to the Pakistani General.
In a private interview with NSN before the VP's arrival, His Royal Highness, President General Musharraf deigned to give us a taste of his tryst with Dick. Dictator General Musharraf stated: "America has been holding back on aiding and assisting Pakistan in becoming on e of the top most powers in the world. We want the world and we got Dick instead. But let it not be said that Pakistan, under my virile and firm leadership, was unable to stroke Dick to get the best for Pakistan. The Pakistani army is very experienced in that arena and our firm and upright military traditions stop us from saying any more. Please tell your readers at NSN that (US VP) Dick may be firm but the Pakistani army has handled firmer stuff and we are not about to stop now".
Shortly before leaving for the reception in honour of the US VP, General Musharraf held a pre-reception dressing-up get together, where the entire Pakistani military leadership and most of the civilian leadership watched Musharraf try out various dresses, including a sultry looking nightgown designed by Giorgio Armani, which was voted the favourite by the crowd, but was considered a little too intimate for a first date. As a token of Pakistan's deep and enduring friendship for America, the General presented a third-generation Goat from his family farm to the US vice president.
--NSN Staff Report.
---------------------------------------------------
NSN Paid Advertisement:
Stuck with the ugliest goat in your neighbourhood?
Visit Fauji Cosmetics and Salons
Let the inner beauty of your Goat blind you.
10% discount for all Pakistani Armed Forces Personnel.
Paid for by: Fauji Cattle Cosmetics Inc.
A jop abblikashun
| mahendra wrote: |
Also, I yam very imbressed by new but yet un-official reborter Sulaiman Al-jharkhandi, I think he should apply to the higher up and aboves at NSN Muridke Head office. |
To:
The Hadithars,
NSN News Agency
LaHore, Islamapad, and other major cities
Supject: Abblikashion for embloymant
Diyar Sirs:
Salaam. Bliss to konsider my abblikashion for bozishiun for the bost of rebortar, kultural. I bromise to wurk hardest to pring wurld wide attenshun to bakistani kulture of kite-flying, goat-rearing, visa abblikashuns, and mizzile bolishing if selected.
Bliss kunsider salary konsummate with exberiyance. A pio-data is included for your repherence.
AoA,
Hidhayath Al-Beshawari
Unyembloyed
aged
ex-reborter for severul nashunal dailies
Pio Data
======
Name: Hidayath Al-Beshawari
Age : Old
Sex : Not in some time
Qualifikashions:
Graduate in History, Beshawar
Diploma in Bakistani Languages, Binuri Madarsa
Exberience:
1. Reborter for nashionul daily until late night visit by masked men
2. Using burka to travel aphter that, avoiding all back-channels.
3. Ex-agent for sindikated kolumnists Iask Yamir and M. Shirleen Mazhaki
4. Signibhikant experiyance in kultural reborting inkluding bress awards for reborting kamel feshtival and goat rearing ceremony
Monday, February 26, 2007
Culture Thrives in Pakistan
Culture Thrives in Pakistan (Name Withheld, Agencies)
With the visit Pakistan year initiative promoted by the Ministries of Tourism and Culture, impressive strides have been made to promote ancient culture (see authoritative publications), and the fair, moderate , and enlightened leanings of pakistanis (also see early agency reports on festivals, women's empowerment, and entertainment). Officials see these endeavors as essential to improving Pakistan's image abroad. The Minister of Tourism, Ms Nilofer Bakhtiar, has been dispatched to friendly countries to publicise the visit pakistan initiative. To create infrastructure for visiting tourists, Pakistan Internation Airlines has also decided to upgrade its fleet (see earlier agency story), and even the courts are getting involved in promoting the positive image (agency report).
To be even friendlier to the diverse culture of the tourists set to throng pakistan, the government has relaxed several regulations and even turned a blind eye towards the routine flouting of number of dances in urdu plays. While three dances were considered sufficient for the sexual satisfaction of the pakistanies, it seems foreign tourists want to see no less than five or six dances in each play (agency report). There has been some controversy about the flouting of the laws (agency report) although officials are confident that it will come to pass. A tourism official said, "we are a democratic country, and everyone is entitled to their views". Political parties routines express diverse views ( agency report ) peacefully in deeply religious pakistan.
However, in what is sure to infuriate President Musharaff's government, fake icons like Meera (agency report) have been quoted and shown in positions sure to excite the educated and liberal public. "No one has the right to excite the public sexually", said an official who refused to be named for this report.
Pakistan is a moderate ally of the United States. It fifth largest receiver of foreign aid due to its support of promotion of world peace, and the risks taken by it moderate and enlightened president, General Musharraf, who has stood tall and firm in the face of several suicide attacks. Lately, it has been fighting hindu extremists on its eastern border (see report) that have resulted in several deaths.
Commentators fear that sexual excitement due to easy availability of livestock, low entrance fees of the plays, and influence of low morality culture from its eastern border may be the final straw that breaks the camels back. The government however, maintains that there is no reason to be overly concerned.
-----------------------------
This is (not yet) NSN.
With the visit Pakistan year initiative promoted by the Ministries of Tourism and Culture, impressive strides have been made to promote ancient culture (see authoritative publications), and the fair, moderate , and enlightened leanings of pakistanis (also see early agency reports on festivals, women's empowerment, and entertainment). Officials see these endeavors as essential to improving Pakistan's image abroad. The Minister of Tourism, Ms Nilofer Bakhtiar, has been dispatched to friendly countries to publicise the visit pakistan initiative. To create infrastructure for visiting tourists, Pakistan Internation Airlines has also decided to upgrade its fleet (see earlier agency story), and even the courts are getting involved in promoting the positive image (agency report).
To be even friendlier to the diverse culture of the tourists set to throng pakistan, the government has relaxed several regulations and even turned a blind eye towards the routine flouting of number of dances in urdu plays. While three dances were considered sufficient for the sexual satisfaction of the pakistanies, it seems foreign tourists want to see no less than five or six dances in each play (agency report). There has been some controversy about the flouting of the laws (agency report) although officials are confident that it will come to pass. A tourism official said, "we are a democratic country, and everyone is entitled to their views". Political parties routines express diverse views ( agency report ) peacefully in deeply religious pakistan.
However, in what is sure to infuriate President Musharaff's government, fake icons like Meera (agency report) have been quoted and shown in positions sure to excite the educated and liberal public. "No one has the right to excite the public sexually", said an official who refused to be named for this report.
Pakistan is a moderate ally of the United States. It fifth largest receiver of foreign aid due to its support of promotion of world peace, and the risks taken by it moderate and enlightened president, General Musharraf, who has stood tall and firm in the face of several suicide attacks. Lately, it has been fighting hindu extremists on its eastern border (see report) that have resulted in several deaths.
Commentators fear that sexual excitement due to easy availability of livestock, low entrance fees of the plays, and influence of low morality culture from its eastern border may be the final straw that breaks the camels back. The government however, maintains that there is no reason to be overly concerned.
-----------------------------
This is (not yet) NSN.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Of Travel to Baushtanabad
Diyar Hadithars, and A.H.N.Q.T.B.D.N Al-Murdikki:
BuRR. AoA. MBPY&Y.
I abbreciate your reknewed afforts to bring youth pack to this valuable thrad.
Al-Murdikki sahip, my symbathies with exberience of bangs of emoshion ubon your return. My kousin Apdul had the kaught same thing. However, you should rememper that there is nuthing like nite life of Karachi, or the pegums of lahore.
In bhact, all I can rememper of walks py the campridge river is ducks boobing all over the blace. It would navar pe allowed in a clean country like baakistan. Our ducks (canadian or not) are all tall, fair and martial and navar boob in buplic blaces.
I am shure you will soon bhind habbiness again. Berhabs you kan ask bhamily to reintroduce you to the neybors dauters and goats, if your old acquantances have moved. I have seen many an Abdul regain the habbiness and bride in the fatherland after having returned from uncle-land that way.
Blis note that peards are now mandatory here, so try to avoid sunlight until you have a thick groth kovering your bhace.
Hidayath Al-Allie Beshawari
konserned.
BuRR. AoA. MBPY&Y.
I abbreciate your reknewed afforts to bring youth pack to this valuable thrad.
Al-Murdikki sahip, my symbathies with exberience of bangs of emoshion ubon your return. My kousin Apdul had the kaught same thing. However, you should rememper that there is nuthing like nite life of Karachi, or the pegums of lahore.
In bhact, all I can rememper of walks py the campridge river is ducks boobing all over the blace. It would navar pe allowed in a clean country like baakistan. Our ducks (canadian or not) are all tall, fair and martial and navar boob in buplic blaces.
I am shure you will soon bhind habbiness again. Berhabs you kan ask bhamily to reintroduce you to the neybors dauters and goats, if your old acquantances have moved. I have seen many an Abdul regain the habbiness and bride in the fatherland after having returned from uncle-land that way.
Blis note that peards are now mandatory here, so try to avoid sunlight until you have a thick groth kovering your bhace.
Hidayath Al-Allie Beshawari
konserned.
Some else is upset too
Word knows pakistan! Here is the entry in Wiki Encyclopedia
"I PITY THE FOO' THAT DOESN'T FIX THIS CRAP!"
| Quote: |
| i officially Pakistan means 'The pure/clean Pubic Hair country, though mentioning Pubic Hair is haraam in Islam and punishable with flogging in Public. Since this simile has a spiritual interpretations, a concrete meaning is still lacking. |
"I PITY THE FOO' THAT DOESN'T FIX THIS CRAP!"| Quote: |
| It is believed that 29 days, 5 hours, 41 minutes and 11 seconds before the world ends, Musharraf will eventually derive a meaning. Last heard Musharraf wanted the name to be changed to "We-no-Banana-Republic". |
A curious lack of neuj
AoA, BuRR: Has NSN subbered a defection from staph or dispanded due to bressure from the jurnails? Not a single rebort on C130s, ampulances, or allejashions of imbrobrieti?
Not even a simble "Baakshishtan Finds India unhelbful in Inquiry, or Pack-channel barleys in trouple?"
Not even a simble "Baakshishtan Finds India unhelbful in Inquiry, or Pack-channel barleys in trouple?"
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Al Beshawari wants attention
Diyar Hadith-ers:
AoA and BpUyY (Biss pe upon you and Yours).
Blis to note another vaccum formation in the north whestern regions has purst. Many phurnichures were destroyed. Hundreds of virgins phound new employment.
The governmand is not taking any akshion on the advice of maulana to reduce djinn activity and kreate imphrashtructur for reducing vaccum kreations. Berhabs thare is sum trooth to the allegations of phorein inbholvement in phrequent okurances that are now kiping children and wimens awake at nites. Kindlee inveshtigate.
Hidayath Al-Allie Beshawari
reader with satisphaktion from hadith-ers attenshion
AoA and BpUyY (Biss pe upon you and Yours).
Blis to note another vaccum formation in the north whestern regions has purst. Many phurnichures were destroyed. Hundreds of virgins phound new employment.
The governmand is not taking any akshion on the advice of maulana to reduce djinn activity and kreate imphrashtructur for reducing vaccum kreations. Berhabs thare is sum trooth to the allegations of phorein inbholvement in phrequent okurances that are now kiping children and wimens awake at nites. Kindlee inveshtigate.
Hidayath Al-Allie Beshawari
reader with satisphaktion from hadith-ers attenshion
Al Beshawari is qurious
Diyar Hadith-ers:
Blis to not that jurnail obhered to take off unibhorm again in miting with amerikan ophicial. shtil no nuus or coverage bhrom NSN of this shtory. ees NSN shtabf on holiday?
Hidayath Al-Allie Beshawari
aggravated reader.
Blis to not that jurnail obhered to take off unibhorm again in miting with amerikan ophicial. shtil no nuus or coverage bhrom NSN of this shtory. ees NSN shtabf on holiday?
Hidayath Al-Allie Beshawari
aggravated reader.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
A U.S. city’s chief lawn-mower repairman embraces Islam
A U.S. city’s chief lawn-mower repairman embraces Islam
Our Special Correspondent
NEW YORK: - The chief lawn mower repairman r of a major city in the American state of Georgia has embraced Islam and is working to change his legal name to Bakr Mansour Smith.
John D. Smith , 61, a natural born mechanic who was raised Christian, said he became a Muslim during a December ceremony in the west part of the basement of his Pakistani neighbor. Smith said he has studied the holy Quran for years and that his new religion was practiced by all repairmen and other mechanics in Pakistan.
"Why does one become a Christian?" Smith said on Thursday. "You do it because it feels right. ... To me it's no big deal. But people like to know what you believe in."
Smith said he would keep his last name at the request of two daughters.
Smith , who has been repairing all kinds of lawn mowers for last 5 decades said he hasn't calculated how his religious conversion might affect his business. . He said he is proud to live in a country founded on religious freedom. Muslims should not be painted with a broad brush simply because of a few radicals, he said.
"If anybody wants to know about Islam, I can hold an intelligent conversation," Smith said. "What I've found is how little we know about the religion."
Our Special Correspondent
NEW YORK: - The chief lawn mower repairman r of a major city in the American state of Georgia has embraced Islam and is working to change his legal name to Bakr Mansour Smith.
John D. Smith , 61, a natural born mechanic who was raised Christian, said he became a Muslim during a December ceremony in the west part of the basement of his Pakistani neighbor. Smith said he has studied the holy Quran for years and that his new religion was practiced by all repairmen and other mechanics in Pakistan.
"Why does one become a Christian?" Smith said on Thursday. "You do it because it feels right. ... To me it's no big deal. But people like to know what you believe in."
Smith said he would keep his last name at the request of two daughters.
Smith , who has been repairing all kinds of lawn mowers for last 5 decades said he hasn't calculated how his religious conversion might affect his business. . He said he is proud to live in a country founded on religious freedom. Muslims should not be painted with a broad brush simply because of a few radicals, he said.
"If anybody wants to know about Islam, I can hold an intelligent conversation," Smith said. "What I've found is how little we know about the religion."
Saturday, February 10, 2007
AeroIndia 2007 fails to excite Pakistan
AeroIndia 2007 fails to excite Pakistan
NSN Bangalore, Feb 9.: In an event that is considered by pakistanis as the pinnacle of India's military excitement, delegates from Pakistan remained less than impressed with what they consider India's stageshow to impress western countries.
"Pakistan, as you know, is set to manufacture the JF-17 aircraft that was developed with assistance from some other countries. In fact, if you note the comparison between the IAF and PAF planes, you would note that the exhaust vents are much more cleaner and smaller than the Indian vents. Besides, the Indian aircraft lacks the kind of dignity one expects in a Pakistani Plane.", explained Brigadier Bakr Butt Chodomatyaar, who lead the Pakistani delegation that came prepared to pour scorn on India's aircraft.
Other Pakistani experts were not so kind to India's achievements and were dismissive of India's achievements. Colonel Mehboob Bakr Butt opined: "We have noted all these items on display in the show, and we are not impressed. Has anyone here seen the Sitara Mark V? It is a marvel of Islamic Engineering, and soon, we will be fitting a light jet engine. The introduction of Pakistan's new light Aircraft, the Aero-Sitara (Codenamed: ChickennHawk) will make its debut in the upcoming AeroPakistan 2007 exhibition." (Editorial note: Pakistan's Annual Kiteflying Festival was renamed AeroPakistan by General Musharraf last year in an attempt to reel in more Pakistani talent in Aeronautics)
NSN was unable to get the Pakistani delegation to commit to their recent achievements in Pakistani Aeronautics, though rumours abound that Pakistan has been training warrior pigeons that strap themselves with explosives and throw themselves at the enemy. The Pakistani delegation was a disciplined bunch except for the minor incident involving an innocent goat from a nearby village and its irate owner, local cattle farmer Mr. Dodde Krishnakumar. In keeping with local hospitality traditions, Mr. Krishnakumar decided to not press charges to avoid an international incident.
--NSN Staff Report
----------------------------------------
NSN Paid Advertisement:
Fauji Cola
20% water 80% ZamZam Juice
Try it Ice Cold Today!
Paid for by Fauji Fruit Juices and Light Refreshments Inc
NSN Bangalore, Feb 9.: In an event that is considered by pakistanis as the pinnacle of India's military excitement, delegates from Pakistan remained less than impressed with what they consider India's stageshow to impress western countries.
"Pakistan, as you know, is set to manufacture the JF-17 aircraft that was developed with assistance from some other countries. In fact, if you note the comparison between the IAF and PAF planes, you would note that the exhaust vents are much more cleaner and smaller than the Indian vents. Besides, the Indian aircraft lacks the kind of dignity one expects in a Pakistani Plane.", explained Brigadier Bakr Butt Chodomatyaar, who lead the Pakistani delegation that came prepared to pour scorn on India's aircraft.
Other Pakistani experts were not so kind to India's achievements and were dismissive of India's achievements. Colonel Mehboob Bakr Butt opined: "We have noted all these items on display in the show, and we are not impressed. Has anyone here seen the Sitara Mark V? It is a marvel of Islamic Engineering, and soon, we will be fitting a light jet engine. The introduction of Pakistan's new light Aircraft, the Aero-Sitara (Codenamed: ChickennHawk) will make its debut in the upcoming AeroPakistan 2007 exhibition." (Editorial note: Pakistan's Annual Kiteflying Festival was renamed AeroPakistan by General Musharraf last year in an attempt to reel in more Pakistani talent in Aeronautics)
NSN was unable to get the Pakistani delegation to commit to their recent achievements in Pakistani Aeronautics, though rumours abound that Pakistan has been training warrior pigeons that strap themselves with explosives and throw themselves at the enemy. The Pakistani delegation was a disciplined bunch except for the minor incident involving an innocent goat from a nearby village and its irate owner, local cattle farmer Mr. Dodde Krishnakumar. In keeping with local hospitality traditions, Mr. Krishnakumar decided to not press charges to avoid an international incident.
--NSN Staff Report
----------------------------------------
NSN Paid Advertisement:
Fauji Cola
20% water 80% ZamZam Juice
Try it Ice Cold Today!
Paid for by Fauji Fruit Juices and Light Refreshments Inc
World cup rumours
Akhtar and Asif risking life bans, says doping expert
------
"Na-Pakistan ka matlab kya ?? La Ilaha Illalah"
------
ICC DISMISS PAKISTAN PLEA
| Quote: |
| KARACHI: Pakistan’s decision to drug-test their entire World Cup squad could end in life bans for Shoaib Akhtar and Mohammad Asif, who recently won doping reprieves, an expert warned on Friday. Danish Zaheer, vice president of the Asian Federation of Sports Medicine, said the two bowlers could still have banned substances in their systems after testing positive in October. “To me it is not the good timing for Akhtar and Asif to have re-tests because if they test positive again, which is likely to happen, then on a second offense they face life bans,” Zaheer, a doctor, told AFP. Akhtar and Asif are both likely inclusions when Pakistan’s squad is announced on Tuesday, despite testing positive for banned steroid nandrolone in internal tests conducted by the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB). Akhtar was banned for two years and Asif for one year by an Anti-Doping Commission in November. But a month later, both were controversially reinstated by an appellate committee, prompting the World Anti-Doping Agency to appeal to the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS). The CAS, based in Switzerland, is unlikley to hear the case before April. Zaheer said Pakistan should have dealt the WADA appeal before the blanket re-testing, which was announced this week. “The PCB and the athletes should have settled the CAS issue first which would have allowed them to have a suitable line of action in order to avoid double penalty or life ban,” said Zaheer.  Zaheer said Akhtar and Asif should keep away from the World Cup if they want to prolong their careers. “The two players must get maximum time away from the competition in order to avoid any testing until the World Cup. Their chances of having over limit of banned substance would be much lower then, rather than if PCB decides to test them now.”   Pakistan have been given permission by the International Cricket Council to replace any World Cup squad members who test positive. afp |
------
"Na-Pakistan ka matlab kya ?? La Ilaha Illalah"
------
ICC DISMISS PAKISTAN PLEA
| Quote: |
| Another appeal [ie. begging session] by the the Pakistan Cricket Board to delay the announcement of their World Cup squad has been rejected by the International Cricket Council. With the final 15-man squad announcements due on February 13, Pakistan officials had requested they be permitted to name their team three days later, when they are scheduled to return from their tour of South Africa. However, the ICC confirmed on their official website that this request has been turned down. The delay was requested to give the PCB more time to assess the progress of injured quartet Shoaib Akhtar, Shabbir Ahmed, Umar Gul and Mohammad Sami. |
Friday, February 9, 2007
Nasreen's cocktail hour II
NSN Advert: Nasreen's cocktail hour II
---------------------------------------------
When the girls are over after a day's shopping at the mall or just back from Dubai, and mian saheb is away dealing with those pesky and ungrateful Baluchis, what better way to kick back than with a tall cool glass of a "Slippery Niqab"?
Its very simple!
1 measure roof afzah
1 measure grenadine (a grenade will do if you can't get it locally)
1 measure green curacao (blue is no good, and orange too kaffir!)
4 shots of zam zam cola (more if you're in the mood)
lots of crushed ice and garnish with a generous splash of Chanel No. 5
have your manservant stir it well and place in a tall dark glass and cover with a loose black cloth.
try drinking that without showing your face!
--------------------------------------------
NSN - in clifton, every nite is party nite
---------------------------------------------
When the girls are over after a day's shopping at the mall or just back from Dubai, and mian saheb is away dealing with those pesky and ungrateful Baluchis, what better way to kick back than with a tall cool glass of a "Slippery Niqab"?
Its very simple!
1 measure roof afzah
1 measure grenadine (a grenade will do if you can't get it locally)
1 measure green curacao (blue is no good, and orange too kaffir!)
4 shots of zam zam cola (more if you're in the mood)
lots of crushed ice and garnish with a generous splash of Chanel No. 5
have your manservant stir it well and place in a tall dark glass and cover with a loose black cloth.
try drinking that without showing your face!
--------------------------------------------
NSN - in clifton, every nite is party nite
Thursday, February 8, 2007
BakPoets 2007
PakPoets 2007
NSN (Watan-e-boo Ku' daa) After doing the rounds of the Presidential Grounds, it is always refreshing to breathe the fresh air of the rustic heart of Pakistan. The PakPoets was organized in MBK to start off the new crusader year, and as usual, there was no dearth of dissatisfaction over anything remotely connected to authority. An assortment of the poems presented follows (some meaning may have been lost in translation).
When I say I am Pakistani
They say I should become a better Muslim first
When I say I am a Muslim
They say I should become a better Pakistani first
Who should I [NSN regrets] first?
Pakistan or Islam?
(Name withheld)
Basavar Qila
-------------------------------------------------
They say people get the leaders they deserve
But what have we done to deserve this [NSN regrets]
Name supplied:"What will you do? Kill women and children?"
Ran di Yaar Khan
--------------------------------------------------
Dear "Musharraf Aziz",
There should not be so many tears of patriotism in your eyes
That you cannot see straight
Moeen Khattak
Karachi
---------------------------------------------------
Army of eunuchs,
How much greener are you going to paint your useless missiles?
The sky will still be blue
Do not worry,
we will get you.
Name supplied: "I love Bharat-Rakshak" Baloch
Location withheld
-----------------------------------------------------
Shaukat, why don't you rescue your dirty crusader flag
from the floor of out mosques?
Wash it, and put it back
Muslim feet need to be wiped on clean cloth.
Mohammed Noor-ul-Islam
Rawalpindi
-------------------------------------------------------
Pakistan is burning
And no one cares
People have already enjoyed
Washed, paid, and gone home.
Name withheld
Lahore
This is NSN
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bolder than you think. Stronger than you think. NSN.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
NSN (Watan-e-boo Ku' daa) After doing the rounds of the Presidential Grounds, it is always refreshing to breathe the fresh air of the rustic heart of Pakistan. The PakPoets was organized in MBK to start off the new crusader year, and as usual, there was no dearth of dissatisfaction over anything remotely connected to authority. An assortment of the poems presented follows (some meaning may have been lost in translation).
When I say I am Pakistani
They say I should become a better Muslim first
When I say I am a Muslim
They say I should become a better Pakistani first
Who should I [NSN regrets] first?
Pakistan or Islam?
(Name withheld)
Basavar Qila
-------------------------------------------------
They say people get the leaders they deserve
But what have we done to deserve this [NSN regrets]
Name supplied:"What will you do? Kill women and children?"
Ran di Yaar Khan
--------------------------------------------------
Dear "Musharraf Aziz",
There should not be so many tears of patriotism in your eyes
That you cannot see straight
Moeen Khattak
Karachi
---------------------------------------------------
Army of eunuchs,
How much greener are you going to paint your useless missiles?
The sky will still be blue
Do not worry,
we will get you.
Name supplied: "I love Bharat-Rakshak" Baloch
Location withheld
-----------------------------------------------------
Shaukat, why don't you rescue your dirty crusader flag
from the floor of out mosques?
Wash it, and put it back
Muslim feet need to be wiped on clean cloth.
Mohammed Noor-ul-Islam
Rawalpindi
-------------------------------------------------------
Pakistan is burning
And no one cares
People have already enjoyed
Washed, paid, and gone home.
Name withheld
Lahore
This is NSN
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bolder than you think. Stronger than you think. NSN.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rest in pieces, Y-e-M
NSN (Pindi) - Our Pindi office was surrounded by angry crowd demanding immediate and unconditional bahali of "Youm-e-Mubarak - 2" thread. Special kommando dasta has secured the site and Bomb -delivery squad is waiting for orders
Gaffur Mian 6:55 PT
***************
Just added
NSN (Slam-bad)- Some unsatisfied and angry protestors took the matter in hand and went on to disturb the International flights.....one dead. First death for "Youm-e-Mubarak - 2" thread.
Ussuff Massih 6:59 PT
********************
Just added
NSN( Bhawalpur)- Local IT experts are refusing to back-office jobs......thus effecting and affecting Tokyo stock exchange......world is going to pay dearly for the follies of so-called administrators of BR.
Mohammad Hatmatyar 7:04 PT
***************************
NSN (La-Whore)- It is official. No more dealing in famous Diamond Market. Merchants and clients have only one demand.......bring back"Youm-e-Mubarak - 2".
Rahmanull khulam khulah 7:11 PT
**********************************
Just added
NSN(Karra-chi)- Major demonstration in Clifton area. It is very chaotic. A large crowd was spotted heading KFC outlet.
Mahmood "Bumbaiwalla" 7: 13 PT
********************************
NSN (Binori Town)- Large crowd of Koranic student marched through the streets protesting shutting down of "Youm-e-Mubarak - 2".
Mullah Mutheda "Adha" 7:17 PT
********************************************
NSN ( Slam-bad)- It has been just announced that Bakistani foreign ministry has called Bhartiya low commissioner to the high grounds of Ministry and was handed over strongly worded rebuttal and asked to take marching orders. The short ,dark and rice eating was heard murmuring something in some obscure South Bhartian language. It seems this incident has capability of damaging on-going re-aproachment going on from both countries.
Gaffur Mian 6:55 PT
***************
Just added
NSN (Slam-bad)- Some unsatisfied and angry protestors took the matter in hand and went on to disturb the International flights.....one dead. First death for "Youm-e-Mubarak - 2" thread.
Ussuff Massih 6:59 PT
********************
Just added
NSN( Bhawalpur)- Local IT experts are refusing to back-office jobs......thus effecting and affecting Tokyo stock exchange......world is going to pay dearly for the follies of so-called administrators of BR.
Mohammad Hatmatyar 7:04 PT
***************************
NSN (La-Whore)- It is official. No more dealing in famous Diamond Market. Merchants and clients have only one demand.......bring back"Youm-e-Mubarak - 2".
Rahmanull khulam khulah 7:11 PT
**********************************
Just added
NSN(Karra-chi)- Major demonstration in Clifton area. It is very chaotic. A large crowd was spotted heading KFC outlet.
Mahmood "Bumbaiwalla" 7: 13 PT
********************************
NSN (Binori Town)- Large crowd of Koranic student marched through the streets protesting shutting down of "Youm-e-Mubarak - 2".
Mullah Mutheda "Adha" 7:17 PT
********************************************
NSN ( Slam-bad)- It has been just announced that Bakistani foreign ministry has called Bhartiya low commissioner to the high grounds of Ministry and was handed over strongly worded rebuttal and asked to take marching orders. The short ,dark and rice eating was heard murmuring something in some obscure South Bhartian language. It seems this incident has capability of damaging on-going re-aproachment going on from both countries.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Nazreen's Cocktail Hour
NSN Advert: Nazreen's Cocktail Hour
------------------------------------------
When the Mian-saheb is away at the Corps Commander's Conference and you're having a little kitty party over at your bungalow, why not relax with your friends and a cool glass of "Jehad on the Beach"? Its very simple, says our genial hostess with the mostest, Nazreen... all you need is:
1 measure orange juice
1 measure sirop de pomegranite
some crushed ice
1 spoon of gajrela
2 cartridges of 7.62mm ammunition as garnish
and...
two shots of zam zam cola!
shake well, and serve in an empty shell casing
you know its a hit!
-------------------------------
NSN - moderately enlightened after dark
------------------------------------------
When the Mian-saheb is away at the Corps Commander's Conference and you're having a little kitty party over at your bungalow, why not relax with your friends and a cool glass of "Jehad on the Beach"? Its very simple, says our genial hostess with the mostest, Nazreen... all you need is:
1 measure orange juice
1 measure sirop de pomegranite
some crushed ice
1 spoon of gajrela
2 cartridges of 7.62mm ammunition as garnish
and...
two shots of zam zam cola!
shake well, and serve in an empty shell casing
you know its a hit!
-------------------------------
NSN - moderately enlightened after dark
The President General's position on the War on Terror
The President General's position on the War on Terror
NSN (Islamabad): We reproduce below the text of a fax message from HMEHPPGPM:
[Hand-written at top of fax sheet: "Follow up to our talk yesterday -PM"]
The rightful position of Pakistan in the War on Terror must be recognized.
Some may say Pakistan is in bed with America, but I say the rules of engagement are clear; even if this is a marriage of convenience for some, one cannot be divorced from reality: this War on Terror is our baby. The people must be educated: it is elementary that Pakistan is in the middle of the war, even though we take the moral high ground and, out of collegiality, let the United States say it is the leader in this war, everyone knows that it is Pakistan that is getting the job done, and is the real team leader. We only ask for rightful compensation for our unretiring work.
We will succeed, Inshallah, in achieving our potential as a great nation the likes of which the world has not seen since the dawn of civilization.
Pakistan Paindabad.
This is NSN.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NSN paid advertisement
Analysis. In depth reporting. Breaking stories.
Enroll today to become a star reporter tomorrow.
Our graduates are placed worldwide: with BBC, CNN, The Hindu,
Christian Science Monitor, FOIL Newsfoil,
Harvard Indology Research News Associates (HIRNA),
and many more.
Fauji-ISI Joint Journalism Schools
[Inter Services Intelligence. The Service that serves the Services. Intelligently.]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NSN (Islamabad): We reproduce below the text of a fax message from HMEHPPGPM:
[Hand-written at top of fax sheet: "Follow up to our talk yesterday -PM"]
The rightful position of Pakistan in the War on Terror must be recognized.
Some may say Pakistan is in bed with America, but I say the rules of engagement are clear; even if this is a marriage of convenience for some, one cannot be divorced from reality: this War on Terror is our baby. The people must be educated: it is elementary that Pakistan is in the middle of the war, even though we take the moral high ground and, out of collegiality, let the United States say it is the leader in this war, everyone knows that it is Pakistan that is getting the job done, and is the real team leader. We only ask for rightful compensation for our unretiring work.
We will succeed, Inshallah, in achieving our potential as a great nation the likes of which the world has not seen since the dawn of civilization.
Pakistan Paindabad.
This is NSN.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NSN paid advertisement
Analysis. In depth reporting. Breaking stories.
Enroll today to become a star reporter tomorrow.
Our graduates are placed worldwide: with BBC, CNN, The Hindu,
Christian Science Monitor, FOIL Newsfoil,
Harvard Indology Research News Associates (HIRNA),
and many more.
Fauji-ISI Joint Journalism Schools
[Inter Services Intelligence. The Service that serves the Services. Intelligently.]
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
World peace is possible only if Pakistan is understood and appreciated
World peace is possible only if Pakistan is understood and appreciated
NSN (Islamabad): The President General invited us to "encourage the diffission of information about Pakistan and counter the lies propulcated by the media". The recently fertilized lawns looked greener than we had ever seen them before.
NSN: Thank you once again for the opportunity, Sir..
HMEHPPGPM: Once again, the opportunity is all mine.
You know, India and the world would be better off if it had your attitude. No thirst for the truth in anyone nowadays, that is why they are worse on. I say, ask, and listen. I am always open to anyone who wants to probe deeper into the reality of Pakistan.
NSN: Sir, men like you are rare to find nowadays.
HMEHPPGPM: Do not be discouraged, keep searching, you should always have courage. Especially at your age.
As I was saying, Pakistan needs to be understood. That is the key world peace. And prosperity. We are a sovereign, honoured, dignified..
NSN: Sir, I still have that list..
HMEHPPGPM: Ah, good. Efficient, like a secretary.
So, to continue, we are a country with a wealth of talent, at the crucial crux point of history. A country that can make or break the world. Our potential is flaggerbasting, our work ethic third to none, our sense of pride brings tears to the eyes. Of joy, one would like to add. [HMEHPPGPM reached into his hip pocket and pulled out a small wad of tissue papers].
Greenex?
NSN: No thank you, Sir.
HMEHPPGPM: [Taking off his glasses, hooking them on one of his medals- we think it was the "Shehnaz-e-Pakistan"- and dabbing his eyes with the tissue paper] We have achieved our stature because we have a tolerant nature, and let me tell you, we have a bright future. [Breathing onto his lenses, polishing then, and then looking toward the Pakistani Flag fluttering at the entrance of the Presidential Full ("We do not believe in quarters")] Pakistan is the key to world destiny. [Yelling] Inzimam..why are they patrolling near my roses? I told you roses are sensitive to the smell of gunpowder.
Yes, one needs to see that Pakistan is a great country. I mean, long before we started the present War on Terror, even before we allied with the West to fight Communism, Pakistan was a staunch one. You know, friend of friends, enemy of enemies.
Now the world treats us like an ear bud. Use it, throw it away. Some little money gets thrown our way, as if to say, "Good doggie". Are we a dog? Do you think we are an ear bud? This country, which has sacrificed itself over and over for the good of the world, is treated like this. Is this not the world's attitude? Is this gratitude? I ask you.
This is what I want you to tell the world. You should say:
Cherish Pakistan. Without Pakistan, where will you be? Be thankful that Pakistan is on your side. Let me tell you, if the world makes an enemy out of Pakistan, there will be hell to pay, and we do not take credit either. Pay your respects to Pakistan. Make your payments on schedule. Money is the root of lots of things, and we needs to look at the root causes. It is the duty of the world to acknowlegde our creativity, to encourage our prosperity, and to help us maintain parity.
You got that?
NSN: All recorded, Sir.
HMEHPPGPM: Good. "I expect you to do your duty", as the Qaid said.
Pakistan Paindabad. Good bye.
NSN: Good bye, Sir!
This is NSN.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NSN paid advetisement
Laugh your behind off with Mansoor and Lucky's latest adventures.
Hours of fun with Aunty Shireen's Origami Books.
Challenge yourself with Mohammed Kartunwaala's Jig-see-saw puzzes.
Develop your IQ with Sultan K. C. Choudhry's Mind Benders.
Develop your body with Pakistan Army General Bending Exercises.
Fauji Firdaus Qazi Bookstores
Explore our shelves to discover yourselves (Patent Pindi).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NSN (Islamabad): The President General invited us to "encourage the diffission of information about Pakistan and counter the lies propulcated by the media". The recently fertilized lawns looked greener than we had ever seen them before.
NSN: Thank you once again for the opportunity, Sir..
HMEHPPGPM: Once again, the opportunity is all mine.
You know, India and the world would be better off if it had your attitude. No thirst for the truth in anyone nowadays, that is why they are worse on. I say, ask, and listen. I am always open to anyone who wants to probe deeper into the reality of Pakistan.
NSN: Sir, men like you are rare to find nowadays.
HMEHPPGPM: Do not be discouraged, keep searching, you should always have courage. Especially at your age.
As I was saying, Pakistan needs to be understood. That is the key world peace. And prosperity. We are a sovereign, honoured, dignified..
NSN: Sir, I still have that list..
HMEHPPGPM: Ah, good. Efficient, like a secretary.
So, to continue, we are a country with a wealth of talent, at the crucial crux point of history. A country that can make or break the world. Our potential is flaggerbasting, our work ethic third to none, our sense of pride brings tears to the eyes. Of joy, one would like to add. [HMEHPPGPM reached into his hip pocket and pulled out a small wad of tissue papers].
Greenex?
NSN: No thank you, Sir.
HMEHPPGPM: [Taking off his glasses, hooking them on one of his medals- we think it was the "Shehnaz-e-Pakistan"- and dabbing his eyes with the tissue paper] We have achieved our stature because we have a tolerant nature, and let me tell you, we have a bright future. [Breathing onto his lenses, polishing then, and then looking toward the Pakistani Flag fluttering at the entrance of the Presidential Full ("We do not believe in quarters")] Pakistan is the key to world destiny. [Yelling] Inzimam..why are they patrolling near my roses? I told you roses are sensitive to the smell of gunpowder.
Yes, one needs to see that Pakistan is a great country. I mean, long before we started the present War on Terror, even before we allied with the West to fight Communism, Pakistan was a staunch one. You know, friend of friends, enemy of enemies.
Now the world treats us like an ear bud. Use it, throw it away. Some little money gets thrown our way, as if to say, "Good doggie". Are we a dog? Do you think we are an ear bud? This country, which has sacrificed itself over and over for the good of the world, is treated like this. Is this not the world's attitude? Is this gratitude? I ask you.
This is what I want you to tell the world. You should say:
Cherish Pakistan. Without Pakistan, where will you be? Be thankful that Pakistan is on your side. Let me tell you, if the world makes an enemy out of Pakistan, there will be hell to pay, and we do not take credit either. Pay your respects to Pakistan. Make your payments on schedule. Money is the root of lots of things, and we needs to look at the root causes. It is the duty of the world to acknowlegde our creativity, to encourage our prosperity, and to help us maintain parity.
You got that?
NSN: All recorded, Sir.
HMEHPPGPM: Good. "I expect you to do your duty", as the Qaid said.
Pakistan Paindabad. Good bye.
NSN: Good bye, Sir!
This is NSN.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NSN paid advetisement
Laugh your behind off with Mansoor and Lucky's latest adventures.
Hours of fun with Aunty Shireen's Origami Books.
Challenge yourself with Mohammed Kartunwaala's Jig-see-saw puzzes.
Develop your IQ with Sultan K. C. Choudhry's Mind Benders.
Develop your body with Pakistan Army General Bending Exercises.
Fauji Firdaus Qazi Bookstores
Explore our shelves to discover yourselves (Patent Pindi).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday, February 5, 2007
NSN BRQuiqFacts
NSN BRFacts: We have had occassion avail the khidmat of Minoo Bhandara (Ayran Avesta Haafiz). Murree Beer is reminds one of Tsing-Dao, the People's Beer of the Middle Kingdom, but the bubbles of Murree Beer go "Pak-Pak" as they pop. This unique quality of the Beer is pointed out to every customer. We had remarked to Minoo Bhandara, "Pak-Pak is quite an interesting sound." The reply, with a wink and a wry smile, was something we will never forget: "All bubbles pop."
Friday, February 2, 2007
NSN Eves-Droppings
NSN Eves-Dropping
NSN (Muzaffarabad): We bring you the conversation between Ms. Jane Goody, who is touring the Mujahideen Camps at the request of the President General.
JG: Ah! So this is where you train to free Kashmir from Indian occupation..
Mohammad Bilal Lal-e-lal: Yes. We will be successful soon, inshallah.
JG: Why do you pakis keep saying that inshallah stuff?
Manzoor Ghazi: Shut your mouth, insolent woman! And do not call us Paki. It is bad.
JG: But you are Paki!
Mohamad Jan Mohammad: SHUT UP, [NSN regrets].
JG: Shh! Calm down! Here, have a bottle of my perfume "Shh!"
Mohamad Jan Mohammad: Ah! Attar!
Ata-ur Rehman: Bhai Jan Mohammad, you called me?
Mohamad Jan Mohammad: No, no..you keep cleaning those AKs..
OK, Guddi..let me take you to meet someone..
Mansoor Jabbar: Yes, come and see inside..
Suhail Noor Kismat: It is good inside..come..
JG: But..
Mohammad Butt: Yes, I am coming also, do not worry Guddi..
[NSN was interested to see what Ms. Goody was to see inside the inner chamber of the tent, but we could not take the risk of seeming to be too inquisitive, so we left after sharing tea with the men. Whatever was inside must have been good, Ms. Goody seemed to be quite excited and approving].
This is NSN.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rat problems? Bandicoot blues?
Annihilate them with our expertese.
Fauji Best Pest Control
(Do not believe our rivals. They only exterminate. We annihilate).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NSN (Muzaffarabad): We bring you the conversation between Ms. Jane Goody, who is touring the Mujahideen Camps at the request of the President General.
JG: Ah! So this is where you train to free Kashmir from Indian occupation..
Mohammad Bilal Lal-e-lal: Yes. We will be successful soon, inshallah.
JG: Why do you pakis keep saying that inshallah stuff?
Manzoor Ghazi: Shut your mouth, insolent woman! And do not call us Paki. It is bad.
JG: But you are Paki!
Mohamad Jan Mohammad: SHUT UP, [NSN regrets].
JG: Shh! Calm down! Here, have a bottle of my perfume "Shh!"
Mohamad Jan Mohammad: Ah! Attar!
Ata-ur Rehman: Bhai Jan Mohammad, you called me?
Mohamad Jan Mohammad: No, no..you keep cleaning those AKs..
OK, Guddi..let me take you to meet someone..
Mansoor Jabbar: Yes, come and see inside..
Suhail Noor Kismat: It is good inside..come..
JG: But..
Mohammad Butt: Yes, I am coming also, do not worry Guddi..
[NSN was interested to see what Ms. Goody was to see inside the inner chamber of the tent, but we could not take the risk of seeming to be too inquisitive, so we left after sharing tea with the men. Whatever was inside must have been good, Ms. Goody seemed to be quite excited and approving].
This is NSN.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rat problems? Bandicoot blues?
Annihilate them with our expertese.
Fauji Best Pest Control
(Do not believe our rivals. They only exterminate. We annihilate).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Jade invited to Bakistan
Jade invited to Bakistan
Pindi (NSN)- Unconfirmed report says infamous (thus famous) Angrej Mohterma Jade Goody( PB upon her pure Mother) has been invited to Bakistan on a special invitaion from none-other then HHGPFM Gola. Delivering master diplomatic stroke last night , El Presedente directed Londonistani staff of Bakistan very high commission to find Jade ( in the middle of the night) and deliver instant visa. Meanwhile here in Slum-abad El Presedente had this to say to the media person:
Just to remind our readers myth of beautiful, tolerant and democratic Bharat was blowen away by Lady Jade when she showed Sipla shetty (no connection with peacfull Najam Shitty)her right place.
NSN would like to add that there are rumours that Lady Jade may be awarded Hila-le-Bakistan . Altough unconfirmed reports says she may even end her groom-search when she meets tall,fair,strong and meat eating members of Bakistani cricker squad.
Pindi (NSN)- Unconfirmed report says infamous (thus famous) Angrej Mohterma Jade Goody( PB upon her pure Mother) has been invited to Bakistan on a special invitaion from none-other then HHGPFM Gola. Delivering master diplomatic stroke last night , El Presedente directed Londonistani staff of Bakistan very high commission to find Jade ( in the middle of the night) and deliver instant visa. Meanwhile here in Slum-abad El Presedente had this to say to the media person:
| Quote: |
| Bakistan has always welcomed visitors. We respect visitors. Bhart's refusal to deliver visa to an Angrej Lady is an act of wicketness and has to be deplored on all international flora and fauna. I know very well how one feels when visa is withheld. All this eight years I am ordering and begging Bharat to talk but see.......no way......they simply refuse to invite me. Well ......that's all I have to say for the moment and I am looking forward to personally greet that tall,fair and famous Angrej lady who showed Indians their place. |
Just to remind our readers myth of beautiful, tolerant and democratic Bharat was blowen away by Lady Jade when she showed Sipla shetty (no connection with peacfull Najam Shitty)her right place.
NSN would like to add that there are rumours that Lady Jade may be awarded Hila-le-Bakistan . Altough unconfirmed reports says she may even end her groom-search when she meets tall,fair,strong and meat eating members of Bakistani cricker squad.
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